I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for more than a decade now. With unrelenting frequency since my health took a dive 5 years ago. But I kept myself going for those close to me. I wish I had been selfish instead. I could've found SN or N years ago with ease. I could've bought SN off of fucking Amazon. Now I'm at the mercy of members here to share an SN source. I'm not a very sociable or talkative person, so I fear my pleas will go unheard. I've spent countless hours searching for a source only to end up nowhere. Just another aspect of life I am a failure in. I worry I'll have to resort to messier means. I'd like just a little bit of control in my life, even if it is at the end. I've watched those around me progress in their life- find love, start families, explore the world. And here I am. Forced to watch in envy. I'm so tired and I want this to stop.
It just isn't fair. But you already knew that.
It just isn't fair. But you already knew that.
