N
Nati
Member
- Nov 6, 2020
- 33
21. Basically emotionally disabled as I don't get any satisfaction in anything, even the stuff I "like to do", which mean I don't really do much. I live in my parents house pretty comfortably, physically. I got a spacious room, good food and anything else I might want I have my own money to take care of it.
But.. I feel stuck. I feel exactly the same as 4 years ago when it truly hit me that there's a very slight chance I'll get out of this situation. The road I'm currently on ends with me, in my parents house, dying from natural causes because for some reason I can't bring myself to suicide. I think it might be because I'm too comfortable and I have nothing to push me. No pressure from work, no obligation.. I'm basically a plant.
So.. I wanted to push myself out of the house. Rent an apartment and see what will happen. It's gotta be positive. Either I'll be forced to go out and socialize (groceries, stores) and I'll find life more "sufferable" or I'll finally be pressured to kill myself and actually succeed this time.
But.. I have too much anxiety to even do this! Just the thought of calling someone to ask about an apartment is making me breath hard and literally shake! I just can't see myself do the first step of committing to a lease. I know it probably will be easier after that but I just can't.
Maybe I'm simply spoiled. Maybe I'm actually disabled and something is wrong with my brain. This or that.. I don't think it matters. I'm doomed either way.
Cancer would be so much easier, God!
But.. I feel stuck. I feel exactly the same as 4 years ago when it truly hit me that there's a very slight chance I'll get out of this situation. The road I'm currently on ends with me, in my parents house, dying from natural causes because for some reason I can't bring myself to suicide. I think it might be because I'm too comfortable and I have nothing to push me. No pressure from work, no obligation.. I'm basically a plant.
So.. I wanted to push myself out of the house. Rent an apartment and see what will happen. It's gotta be positive. Either I'll be forced to go out and socialize (groceries, stores) and I'll find life more "sufferable" or I'll finally be pressured to kill myself and actually succeed this time.
But.. I have too much anxiety to even do this! Just the thought of calling someone to ask about an apartment is making me breath hard and literally shake! I just can't see myself do the first step of committing to a lease. I know it probably will be easier after that but I just can't.
Maybe I'm simply spoiled. Maybe I'm actually disabled and something is wrong with my brain. This or that.. I don't think it matters. I'm doomed either way.
Cancer would be so much easier, God!