Venting thoughts of an afterlife, and feelings of detachment from reality

[annique]

Hello!

I'm not much of an optimistic or dreamy person, nor am I religious, but I find beauty in things like trees, rivers, birds, butterflies, the sunrise and sunset and the night sky. Because of this, sometimes, I tend to my picture my post-death experience as me walking through a beautiful place filled with the songs of birds and alike, and the scent of flowers and fruits, and me feeling serene and rid of all the anxiety that doomed me while alive.

I might imagine this scenario because I might not want to die truly, but be somewhere else, surrounded by things that make me calm. Things I fail to find here on this planet, which I see as a true hell, filled with violence, greed, poverty, diseases, selfishness and so on.

Most of the times, though, I feel I want to never experience myself again, not even in an afterlife that seems prettier, but just oblivion and nothingness. My mind hop onto these two scenarios, while my body suffers here from shortness of breath, chest pain, headache, rushes of adrenaline and a seemingly endless demotivation to carry on.

Also, this past weeks have been weird for me, as I feel more and more detached from reality, like if I have a more serious mental illness. I keep losing track of time and my short-term memory is decaying. I just have 1 meal a day roughly and sleep away most of the days.

I guess it takes a toll on the soul to be suicidal since the age ~11 and after so many attempts of recovery through therapy, medications etc.


Can anyone else relate to anything I wrote?​

 

[LoopLooper]

Thank you so much for writing this OP, I relate so much.

I relate to a lot of what you just said. As a matter of fact, I do imagine my very own after life, which funny enough, isn't too unfamiliar from what we both already know, except a lot more utopian, with guaranteed basic necessities to prevent the pointless suffering brough about by awful economic policy. My afterlife is like a mega city that meets the basic needs of its citizens, all of whom are people and beings from across the universe that coexist in this functional society, and exists to create art to entertain themselves for all of eternity. There's also no fear of aging, and no physical pain or illness, and you can be as beautiful as you wish, in whatever body you best believe expresses your inner self.

In many ways, you could argue that I don't really want to "die" in the sense many users here do, but rather, abandon this life, as I have come to realize that my ideal world cannot exists in reality, and if I can't have it my way, I won't have it at all. I want to find something that this life cannot offer me, and thus, I must die in the hopes I find it.

And as for thoughts of "nothingness" after we die, I sort of just shrug my shoulders about it. Even if it's true, we're all going to die someday, and I can't do anything about it. If that's what it is, then so be it, but I choose to believe otherwise in the small chance that our afterlife is defined by our beliefs.


I hope to hear more from you, this was a great post!!!

 

[TheRottingContinues]

I've never imagined what my afterlife might be like, but this seems really fun. Thanks for that thought. I also relate to the feeling of "not wanting to experience myself again." Being stuck inside your own consciousness is so frustrating. About the part of being detached from reality, as I like to say it, "time flies when you live under the assumption that you're going to kill yourself." All the days mingle and blend together and you can't tell what's happening. I would randomly suddenly gain consciousness at random moment in the day, only to go on autopilot again a minute later. Amazing post, all my thoughts put into words. Thank you for posting this