DarknessInMe
Member
- Jun 19, 2023
- 93
To be totally clear here: My decision to ctb is determined, there's nothing I'm looking forward to more than to finally be free tomorrow.
This is my third suicide attempt, I've tried hanging myself before but I either got rescued or failed due to SI.
This time, I planned everything out very carefully and will die by poisoning myself with SN. I've booked a hotel room and will arrive there at about 4 pm tomorrow.
Even though everything is prepared and I could just feel calm and relaxed, knowing that I will finally be able to end this torture, I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed and guilty for this step.
I'll leave my family behind, including my twin sister who I had a really close relationship with. I know that I'll destroy them no matter how hard I try to reassure them that it is not their fault at all in a goodbye letter. And this hurts so much since it feels like this step is somehow extremely egoistic. But on the other hand, I just wish they could see it from my perspective.
I'm living in this hell for years now and accepted help again and again. I'm at a point where I don't want to be helped anymore. Life is not for me and never was, if only they could understand this in the slightest.
I just wish someone could take this guilt away from me.
This is my third suicide attempt, I've tried hanging myself before but I either got rescued or failed due to SI.
This time, I planned everything out very carefully and will die by poisoning myself with SN. I've booked a hotel room and will arrive there at about 4 pm tomorrow.
Even though everything is prepared and I could just feel calm and relaxed, knowing that I will finally be able to end this torture, I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed and guilty for this step.
I'll leave my family behind, including my twin sister who I had a really close relationship with. I know that I'll destroy them no matter how hard I try to reassure them that it is not their fault at all in a goodbye letter. And this hurts so much since it feels like this step is somehow extremely egoistic. But on the other hand, I just wish they could see it from my perspective.
I'm living in this hell for years now and accepted help again and again. I'm at a point where I don't want to be helped anymore. Life is not for me and never was, if only they could understand this in the slightest.
I just wish someone could take this guilt away from me.