Venting This post is pointless and stupid, but I have to say this to someone living and not send notes to myself again

[Aloken]

I just can't deal with the pain anymore. I have so many problems, so much pain coming from so many directions, but a certain direction causes me so much more pain that I simply can't. I was thinking that I'll probably go sometime before 2022, maybe around November. But I'm afraid I have to go much sooner. Maybe in the summer. I have to use a sn of unknown purity, I have to risk it. If I fall from a building and fail, it'll be so much harder to attempt again. I just can't stand living anymore. And if I die and continue to get hurt by stuff and be in terrible situations (I believe consciousness survives death) I will fucking kill myself.
I will kill myself a 100 times if I have to. I didn't come here to feel such pain.

 

[Manaaja]

Your post isn't pointless and stupid. If writing it eased your mind, then it's good you wrote it. It's awful that you have to suffer from so much pain. There's a Finnish song where they sing (translated to English) "When I was younger, I thought there's a place where they measure that you aren't given too much to handle.". If only it could be true. Life on this planet can feel like a damn endurance test. Even if there are days or weeks or even a couple of months when everything goes well, you're soon given more trials and obstacles.

It's good that you're thinking it thoroughly. I hope you find peace somehow. You deserve to be free of pain. And since you believe in life after death, I hope you can find a better life there no matter when and how you enter it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I often feel the same way. This existence really can be terrible and it is a burden to me how there is no easy way out. I hope you find peace and an end to your suffering whatever happens.

 

[Aloken]

Your post isn't pointless and stupid. If writing it eased your mind, then it's good you wrote it. It's awful that you have to suffer from so much pain. There's a Finnish song where they sing (translated to English) "When I was younger, I thought there's a place where they measure that you aren't given too much to handle.". If only it could be true. Life on this planet can feel like a damn endurance test. Even if there are days or weeks or even a couple of months when everything goes well, you're soon given more trials and obstacles.

It's good that you're thinking it thoroughly. I hope you find peace somehow. You deserve to be free of pain. And since you believe in life after death, I hope you can find a better life there no matter when and how you enter it.

You made me cry when you acknowledged my suffering. Thank you so much. Of course I agree, life can give you more than you can handle..I know I can't handle it and I don't want to handle it anymore, life shouldn't be about handling problems that make you want to die..

Thank you, I hope I find peace..maybe it would be better if there wasn't life after death at all..I hope my experience after here will be better

I often feel the same way. This existence really can be terrible and it is a burden to me how there is no easy way out. I hope you find peace and an end to your suffering whatever happens.

It's terrible that people suffer. Thank you very much, I hope you find peace too either way.

 

[Manaaja]

You made me cry when you acknowledged my suffering. Thank you so much. Of course I agree, life can give you more than you can handle..I know I can't handle it and I don't want to handle it anymore, life shouldn't be about handling problems that make you want to die..

Thank you, I hope I find peace..maybe it would be better if there wasn't life after death at all..I hope my experience after here will be better

It's terrible that people suffer. Thank you very much, I hope you find peace too either way.

*hugs* There are people who understand what you're going through and want you to feel better.

In one game there was a character who said "I don't want to survive, I want to live." I usually never remember video game quotes, but that one stuck with me. We survive so much and live so little. I read a post from a man years ago. He had a really stressful job, and only got one month a year for a vacation. He spent the first two weeks recovering from the stress and healing. In the third week he enjoyed his vacation, and the fourth week he spent stressing over having to go to back work soon. So out of the 4 week vacation, only one week was real vacation, and the rest was stressing over work. That's exactly how life usually is. Even when there are good moments, you end up spending the good moments healing from bad moments or being anxious of future bad moments instead of being free to feel and do whatever you want.

I think everyone (or at least good people) deserves to at least once experience what it would be to live their dream life. If for example, a child is born blind, I feel it's too cruel to say "You will never be able to see no matter what happens" or if a person has bad parents, they deserve to feel the love of good, loving parents. A world where everything goes well is no more illogical than a world where everything goes wrong. If a bad world exists, then a good world can also exists. Or that's what I try and want to believe anyway.

I can understand wishing for a non-existence sometimes. I try to be positive about afterlife, but I too, sometimes fear "What if the next life is just as bad?". Positivity is better and more healthy than negativity, but it's hard to be positive after experiencing so many bad things in life.

Thank you! I really hope there will be better times ahead for everyone whether they be in this life or in the next.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this pain.
You seem to be quite nice and don't deserve to suffer. Wish I could help you somehow.

Send you lots of hugs,

Matt

 

[Aloken]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this pain.
You seem to be quite nice and don't deserve to suffer. Wish I could help you somehow.

Send you lots of hugs,

Matt

Thank you Matt for your kind words. Well, what can you do, people suffer..I wish somebody could help me, but nobody can..my heart aches so much. Hugs to you too

*hugs* There are people who understand what you're going through and want you to feel better.

In one game there was a character who said "I don't want to survive, I want to live." I usually never remember video game quotes, but that one stuck with me. We survive so much and live so little. I read a post from a man years ago. He had a really stressful job, and only got one month a year for a vacation. He spent the first two weeks recovering from the stress and healing. In the third week he enjoyed his vacation, and the fourth week he spent stressing over having to go to back work soon. So out of the 4 week vacation, only one week was real vacation, and the rest was stressing over work. That's exactly how life usually is. Even when there are good moments, you end up spending the good moments healing from bad moments or being anxious of future bad moments instead of being free to feel and do whatever you want.

I think everyone (or at least good people) deserves to at least once experience what it would be to live their dream life. If for example, a child is born blind, I feel it's too cruel to say "You will never be able to see no matter what happens" or if a person has bad parents, they deserve to feel the love of good, loving parents. A world where everything goes well is no more illogical than a world where everything goes wrong. If a bad world exists, then a good world can also exists. Or that's what I try and want to believe anyway.

I can understand wishing for a non-existence sometimes. I try to be positive about afterlife, but I too, sometimes fear "What if the next life is just as bad?". Positivity is better and more healthy than negativity, but it's hard to be positive after experiencing so many bad things in life.

Thank you! I really hope there will be better times ahead for everyone whether they be in this life or in the next.

*hugs to you too*

Exactly, this is what I want. I want to live, not to survive. There's a huge distance between surviving
and living..


I wish suffering didn't exist. I wish we got to experience it only in dreams, so that we could feel and know happiness and separate it from suffering.

Positivity is nice, but sometimes it's almost impossible to entertain positive ideas. You seem positive, I'm glad, keep it up!