This new year,
Not within fear,
May I find the peace,
That I seek,
Either to live,
Or to die,
What shall I do,
For it is uncertain to me,
I have enough money to pay,
For this month's rent,
I worried about the other,
Someone who brought me crack,
For which I did relapsed,
Not as an addict,
But as a potential one,
I rather be dead,
But I can't even do that,
What is my objective,
In this life,
Everything I have,
I did not earn,
Nor do I deserve,
Provided,
By others,
Not myself,
The words of others,
Whether it be laughter,
Or past of others,
This world is uncertain to me,
Even the choices I make,
Should be forbidden for others,
Death is certain,
Unlike life,
Is it truly me?
Or is it others,
Me being dead,
Doesn't seem to bother me,
Only for others,
The words we use,
For they can truly kill,
I understand the bigger picture,
But not the intention of others,
Sometimes I know,
For the others seem to bother me,
Just let me be me,
Or simply kill me,
I would take it gladly,
Even in fear,
Preferred method be shotgun,
Out of good measure,
Shoot me several times in the back of the skull,
Out of my misery even in my heart,
Do I hate myself?
Or do I hate how others have treated me,
As an Indonesian American,
Genetically I'm a joke,
This world shouldn't have brought me,
Into existence,
For the persistence of others,
And even within myself,
Why can I live,
When I want to die,
Not to be a broken record,
This world doesn't seem that important,
To me anymore,
I am alive for what,
Society,
Community,
Family and Friends,
And pets,
Just kill me please peacefully,
This world is empty,
To me,
Nothing but pain, pleasure, and suffering,
Happiness seems to be,
A mirage of what we built,
And what we destroy,
For how can I be happy,
If others ruin it,
What is the point,
Of this meaning we search for,
To live and even die for,
Should I just die,
And let them win?
You be doing me a favor,
In the end take me away from my pain,
I won't be able to gain from anything sure,
But it would be better than living in this world,
For what is there to gain whether you have nothing to learn.
Not within fear,
May I find the peace,
That I seek,
Either to live,
Or to die,
What shall I do,
For it is uncertain to me,
I have enough money to pay,
For this month's rent,
I worried about the other,
Someone who brought me crack,
For which I did relapsed,
Not as an addict,
But as a potential one,
I rather be dead,
But I can't even do that,
What is my objective,
In this life,
Everything I have,
I did not earn,
Nor do I deserve,
Provided,
By others,
Not myself,
The words of others,
Whether it be laughter,
Or past of others,
This world is uncertain to me,
Even the choices I make,
Should be forbidden for others,
Death is certain,
Unlike life,
Is it truly me?
Or is it others,
Me being dead,
Doesn't seem to bother me,
Only for others,
The words we use,
For they can truly kill,
I understand the bigger picture,
But not the intention of others,
Sometimes I know,
For the others seem to bother me,
Just let me be me,
Or simply kill me,
I would take it gladly,
Even in fear,
Preferred method be shotgun,
Out of good measure,
Shoot me several times in the back of the skull,
Out of my misery even in my heart,
Do I hate myself?
Or do I hate how others have treated me,
As an Indonesian American,
Genetically I'm a joke,
This world shouldn't have brought me,
Into existence,
For the persistence of others,
And even within myself,
Why can I live,
When I want to die,
Not to be a broken record,
This world doesn't seem that important,
To me anymore,
I am alive for what,
Society,
Community,
Family and Friends,
And pets,
Just kill me please peacefully,
This world is empty,
To me,
Nothing but pain, pleasure, and suffering,
Happiness seems to be,
A mirage of what we built,
And what we destroy,
For how can I be happy,
If others ruin it,
What is the point,
Of this meaning we search for,
To live and even die for,
Should I just die,
And let them win?
You be doing me a favor,
In the end take me away from my pain,
I won't be able to gain from anything sure,
But it would be better than living in this world,
For what is there to gain whether you have nothing to learn.
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