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Webnext
New Member
- Mar 2, 2024
- 4
Hi there. First post here, I have joined awhile back in March but didn't had time to be on here often due to starting college and busy things. I don't know if this is allowed to talk about homocide or an act of violence on someone else on here since I don't see many people talk about this but I can't hold up my anger that I've been dealing with for the last three years. Just to reassure, I'm not a murderer or want to kill anybody at all. I'm 21M and I have been dealing with OCD and been getting repetitive negative thoughts that I've experienced in the past that traumatizes me even when I was a child. It definitely hurts emotionally and gives me pain in my chest and one thing that happened that I cannot let go was one of my high school teachers that I had. I had a math teacher who I really liked with her teaching but she was very strict and let me down and left me out almost everyday I've been with her. She didn't listen or understand me and made me feel neglected. Ever since I graduated, I cannot move on and that's me and I know it may seem like it's nothing but I make it into a bigger problem for myself. I started feeling revenge and getting mad at her for all the bad things she's done to me and was thinking about doing a revenge attack to send out a message of how bad she was and I know where she lives and what house but I keep saying to myself to move on and let go but I can't and that's why I'm here to get support. But what's more important is my suicidal thoughts. It all started when I was a freshman in high school back in 2018 and this was even before when I first met my math teacher, I was struggling and suffering in pain with how hard my education is and became a buildup of bullying and getting left out all the time and things did get better especially now that I'm in college but I know one day I might ctb if things for me don't get better sooner or later so I'm in desperate need of support. It has gotten worse from feeling down and suicidal to not being able to control myself with getting revenge on somebody else that hurted me and I don't want to kill or hurt anybody at all and mainly only want to ctb. I know this is kind of long but there's still a lot more that I want to cover but I'll put it in my future posts but just want to give an introduction on my feelings and thoughts.