Those who have been close or failed their attempt:

[Marmesan]

Do you notice any physical changes when your body is close to death? Like somehow it's separate from your mind but still knows the end is coming?
For example, I notice my heart rate rises quite a bit and I become incredibly anxious, I know this is SI speaking so hopefully one day (with or without the help of drugs/alcohol) I can overcome this in the near future, as I hope to CTB relatively soon
I heard a woman who survived an attempt started to urinate on herself as the time came closer...

 

[headinghome]

I took drugs that made me drowsy and sleep so it was very peaceful but unfortunately wasn't strong enough I think if you're aware and of course it's going to be horrible and that's why none of these methods are attractive or work very well… That's why we need to be able to have access to these painless medications....Stop living in the dark ages and accept the fact that the right to choose death is a human right and shouldn't be denied…

 

[Nihil]

My fingers, hands, feet, and other parts of my body become icy cold whenever I'm one step away from death, such as standing with a noose around my neck or a loaded gun aimed at my head. Time just feels like it slows to a halt for me. Any external noises or distractions fade from my perception. Even my heartbeat gets real low, and I can feel every THUMP. Same with breathing really. Just becomes real slow as I try to prepare myself for my last breath. I don't get as nervous with nooses or firearms in terms of a means of dying (having failed a hanging attempt though, I stay away from nooses now). However, the times I have been to the Grand Canyon or in any tall building looking down, I get all sweaty and incredibly nervous. Heart beats faster, and I breathe faster. Guess it's just the perception of which method looks more like a terrifyingly painful death versus one that isn't. My survival instinct is much stronger staring down a cliff verus staring down the barrel of a gun. My SI doesn't really act up when I've had a loaded gun pointed at my head because guns don't really scare or intimidate me. That said though, playing Russian roulette sometimes aggrevates or lessens my SI because dying is left to chance. It's easier to pull the trigger if I don't know for sure that I will die, but it's also sometimes harder because the suspense of actually possibly dying can flare up too. SI is different for everyone and how to lessen it depends entirely on you and what it takes to relax it.

 

[reznikoff]

My hands and feet were very cold, but to me they felt shaky and hot. I felt like I was watching myself outside of my body. I couldn't tell what was real or what wasn't. Survival instinct was crazier than anything I've ever felt (granted, I was high out of my mind - this was a failed overdose attempt).

 

[Egddios]

My first attempt. I had been drinking excessively, and realized there was no escape from the hell awaiting me at home. I grabbed a corkscrew/knife combo from the bar I was at, left the bar and took a cab (this was in NYC) to grab my things from the hotel I'd been staying at to celebrate my 30th birthday. Once I had my bags, I walked towards the Hudson river, originally thinking I'd make it to the George Washington bridge and then jump. But then I figured I didn't have enough time, as friends were already looking for me. Instead, I found a parking lot in midtown, where a bunch of 18 wheeler trucks were parked for the holiday weekend (this was Memorial Day weekend). I crawled under one of the trucks, laid myself down, stabbed myself and consumed an entire bottle of Naproxen. I put my headphones in, put some music on, and I passed out shortly after. I wasn't found till about a day later; police were looking for me, they couldn't find my location from my phone as I was between city blocks and under a truck which I guess they didn't suspect I'd be. I woke up to flashlights from the police, I could barely see and had pissed myself, vomited and almost was successful as I was close to hypothermia. It wasn't a good plan, it was made on impulse again, because I wanted to die rather than go home to face my husband and problems we were having. It was a close call; the first thought I remember having when I woke up was of disappointment to be here still. They took me to the the hospital, all that, it helped nothing and eventually I attempted again about a year or so later.

I'm planning now, with much research and more knowledge and determination, to end my life by the end of May. I had been thinking of the night night method but ultimately I'm going to hang myself. I live on my own now, have the privacy and ability to complete it uninterrupted.

The similarities of my first attempt and my upcoming and hopefully final attempt, are the feelings of strong determination. I want to end my life, I am certain of it. These next few weeks will be a game of playing it off like I'm trying to recover, to appease my therapist and psychiatrist. I have a good amount of Klonopin, which I plan to take when the time comes.

I'm 35, and I'm done trying. I realize it more and more each day. Night time is when I feel most comfortable, the darkness is soothing to me, and sleep...when I can sleep, is so precious. All I want is peace and an end to this life. It's coming. These next few weeks will hopefully go by quickly enough, and I hope to be gone by my 36th birthday.

 

[Divine Trinity]

Time just feels like it slows to a halt for me. Any external noises or distractions fade from my perception. Even my heartbeat gets real low, and I can feel every THUMP. Same with breathing really. Just becomes real slow...

This. Your brain just goes into overdrive and you're thinking in miliseconds, 1/2 a second feels like 10. Because everything is so slow you think you're suffocating during normal breathes and start hyperventilating, but the extra air doesn't help and you panic.

I had tunnel vision, and couldn't feel my legs, there's also some sort of blood transfer that makes the lower abdomen tingly in an unpleasant way.

It seems like you're thinking but it's the SI, at some point you stop being aware of your own thoughts and the surroundings. All you're capable of thinking about or are aware of is this imminent danger, you realize why the saying is "confronting death" if you live to recall the experience.

 

[Jon86]

My fingers, hands, feet, and other parts of my body become icy cold whenever I'm one step away from death, such as standing with a noose around my neck or a loaded gun aimed at my head. Time just feels like it slows to a halt for me. Any external noises or distractions fade from my perception. Even my heartbeat gets real low, and I can feel every THUMP. Same with breathing really. Just becomes real slow as I try to prepare myself for my last breath. I don't get as nervous with nooses or firearms in terms of a means of dying (having failed a hanging attempt though, I stay away from nooses now). However, the times I have been to the Grand Canyon or in any tall building looking down, I get all sweaty and incredibly nervous. Heart beats faster, and I breathe faster. Guess it's just the perception of which method looks more like a terrifyingly painful death versus one that isn't. My survival instinct is much stronger staring down a cliff verus staring down the barrel of a gun. My SI doesn't really act up when I've had a loaded gun pointed at my head because guns don't really scare or intimidate me. That said though, playing Russian roulette sometimes aggrevates or lessens my SI because dying is left to chance. It's easier to pull the trigger if I don't know for sure that I will die, but it's also sometimes harder because the suspense of actually possibly dying can flare up too. SI is different for everyone and how to lessen it depends entirely on you and what it takes to relax it.

There was a French film I saw years back on Russian roullete called '13 Tzameti' that I thought was really good.

Never had an out of body experience, just intense guilt when i'm passing out whenever I try to do partial suspension. I can't let go of the guilt, that method takes to damn long. I recommend it first for those who are 'unsure' because you'll most likely fail and perhaps find a new motivation to continue.

 

[Deadgirl]

Well when i nearly asphyxiated i was trashing around, then i lost consciousness because i don't know what was going on. I woke up confused then relized i faled.

 

[k3v3r]

i sweated, my heart rate rised and i had this weird feeling in my head and fingertips

 

[JadedGray]

I felt at peace. The only thing I remember is labored breathing and my body becoming numb, like all life was leaving me.

 

[TAW122]

I'd say when I come closer to my attempt (not like within an inch of death), I do feel my heart beat increasing, being more restless, and generally being more nervous than ever. I never really actually taken a loaded gun to my head/mouth but I have dry fired my weapon before just to work on desensitizing myself. I would say even when I'm actively suicidal there are still barriers before actually going through with the deed, and two instances I can recall are:

Back in Summer 2018, I was actively suicidal but then I reach a point where I told myself if things went as I hoped for in September 2018, then I won't CTB in December 2018. Fortunately, September 2018 went well, so I didn't CTB in December 2018. While I did get my method, a firearm (shotgun) in December 2018, it was more of a future thing just in case things turned to shit in 2019 or the future.

Then in February/March 2019, I was a dark spot again, then once again, I took a chance and told myself once more, if things went well, then I'm going to survive a bit longer and recover, but if I failed to succeed in March 2019, then end of May 2019 will be when I CTB. Thankfully and luckily, I succeeded in March 2019 and made a small recovery, enough to tolerate life (not really enthused about living but just not actively suicidal).

So those were just examples of how close I am to my attempt and those two scenarios are just catalysts determining my fate (which means they can either keep me longer or green light myself into going through on my set date)

 

[mrnadim]

In my last attempt i did not feel anything , i didnt even think of anyone or a thing my focus was just on the music i was listening to

 

[Letmego. Please]

I was in a coma having wonderful hallucinations when things shifted to this nice soft grey place where i knew i had stopped breathing & it was so peaceful, i knew i was going to die.

I put that down to hallucinating when i work up 2 wks later, till i was told that as soon as i ended up in hospital i was ventilated.

God dam do i want that feeling back & for no bugger to take it from me again...

 

[Garyjd]

Yes, meddlers are

I was in a coma having wonderful hallucinations when things shifted to this nice soft grey place where i knew i had stopped breathing & it was so peaceful, i knew i was going to die.

I put that down to hallucinating when i work up 2 wks later, till i was told that as soon as i ended up in hospital i was ventilated.

God dam do i want that feeling back & for no bugger to take it from me again...

Yes meddlers are the worst. They call us selfish and ruin our plans. All 3 of my attempts were failures so I have found a way that will work for sure and away from people aswell. I do remember a sense of pure relief before I passed out, it was a fantastic feeling, I even got as far as falling into respiratory arrest, maybe just a few more minutes i would have been successful

 

[John Smith]

My fingers, hands, feet, and other parts of my body become icy cold whenever I'm one step away from death, such as standing with a noose around my neck or a loaded gun aimed at my head. Time just feels like it slows to a halt for me. Any external noises or distractions fade from my perception. Even my heartbeat gets real low, and I can feel every THUMP. Same with breathing really. Just becomes real slow as I try to prepare myself for my last breath. I don't get as nervous with nooses or firearms in terms of a means of dying (having failed a hanging attempt though, I stay away from nooses now). However, the times I have been to the Grand Canyon or in any tall building looking down, I get all sweaty and incredibly nervous. Heart beats faster, and I breathe faster. Guess it's just the perception of which method looks more like a terrifyingly painful death versus one that isn't. My survival instinct is much stronger staring down a cliff verus staring down the barrel of a gun. My SI doesn't really act up when I've had a loaded gun pointed at my head because guns don't really scare or intimidate me. That said though, playing Russian roulette sometimes aggrevates or lessens my SI because dying is left to chance. It's easier to pull the trigger if I don't know for sure that I will die, but it's also sometimes harder because the suspense of actually possibly dying can flare up too. SI is different for everyone and how to lessen it depends entirely on you and what it takes to relax it.

did you fail at full suspension or partial? if so why?

Well when i nearly asphyxiated i was trashing around, then i lost consciousness because i don't know what was going on. I woke up confused then relized i faled.

Full suspension? why did you wake up?

 

[Nihil]

did you fail at full suspension or partial? if so why?

Partial, and because my first hanging attempt was a poorly constructed belt noose. Came undone after beginning to hang within like three seconds or so.

 

[Ruffian]

I was pretty close with my last OD attempt, but got rescued and ended up in the hospital. I don't know how close I was, but I hated waking up like that.

 

[limone]

I tried full suspension but failed due to too long rope. Thus I didn't faint but was feeling very sharp pain in my neck. Moreover my SI appeared and I just got scared...