goodoldnoname923
Wanting to find peace
- Mar 28, 2024
- 834
I'm keep trying to tell people something js wrong with me and no one wants to fucking listen
Me: I would say my head is fucked but i mean,after all these years thats common fucking knowledge
Them: I was always to afraid to say anything bc I was scared you'd hurt yourself and it would be my fault but no. You are a grown ass adult that needs to stop acting like a fucking child. Get the fuck over it, get help and leave me the fuck alone. You were one of the people who FUCKED up my childhood. AND stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself. Get the fuck over it. I am not the same person I was years ago when you could manipulate me. I am not nice and I am not kind to people who will only ever sit there and feel sorry for themselves without trying to get help
Me:
Can I actually be honest with you for a minute,after my best friend left last year I actually did try going to therapy,heck a year or 2 prior to that i even tried taking a long and hard look at myself and for awhile I genuinely felt i had gotten better but i just started slipping back into all the bad fucking habits again.
I'm not saying any of this for sympathy or empathy because i don't fucking deserve shit regardless of the reason i've done anything i've done…i've hurt a fuck ton of people and i'm not proud of it…i'm not happy with it…i don't take fucking pleasure it
But for whatever reason no matter how many times people try telling me what i'm doing wrong or even me looking back shit and behaviours and trying to understand triggers or why they occur nothing seems to work
I'm being serious i don't like who tf i am,and i don't want to be like this but for whatever reason I can't seem to change or stop
Them: Ok I don't care
Me: I got betterhelp back at the end of last year…i know i neglected therapy for far too long. i'm a danger to myself and everyone around me and I can't keep myself away from people
Them: Good for you for trying but like I said I don't care, please find someone else to help bc I cant. You are an adult right? Lock yourself up then
Me: i need to fucking die,because this isn't going to stop i'm trying to tell you
Them: There it goes, The manipulation is starting again Find someone who cares
Me: I don't want fucking sympath I literally was looking into medically assisted suicide,i fucking know something is wrong with me
Them: Get help instead of looking for ways out. You just don't want to try
Me: I got therapy
Them: Again I don't care leave me alone stop texting me
Me: You think i don't want to try do you think i enjoy this shit? I've been looking back at old messages. I can't keep fucking hurting people
Them: What part of I DONT CARE, Don't you get
Me: do you want me to hurt more people? Look i'm not asking you to do the deed but surely someone must be willing to
Them: Don't you fucking put this on me you manipulative asshole, I don't care Leave me alone
Me: I wish i had succeed with that bag all of those fucking years ago i know I would've saved alot of fucking people,i have a handful of people say "oh you helped" but is that worth all the people i destoryed no. I've literally been asking everyone
Them: Boo hoo, Leave me alone
Me: I'm serious i've been trying to look on the darkweb for shit
Them: I DONT CAREEE
Me: Look if we had guns here like in walmart i'd be gone by now
Them: Ok Again idc
Me: Why do you want me to live? Genuinely? I don't get it
Them: I don't care
Me: Why can't you see i'm getting fucking worse
Them: BECAUSE I DONT CARE
Me: I'm not getting better I thought i was for awhile but i just got worse
Them: Find someone who does care bc I don't
Me: Yes but me getting worse is hurting other people
Me: I would say my head is fucked but i mean,after all these years thats common fucking knowledge
Them: I was always to afraid to say anything bc I was scared you'd hurt yourself and it would be my fault but no. You are a grown ass adult that needs to stop acting like a fucking child. Get the fuck over it, get help and leave me the fuck alone. You were one of the people who FUCKED up my childhood. AND stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself. Get the fuck over it. I am not the same person I was years ago when you could manipulate me. I am not nice and I am not kind to people who will only ever sit there and feel sorry for themselves without trying to get help
Me:
Can I actually be honest with you for a minute,after my best friend left last year I actually did try going to therapy,heck a year or 2 prior to that i even tried taking a long and hard look at myself and for awhile I genuinely felt i had gotten better but i just started slipping back into all the bad fucking habits again.
I'm not saying any of this for sympathy or empathy because i don't fucking deserve shit regardless of the reason i've done anything i've done…i've hurt a fuck ton of people and i'm not proud of it…i'm not happy with it…i don't take fucking pleasure it
But for whatever reason no matter how many times people try telling me what i'm doing wrong or even me looking back shit and behaviours and trying to understand triggers or why they occur nothing seems to work
I'm being serious i don't like who tf i am,and i don't want to be like this but for whatever reason I can't seem to change or stop
Them: Ok I don't care
Me: I got betterhelp back at the end of last year…i know i neglected therapy for far too long. i'm a danger to myself and everyone around me and I can't keep myself away from people
Them: Good for you for trying but like I said I don't care, please find someone else to help bc I cant. You are an adult right? Lock yourself up then
Me: i need to fucking die,because this isn't going to stop i'm trying to tell you
Them: There it goes, The manipulation is starting again Find someone who cares
Me: I don't want fucking sympath I literally was looking into medically assisted suicide,i fucking know something is wrong with me
Them: Get help instead of looking for ways out. You just don't want to try
Me: I got therapy
Them: Again I don't care leave me alone stop texting me
Me: You think i don't want to try do you think i enjoy this shit? I've been looking back at old messages. I can't keep fucking hurting people
Them: What part of I DONT CARE, Don't you get
Me: do you want me to hurt more people? Look i'm not asking you to do the deed but surely someone must be willing to
Them: Don't you fucking put this on me you manipulative asshole, I don't care Leave me alone
Me: I wish i had succeed with that bag all of those fucking years ago i know I would've saved alot of fucking people,i have a handful of people say "oh you helped" but is that worth all the people i destoryed no. I've literally been asking everyone
Them: Boo hoo, Leave me alone
Me: I'm serious i've been trying to look on the darkweb for shit
Them: I DONT CAREEE
Me: Look if we had guns here like in walmart i'd be gone by now
Them: Ok Again idc
Me: Why do you want me to live? Genuinely? I don't get it
Them: I don't care
Me: Why can't you see i'm getting fucking worse
Them: BECAUSE I DONT CARE
Me: I'm not getting better I thought i was for awhile but i just got worse
Them: Find someone who does care bc I don't
Me: Yes but me getting worse is hurting other people
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