Discussion Those of you who struggle with trauma, what's the most annoying thing people say to you?

[Gl1tch3d G1rl]

For me it's tied between 2:

1. "Just move on, it's all in your past anyway" or the like. Do people seriously think I wouldn't have already if it was that easy? The only thing I want to, is to move on, but my fucking brain won't let me!

2. "Why won't you trust him/her/them? They're not [insert abusor(s) name(s) here], you have to trust them!" etc. etc. When you've been stabbed in your back time after time, how tf do you expect me to trust people??? It's not like I want to have trust issues, smh.

I also hate it when people try to justify the trauma like "you're overreacting" or "They meant well" etc. Like they would know...

 

[dragonofenvy]

Not taking it seriously. It's one thing to be a bit puzzled by it and ask questions which I'm fine with answering. It's another just brush it aside or call you weak for having something that affected you. Also minimizing the permanent effects it can have especially if it occurs at a young age which to be fair most people don't understand psychology on that level so I guess I don't totally fault them. My favorite one is when people go for the whole "it gives you strength and builds your character" angle. Yeah it certainly built my character just in the wrong way.

People (understandably), can't comprehend what it feels like and because of this easily diminish it. Unless they've experienced deep trauma like a lot of people on this site have they'll never be able to relate. Otherwise, it's a problem on the other side of the world to them. I'm sure not everyone is like this, just everyone I've ever known.

 

[Namelesa]

something I been told along the lines of sometimes is that "I just remember it more negatively than what actually happened." and I don't know whether to actually think what they are saying is true or not and makes me think my memory is just overexaggerating and I am just pathetic. That's actually probably true cus I haven't actually gone anything that terrible.

 

[dragonofenvy]

That's actually probably true cus I haven't actually gone anything that terrible.

Even if something isn't that terrible it's still terrible. Like sure I went through stuff that was bad, but of course it probably isn't nearly as bad as being a child soldier or a slave in diamond mines never seeing the sun for months, but that doesn't mean that what I went through was somehow not bad and that I should be able to get through it. That's your mind trying to guilt you. Even better, a lot of people try to use this to guilt you as though you'll somehow get better from feeling guilty (you feel worse).

If you're being affected emotionally by something it was traumatic, it's a strong word to use for some things that sound as trivial as say, being absolutely humiliated in a school presentation, but it still was. Because now you have permanent anxiety, you fear being in the spotlight, you fear to be ambitious and now your life stagnates. As your life gets worse, it, well funnily enough starts getting worse as self-worth issues start piling in and your drive disappears as depression sets in. All of this because of embarrassment at school. This really happens. I've seen it, I've read research papers on it. So even if it "wasn't as bad", it still is until it is treated. Then you can look back at it and chuckle to yourself about it. Or, you minimizing it is in itself a trauma response, which is often the case. No matter which it is, my previous logic still remains true.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

My favorite one is when people go for the whole "it gives you strength and builds your character" angle. Yeah it certainly built my character just in the wrong way.

You said it. Everyone has a different capacity for tolerating adversity, and sometimes events will happen in someone's life that far outstrips their capacity. You can't expect them to "grow stronger" from that experience any more than you could expect a fence to hold firm against a tsunami when it was only meant to handle a creek.

 

[Promised Heaven]

"You chose to let it bother you".

It bothers me because it ruined me. It bothers me because it defined me. It bothers me because it destroyed everything good in my life.