Thought drowning would be easy; feel like an idiot.

[WeslieZX]

A little under a year ago I decided to 'give life another chance' and throw out my sodium nitrite, because I felt that having an easily available method of suicide was impeding my mental recovery. Without easy access to sodium nitrite, I found myself quickly turning to the idea of drowning. I've once again become set that suicide is the right choice for me, but I've realized drowning is far more difficult than I imagined. Everytime I've gone to a lake or ocean I ended up standing knee deep in the water crying to myself too afraid to do it. More recently I've dabbled with the idea of trying to lay facedown and drown myself in a bucket, which got me closer but the SI is impossible to overcome. For some reason I imagined drowning would be as simple as inhaling as much water as I could, then death would come shortly after. Now after holding myself in a bucket a few times(on some occasions long enough that my body started to convulse a bit as I became desperate for air) I realize how slow and excruciating a method drowning actually is.

Now I feel like a complete idiot for ever throwing away my SN, as it seems that it's much harder to find a reliable source for it now. All I wish is that I had gone through with it a year ago when I still had the chance. Now I either have to go to one of these strange websites and get SN that may or may not work, or somehow try to push through my SI to drown myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

Drowning sounds like an awful way to go. It is difficult as even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive. We all deserve the option of peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing, we should not have to resort to methods like this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. When the time comes to leave, I hope you find peace.

 

[Ta555]

From what I've read, the only time drowning is not terrifying or painful is when people drown from exhaustion. Eg swim too far out or fighting a tide. Then those who had nearly drowned or passed out just before being scooped out say they just felt out of it and didn't even really realise what was going on or they knew they were sinking but just didn't seem to care and felt heavy and peaceful.

Drowning in the tub or pool or bucket seems too difficult coz of SI...then again there are people who have accidentally died in the bath or hot tub after getting in while very drunk.

I'm sorry you're going through the frustration :( I hope you find some peace.

 

[WeslieZX]

Yes, I was planning to get extremely intoxicated to aid going through with it, but even that isn't enough. I think it's nearly impossible to drown yourself through sheer force of will. I read it takes 3-5 minutes to lose consciousness underwater, but once you run out of breath even ten seconds feels like forever.

I appreciate the kind responses from both of you. I found a source for SN that will be arriving tomorrow, and found an online pharmacy that I ordered metaclopramide from, although I think I'm going to attempt before that comes since I read it can take 2-6 weeks from this website.

 

[ScaredToLive]

Don't feel bad, it's been my main method (I actually have SN). I for some reason think cold plus water and I'll peacefully not live. I haven't managed to do it though (as you can see)

 

[IWTD]

A little under a year ago I decided to 'give life another chance' and throw out my sodium nitrite, because I felt that having an easily available method of suicide was impeding my mental recovery. Without easy access to sodium nitrite, I found myself quickly turning to the idea of drowning. I've once again become set that suicide is the right choice for me, but I've realized drowning is far more difficult than I imagined. Everytime I've gone to a lake or ocean I ended up standing knee deep in the water crying to myself too afraid to do it. More recently I've dabbled with the idea of trying to lay facedown and drown myself in a bucket, which got me closer but the SI is impossible to overcome. For some reason I imagined drowning would be as simple as inhaling as much water as I could, then death would come shortly after. Now after holding myself in a bucket a few times(on some occasions long enough that my body started to convulse a bit as I became desperate for air) I realize how slow and excruciating a method drowning actually is.

Now I feel like a complete idiot for ever throwing away my SN, as it seems that it's much harder to find a reliable source for it now. All I wish is that I had gone through with it a year ago when I still had the chance. Now I either have to go to one of these strange websites and get SN that may or may not work, or somehow try to push through my SI to drown myself.

You kidding me, you're good idiot isn't the word. This shit isn't easy