This makes it real. My dad, the kindest, gentlest person you could ever meet. Goes to show that on the outside a person can seem fine, but on the inside the demons that must've raged. I understand how he must've felt those last days. How alone, how desperate and how hopeless. I'm sorry, Dad.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I'm sorry for your loss. Would you like to talk about your father? We would love to hear about him. 
I'm sorry for your loss. Would you like to talk about your father? We would love to hear about him.
I could talk for days. I had a good childhood and blame my affection for animals on him. I learned early how to take care of animals.
I worked alongside him and was with him the day before, laughing and joking. And then the next night we found him slumped and unresponsive over his desk. The medics "saved" him only for us to watch him rot on life support for 17 days. He was brain dead. He'd overdosed on phenobarbital. Nobody saw it coming.
I think his death has affected me in ways I don't even know. I thought I'd managed okay but I'm not so sure anymore. It's probably partially how I got here. If he was where I'm at in his head when he made his decision, then I finally understand why he did it.
Broken Chimera
The abyss also gazes into you
- May 27, 2019
- 972
avoid_slow_death
Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
- Feb 4, 2020
- 1,235
Terribly sorry for your loss. It seems like your father was a very empathic soul. I am not going to try and say what his mindset was with any certainty when he made his decision, but, the fact that that was his nature perhaps had much to do with it. I can also relate to your grief on a certain level as my mom was probably the same. She always put others before her to the point of sacrificing everything she had including her health. She didn't die by her own hand, but, she did go slowly and painfully. Was horrible to watch and even though it was almost six years since she passed, it still affects me each and every day.
Anyways, I am rambling on. My apologies. If you need to talk, I will do my best to respond.
EDIT: I noticed your avatar descriptor is a Bill Hicks quote. Awesome. One of my personal idols.
Anyways, I am rambling on. My apologies. If you need to talk, I will do my best to respond.
EDIT: I noticed your avatar descriptor is a Bill Hicks quote. Awesome. One of my personal idols.
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Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
I love hearing stories like this. I never had a family and dreamed of having a childhood with loving parents. Maybe I wouldn't be here.
We are all here if you want to talk, and feel free to PM me if you like. My partner CTB 2 months ago today. I understand death affecting you in ways you don't fully understand. I'm still processing on a daily basis.
I knew Stan was going to CTB. I am sorry you had no warning. It could be a blessing not knowing or an absolute shock.
We are all here for you, and we understand.
@Jean4 @Broken Chimera @avoid_slow_death Thank you all. I miss him often but I hope he found the peace he was looking for. I know he looked at methods like I'm doing since we found his copy of Dying with Dignity in his desk. I'm in a quagmire of my own and peace sounds pretty good right now.
@Jean4 I'm sorry for your loss. I've only read the threads here. I can see he contributed a lot to SS and was respected a lot here. I don't know that loss ever gets easier.
@Jean4 I'm sorry for your loss. I've only read the threads here. I can see he contributed a lot to SS and was respected a lot here. I don't know that loss ever gets easier.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
If you have any questions, I am here. In my previous life, I worked for the Hemlock society and other similar organizations, and worked with Derek Humphrey. ;)
No. It doesn't get easier. You learn coping techniques that you never knew existed. ;)
LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
So sorry for ur loss, Love..He really does look very kind n gentle..I lost my dad 3 yrs ago n it's still hurts so much..He was also very gentle, never even raised his voice to me in all my life, n i made many bad decisions that hurt him.I never got a chance to really apologize n tell him how much of an amazing dad he was n how much I love him ..so sad when the good parents leave early n the sucky ones live long to torment their children..
I'm sorry for your loss. It's not easy to lose a parent. That loss just lingers, especially if there's words left unsaid. I don't think the world is meant for gentle souls. It's the cold and heartless people that make it more often than not.
Lostandfound7
Just waiting....
- Jan 21, 2020
- 995
Yes! esp a "good" parent! I feel ur pain. Esp under such sudden, tragic circumstances..My heart goes out to u..
