Discussion Those with narcissistic family, it is not your fault.

[LifeAfterDeath00]

I come from a very bad family, and they always devalued me, mocked me, never took me seriously, and I am sure disliked me, but acted differently in front of outsiders. I did a lot of things I am not proud of I will be honest. I made a lot of mistakes, but instead of asking what made me do it, they would always point their finger at me and blame me. It made me eventually hate myself, and made me feel like I can never do anything right. Maybe I had potential, I am too afraid to acknowledge that, and honestly latching onto something like potential seems redundant now, because a lot of people are talented but they have to kill themselves only because they are born into the wrong environment. I know now, that it is not my fault, and that even if i do the right things I will always be reminded of the wrong things I did. They will never let me get away from my past. I once cut my leg, and I required 7 stitches, but I was too afraid to tell them. I was scared they would blame me once again, that they would beat me up. I didn't tell them for 3 days out of fear. But the funny thing is fear turns into hatred. And hate them. I wish I belonged to a family where I was loved and cherished but it turn out, I am just unlucky that's all, a lot of us are. I can't keep on running, they will eventually catch me. They would rather destroy me, then let me be happy. I am ware why I need to kill myself. I really wanted to prove them wrong, but it turns out I will never be ale to do that. Because no matter what I do, they will always be there to remind me of my failures. I am the bad guy whether I like it or not. I am the worst. Thankfully I found this forum, and I can share some tidbits as to why I became the person I am today. Your outer appearance, your position in society, and where you are born have much more influence than you would like it to be true, that is the unfortunate truth. I am tried of fighting. I can't accept who I am, I will never be able to do that. I need to kill myself not because I want to, because that is what my current position demands.

 

[faust]

Hello, these people will never admit they were wrong. They think that you are their property hence you have to meet all of their expectations.
I am from the same family and I doubt after my CTB they will understand something, though I do hope.
There is no need to prove them anything, they will deem your success is their achievement but if you fail, it is only your fault.
They do not deserve respect or a good treatment from you, some people do not change, just do what you want if you can, this is your life.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Of course permanent no contact is best with such people, and it seems you would do that. But why can't you get away from them?

 

[DoNotLet2]

Goddamn it, it's so much fuckin relatable.
Even if I get out, I will be always confused.

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

Of course permanent no contact is best with such people, and it seems you would do that. But why can't you get away from them?

I am financially dependent on them. I live in Canada rn, which was a move I made to get away from them, but they pay the money for my tuition, I made a lot of decisions which were technically right, but flawed because obviously I can't see the future. My life will always be a hell hole. They have destroyed my self confidence, self respect, and made me feel worthless like a piece of trash. I have severe anxiety as a result so I think I can not trust anyone. I will continue to have a very bad life, and the only way. out as much as I hate to admit it is suicide. They will never let me be happy. I tried everything to "prove" myself. On top of that, I am not good looking either, and I am bulimic so I eat to suppress my bad feelings. I am just overall in a bad position. It is okay though, the only thing I am looking forward is to kill myself, but even with that I am afraid. Because they have made me think I am such a failure, I feel like I will fail this too. I am so scared. So so scared it is disgusting what they have done to me emotionally. And the worst part? they get away with it. All of them gets to be happy while I rot away.

Hello, these people will never admit they were wrong. They think that you are their property hence you have to meet all of their expectations.
I am from the same family and I doubt after my CTB they will understand something, though I do hope.
There is no need to prove them anything, they will deem your success is their achievement but if you fail, it is only your fault.
They do not deserve respect or a good treatment from you, some people do not change, just do what you want if you can, this is your life.

I feel you get where I am coming from and I agree with you. But I am trying to open my small business, but they are telling me how "low" that is. That I will not succeed. Whatever I do, I am always deemed a failure or I am not good enough. It is fucked up that such people exist, but I hope no one has to feel or be in the same position as me.

 

[escapefromabuse]

I feel for you. It's a terrible feeling when your own family isn't there for you. Recently my mother contacted my ex behind my back to request she not let me have my son. My son, who is literally the only reason I'm still here. I'm not sure why my mother did it but I can't say I'm surprised. She's consistently nasty toward me and it doesn't seem to matter what I do.

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

I feel for you. It's a terrible feeling when your own family isn't there for you. Recently my mother contacted my ex behind my back to request she not let me have my son. My son, who is literally the only reason I'm still here. I'm not sure why my mother did it but I can't say I'm surprised. She's consistently nasty toward me and it doesn't seem to matter what I do.

Fuck her, seriously. I hope you have full custody of your son. It is so fucked up if they portray you as the bad guy to your own son, but these people never change do they? I really hope you and your son can live happily together.

 

[escapefromabuse]

Fuck her, seriously. I hope you have full custody of your son. It is so fucked up if they portray you as the bad guy to your own son, but these people never change do they? I really hope you and your son can live happily together.

Unfortunately I don't have full custody but I see him a lot. My ex wife has been understanding and supportive and she knows how important our relationship is.

Oh...another story...when I told my mother I had my two youngest children for Christmas day she said she didn't even want my kids there. My two youngest, whose mother (different from my boy) has made access painful and difficult...my baby girls...Grandma didn't even want on Christmas Day. Yeah that hurt.

I get it. Toxic families suck and it explains why I thought a toxic woman was healthy and normal

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

Unfortunately I don't have full custody but I see him a lot. My ex wife has been understanding and supportive and she knows how important our relationship is.

Oh...another story...when I told my mother I had my two youngest children for Christmas day she said she didn't even want my kids there. My two youngest, whose mother (different from my boy) has made access painful and difficult...my baby girls...Grandma didn't even want on Christmas Day. Yeah that hurt.

I get it. Toxic families suck and it explains why I thought a toxic woman was healthy and normal

I hope having a mother like that doesn't influence your relationship with your children, you seem like a caring dad, which I never had, and I am jealous of your children, wow you seem like you adore them. Please be there for your children, I don't have any, so in a way I don't have anyone to hold me accountable. But I am sure having a supportive father would mean the world to them.
Plus, I agree with you on the last part, I always fell for men who were selfish, irresponsible and would abuse me, I never thought I was ever good enough for those who were genuinely good.
I hope you find a good woman, I really do. I know this is not something anyone in our position wants to hear, but there is someone out there I believe who will make it worthwhile.

 

[blueberryshake]

I come from a very bad family, and they always devalued me, mocked me, never took me seriously, and I am sure disliked me, but acted differently in front of outsiders. I did a lot of things I am not proud of I will be honest. I made a lot of mistakes, but instead of asking what made me do it, they would always point their finger at me and blame me. It made me eventually hate myself, and made me feel like I can never do anything right. Maybe I had potential, I am too afraid to acknowledge that, and honestly latching onto something like potential seems redundant now, because a lot of people are talented but they have to kill themselves only because they are born into the wrong environment. I know now, that it is not my fault, and that even if i do the right things I will always be reminded of the wrong things I did. They will never let me get away from my past. I once cut my leg, and I required 7 stitches, but I was too afraid to tell them. I was scared they would blame me once again, that they would beat me up. I didn't tell them for 3 days out of fear. But the funny thing is fear turns into hatred. And hate them. I wish I belonged to a family where I was loved and cherished but it turn out, I am just unlucky that's all, a lot of us are. I can't keep on running, they will eventually catch me. They would rather destroy me, then let me be happy. I am ware why I need to kill myself. I really wanted to prove them wrong, but it turns out I will never be ale to do that. Because no matter what I do, they will always be there to remind me of my failures. I am the bad guy whether I like it or not. I am the worst. Thankfully I found this forum, and I can share some tidbits as to why I became the person I am today. Your outer appearance, your position in society, and where you are born have much more influence than you would like it to be true, that is the unfortunate truth. I am tried of fighting. I can't accept who I am, I will never be able to do that. I need to kill myself not because I want to, because that is what my current position demands.

Dude, I feel your pain. I am so fucking sorry to hear that you're going through that shit. I was also raised by narcissists and they made my life hell ever since I can remember. I was the scapegoat child, I was beaten almost on daily basis for just being a kid, my malicious father would beat me for just doing what kids do. Not only that but I'd get humiliated in public, I'd get insulted and degraded with awful words and I'd get no respect for privacy. See what narcissists do is they make their child's world revolve around them, they never let the child be their own person. Instead the child has a responsibility to take care of their needs, to make sure that they're happy. And the child is always tiptoeing around them to avoid being hurt, but the child gets hurt anyways. In my case my father would provoke me and bully me and when he got a reaction he'd take the opportunity to hit and to take away everything I enjoyed such as my phone, laptop, books, anything that was valuable to me really. I remember being terrified to go home after school, I remember feeling severe anxiety at such a young age. See normal parents raise their children by showing them love, affection, respect, support, by teaching them independence and confidence. But parents like mine and yours corrupt our minds and souls, they make us hate ourselves and they make us think that we are incapable of achieving anything and that without them we won't survive. So many who were abused by narcissists end up being co-dependant with them. Worst part is when you do stand up for yourself and tell them how they hurt you they gaslight and manipulate. My mother likes to blame the unhappiness and misfortune of this family on me and she likes to tell me how I ruined her life. And whenever my lunatic father hears something about himself he throws a tantrum like those 5 year olds that you see in supermarkets. And my parents like yours love to remind me of my past mistakes and how I fucked up my entire life. They've turned my younger siblings against me because they always told them how I am to blame for all the screaming and shouting in the house. So I'm the villain of this story. I hate to admit it but I still doubt my sanity because of them and they still manage to make me feel soul crushing guilt which leaves me crying all night, questioning if I really am bad. Abuse is a cruel thing which ruins people. You deserved better than that, my heart breaks for you..*Hugs*

 

[LifeAfterDeath00]

Dude, I feel your pain. I am so fucking sorry to hear that you're going through that shit. I was also raised by narcissists and they made my life hell ever since I can remember. I was the scapegoat child, I was beaten almost on daily basis for just being a kid, my malicious father would beat me for just doing what kids do. Not only that but I'd get humiliated in public, I'd get insulted and degraded with awful words and I'd get no respect for privacy. See what narcissists do is they make their child's world revolve around them, they never let the child be their own person. Instead the child has a responsibility to take care of their needs, to make sure that they're happy. And the child is always tiptoeing around them to avoid being hurt, but the child gets hurt anyways. In my case my father would provoke me and bully me and when he got a reaction he'd take the opportunity to hit and to take away everything I enjoyed such as my phone, laptop, books, anything that was valuable to me really. I remember being terrified to go home after school, I remember feeling severe anxiety at such a young age. See normal parents raise their children by showing them love, affection, respect, support, by teaching them independence and confidence. But parents like mine and yours corrupt our minds and souls, they make us hate ourselves and they make us think that we are incapable of achieving anything and that without them we won't survive. So many who were abused by narcissists end up being co-dependant with them. Worst part is when you do stand up for yourself and tell them how they hurt you they gaslight and manipulate. My mother likes to blame the unhappiness and misfortune of this family on me and she likes to tell me how I ruined her life. And whenever my lunatic father hears something about himself he throws a tantrum like those 5 year olds that you see in supermarkets. And my parents like yours love to remind me of my past mistakes and how I fucked up my entire life. They've turned my younger siblings against me because they always told them how I am to blame for all the screaming and shouting in the house. So I'm the villain of this story. I hate to admit it but I still doubt my sanity because of them and they still manage to make me feel soul crushing guilt which leaves me crying all night, questioning if I really am bad. Abuse is a cruel thing which ruins people. You deserved better than that, my heart breaks for you..*Hugs*

I hope you are independent now and on your journey to healing.