Thought’s of suicide

[joedabest123]

Hi I am 28 living in the United Kingdom and ever since I was attacked with a machete I have had constant thoughts of suicide I am still in good health but the attack left a scar on my face and it has just changed my entire persona as a person I constantly gamble to escape my feelings which just makes everything worse I am trying so hard to get better and not feel the way I feel anymore but sometimes it just feels like I am fighting a losing battle I don't want to miss out on what life may have to offer me I still believe there is good out there in the world I have been going through these feelings for 3-4 years now and sometimes I feel better but I always return to a baseline of feeling depressed and hopeless I'm hoping one day I can become financially and mentally stable but it just seems so impossible does anyone have any advice for me how I can get out of feeling such crippling depression and low self esteem
This is a picture of what I look like in case anyone is wondering

 

[Forever Sleep]

That sounds absolutely terrifying! I'm sorry for what you went through. Have the NHS or anyone offered you concelling? I'd imagine an experience like that could well leave you with PTSD etc. Do you still have friends or family that support you?

 

[joedabest123]

That sounds absolutely terrifying! I'm sorry for what you went through. Have the NHS or anyone offered you concelling? I'd imagine an experience like that could well leave you with PTSD etc. Do you still have friends or family that support you?

Thanks for your reply I have constantly been to my doctors to explain how I feel about everything I have yet to be diagnosed but they have referred me to have CBT which I am still on the waiting list for and Have offered me anti depressant's which I am hesitant to take

That sounds absolutely terrifying! I'm sorry for what you went through. Have the NHS or anyone offered you concelling? I'd imagine an experience like that could well leave you with PTSD etc. Do you still have friends or family that support you?

And my family dosen't really support me much I have been isolated from friends etc for nearly 2 years now and I just don't have the motivation or confidence to be very sociable right now

 

[dolemitedrums]

Honestly for a machete attack, I can't even find the scar in your picture and truth be told some women will find it attractive. Even that aside they will generally consider you a good looking guy. The only thing that will keep you from capitalizing on that is your reported low self esteem.

Now none of that fixes the mental trauma you must have experienced from an attack like that. What a terrible thing to go through and have in your bank of memories. But if you are worried about the scar and the external effects, don't be, your appearance is on your side here. It will serve you well while you work on the rest of things.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

I do not see any scar on your face you might be overstressing it cuz I can't see anything

 

[joedabest123]

Honestly for a machete attack, I can't even find the scar in your picture and truth be told some women will find it attractive. Even that aside they will generally consider you a good looking guy. The only thing that will keep you from capitalizing on that is your reported low self esteem.

Now none of that fixes the mental trauma you must have experienced from an attack like that. What a terrible thing to go through and have in your bank of memories. But if you are worried about the scar and the external effects, don't be, your appearance is on your side here. It will serve you well while you work on the rest of things.

Yes you are right it was terrible to go through this but I suppose people have been through much worse and that it could have been worse for me but as far as the rest of the things I find it so very hard to stay on track I recently converted to Islam as I thought it would help with self control and for a time it did really help but again I always return to a baseline way of feeling and I'm trying so desperately to escape everything I'm trying to stop gambling and to stop feeling so depressed but a lot of times I just want to find peace and stability that is why death seems like such a good option

I do not see any scar on your face you might be overstressing it cuz I can't see anything

I will post another picture

 

[dolemitedrums]

So the scar is above your right eye? Appearance-wise that is nothing. It is like the scar on Harrison Ford's chin. I promise you it won't be a deal breaker for any romantic opportunities and will help more than it hurts in that regard. The actor Tommy Flanagan has a legit Glasgow Smile from a knife attack and it doesn't slow him down, and that is a scar that will turn some people off. You may have your work cut out for you in dealing with the trauma of the attack and its effects, but as for the scar and its effect on your appearance, don't worry about it AT ALL my friend.

 

[joedabest123]

So the scar is above your right eye? Appearance-wise that is nothing. It is like the scar on Harrison Ford's chin. I promise you it won't be a deal breaker for any romantic opportunities and will help more than it hurts in that regard. The actor Tommy Flanagan has a legit Glasgow Smile from a knife attack and it doesn't slow him down, and that is a scar that will turn some people off. You may have your work cut out for you in dealing with the trauma of the attack and its effects, but as for the scar and its effect on your appearance, don't worry about it AT ALL my friend.

It is above my left eye that picture was made on the Snapchat camera so it's inverted but I see where you coming from with scars being attractive etc but for me it's so hard to accept it as apart of who I am it really took me a long time to accept myself for the way I looked and to like my appearance but then after the attack it was like I had to get used to a whole new face and I still find it hard to accept. it really has damaged me as a person

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

Yes you are right it was terrible to go through this but I suppose people have been through much worse and that it could have been worse for me but as far as the rest of the things I find it so very hard to stay on track I recently converted to Islam as I thought it would help with self control and for a time it did really help but again I always return to a baseline way of feeling and I'm trying so desperately to escape everything I'm trying to stop gambling and to stop feeling so depressed but a lot of times I just want to find peace and stability that is why death seems like such a good option

I will post another picture
View attachment 143471

dude that's badass. why are you mad about that? such a dope ass scar

 

[joedabest123]

dude that's badass. why are you mad about that? such a dope ass scar

Because it took a lot away from me it is a constant reminder of the attack and a permanent mark of losing the person i once was it's like It changed my whole personality and I feel like I am judged everywhere I go because of it

 

[Ash]

When your appearance changes suddenly without your consent, is such an integral part of your identity, is on a part of you that you see every time you look in the mirror, and it happened in such a frightening and trauma manner, I'm not surprised you're struggling to adjust. I wish had some words of wisdom that could help but all I can say is that I hear you. I genuinely think it's a bigger deal to you than to anyone who meets you for the first time or sees you on the street but I absolutely get where you're coming from.

I'm saying this off the top off my head so forgive me if I'm wrong but there's a BBC podcast called "Life Changing" and it's about all sorts of ordinary people who have been through life changing circumstances and what it has been like. I know there has been someone interviewed who survived a really nasty knife attack but I can't remember if that was a facial injury - though I'm sure I listened to one which did involve facial scarring. As I say, I can't remember off the top of my head. But in terms of people who really have been there in similar circumstances, it may help. Either way, welcome to the website. You're among a very strange family here.

 

[dolemitedrums]

It is above my left eye that picture was made on the Snapchat camera so it's inverted but I see where you coming from with scars being attractive etc but for me it's so hard to accept it as apart of who I am it really took me a long time to accept myself for the way I looked and to like my appearance but then after the attack it was like I had to get used to a whole new face and I still find it hard to accept. it really has damaged me as a person

I believe it has been very harmful. You have just massively overexaggerated in your mind the effect the scar has on your appearance. It's kind of like Ralph Fiennes in Red Dragon...he has a corrected cleft palate and looks pretty darn normal and handsome (and his scar is still a bigger issue than yours) but in his mind he looks like a monster.

 

[joedabest123]

Yeah

When your appearance changes suddenly without your consent, is such an integral part of your identity, is on a part of you that you see every time you look in the mirror, and it happened in such a frightening and trauma manner, I'm not surprised you're struggling to adjust. I wish had some words of wisdom that could help but all I can say is that I hear you. I genuinely think it's a bigger deal to you than to anyone who meets you for the first time or sees you on the street but I absolutely get where you're coming from.

I'm saying this off the top off my head so forgive me if I'm wrong but there's a BBC podcast called "Life Changing" and it's about all sorts of ordinary people who have been through life changing circumstances and what it has been like. I know there has been someone interviewed who survived a really nasty knife attack but I can't remember if that was a facial injury - though I'm sure I listened to one which did involve facial scarring. As I say, I can't remember off the top of my head. But in terms of people who really have been there in similar circumstances, it may help. Either way, welcome to the website. You're among a very strange family hee

When your appearance changes suddenly without your consent, is such an integral part of your identity, is on a part of you that you see every time you look in the mirror, and it happened in such a frightening and trauma manner, I'm not surprised you're struggling to adjust. I wish had some words of wisdom that could help but all I can say is that I hear you. I genuinely think it's a bigger deal to you than to anyone who meets you for the first time or sees you on the street but I absolutely get where you're coming from.

I'm saying this off the top off my head so forgive me if I'm wrong but there's a BBC podcast called "Life Changing" and it's about all sorts of ordinary people who have been through life changing circumstances and what it has been like. I know there has been someone interviewed who survived a really nasty knife attack but I can't remember if that was a facial injury - though I'm sure I listened to one which did involve facial scarring. As I say, I can't remember off the top of my head. But in terms of people who really have been there in similar circumstances, it may help. Either way, welcome to the website. You're among a very strange family here.

Yeah thanks for the welcome the only thing which saddens me about this forum is seeing those that actually take their own lives it's so sad to see I get completely where they are coming from but why should the world be so cruel that for some it seems like the only option

 

[Ash]

Yeah thanks for the welcome the only thing which saddens me about this forum is seeing those that actually take their own lives it's so sad to see I get completely where they are coming from but why should the world be so cruel that for some it seems like the only option

Oh yes. There's some wonderful people on here that make me want to go all Xena on the people who hurt them. (I'm an old fart who doesn't do modern pop culture references )

 

[joedabest123]

I believe it has been very harmful. You have just massively overexaggerated in your mind the effect the scar has on your appearance. It's kind of like Ralph Fiennes in Red Dragon...he has a corrected cleft palate and looks pretty darn normal and handsome (and his scar is still a bigger issue than yours) but in his mind he looks like a monster.

I guess you are right after nearly 4 years I suppose I have come to accept this scar and I guess it doesn't impact me that much I just don't like the mental trauma that has been associated with it and I wish so much to be able to take the thoughts and feelings I have away I am trying to work to become better stop gambling and try to live a normal life in the past 4 months I have managed to stop smoking weed start working again i guess my next goal is to stop gambling and try and learn how to drive the past couple days have been really hard for me there was a fire that started in my garden and i was out at the shop at the time I recently managed to save some money to buy some grow equipment and start growing some weed which would of really helped me money wise and it was something that gave me a lot of hope but In the time I was out at the shop the firemen that came to put out the fire searched my home reported my grow and the police came and took all my grow equipment and now it just feels like I am back at square one again I thought I was doing so well but now it just feels like I am fighting a losing battle I will be trying to save up for more grow equipment and get everything back up and running again and hopefully stop gambling and try to live a better more productive life I hope that one day I can post on this forum that i am in a much better place and that the thoughts of suicide have passed. fingers crossed though!

Oh yes. There's some wonderful people on here that make me want to go all Xena on the people who hurt them. (I'm an old fart who doesn't do modern pop culture references )

Hahaha so how old are you exactly and what has bought you to this forum

 

[Ash]

Hahaha so how old are you exactly and what has bought you to this forum

I'm in my forties. Came here to do research on suicide methods. Left, came back. I think it's a common pattern for many members. Try to be helpful. Sometimes fail hopelessly. Have been known to scream into the void.

 

[joedabest123]

I'm in my forties. Came here to do research on suicide methods. Left, came back. I think it's a common pattern for many members. Try to be helpful. Sometimes fail hopelessly. Have been known to scream into the void.

Oh okay I am literally here for the same reason i wanted to find a painless way to die I suppose and the SN method does seem a pretty painless way to go it's a shame this website is banned in the uk I literally can't access it without a VPN but I will say one thing it has actually helped me to view the reality of suicide and that it's not something we should do on a whim just because we are feeling bad all our thoughts and feelings will pass eventually and we can get better it just takes time and a lot of self love. besides we all die anyway why not try and enjoy the time we have here even though it can be really hard