This is not the life i wanted

[jussrav]

When I was young I had hopes dreams. Like most of my cousins etc they lived at home with parents got married and had a career kids stability. It was going OK till I was 30. I was thrown out of my house for making a remark. I have lived alone since. I have my own flat. I got long covid that went on for 20 months then I got long covid again still suffering now a tumour in my brain that won't kill me. Because of my bad decisions during covid I have to wake at 4am. I dont have a choice. I dont sleep wake up hourly. I am in severe stress , mental health teams have gas lighted me, friends family dont want to know. I wanted that life meet the man of dreams have kids. Instead I am suicidal who cannot face the day. I struggle to function, hate my life and have no joy in it. So what do I do? Do I just move in back with parents but watch them leading normal lives, be told off all the time or do I live alone with strangers doing my air b n b. These people I meet are nice but this is not how I wanted my life. I suffer daily. I cannot cope with my days. I wanted to die by nitroge

 

[prezmyl]

I can relate. Some main references from your story feels the same. It is fucking feature of this reality how some decisions and events are so fucking fatal and cannot be taken back and the dreams and images how your life was supposed to look like are just fading away and you are just stuck with the suffering with no clue how to cope with that. I hate how tough this reality can be for some people.

 

[Foreverix]

When I was a kid, I had the fortune of a good childhood. I remember being 8 or 9, playing outside, looking at the sunset, smelling the cut grass, and feeling secure. I knew that my parents had things figured out, food was in the fridge, and I didn't have to worry because I had my whole life ahead of me with plenty of time to figure things out. I'd go to school, play with my imaginary friend at home, and play Nintendo. I didn't worry about what other people thought about me, and I didn't worry about what life meant or if I was valuable. I took it all for granted, and now it's gone.

I don't know what you should or shouldn't do. But I commiserate and am with you. Sending a hug

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is such a cruel existence where people suffer all through no fault of their own, I find it horrible how there is no limit as to how unbearable existing can get. But anyway best wishes, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from it all.

 

[Tulip<3]

I can really relate, I was so ambitious and had a good career ahead of me, then chronic illness and later mental illness messed it all up. I'm also 30 and it's so hard seeing other people being successful and happy when that's all I wanted for myself.

It's really hard. I'm still going to fight for myself, but I really hope my life turns around. I hope yours does too, I'm sorry all this has happened

 

[jussrav]

I can relate. Some main references from your story feels the same. It is fucking feature of this reality how some decisions and events are so fucking fatal and cannot be taken back and the dreams and images how your life was supposed to look like are just fading away and you are just stuck with the suffering with no clue how to cope with that. I hate how tough this reality can be for some people.

Its over for me

 

[bluebus]

I understand how you feel. I had so much hope for the future. I thought my life was going to be great. And the thing is, I could have had such a good, fun, cool life, but now any chance of that is gone. I got a seriously life changing diagnosis, and now my life is gone. This is not at all how I expected my life to turn out. I never would have thought that my life would be over at 19. I'm also using nitrogen as my method. I just hope it's quick

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Sad thing is, it's probably only going to get worse in the near term. The economy is about to go into deep recession, maybe even a depession. The AirBnB bubble is believed to soon intiate a crash in the housing market. I hope I am gone before this blight happens all over again.

 

[jussrav]

I can relate. Some main references from your story feels the same. It is fucking feature of this reality how some decisions and events are so fucking fatal and cannot be taken back and the dreams and images how your life was supposed to look like are just fading away and you are just stuck with the suffering with no clue how to cope with that. I hate how tough this reality can be for some people.

I was a prison officer before covid was training to be a paramedic. I passed all my exams then got ill. This is not living at all. I am not even living 1 percent. I dont know how I am supposed to go on.

I understand how you feel. I had so much hope for the future. I thought my life was going to be great. And the thing is, I could have had such a good, fun, cool life, but now any chance of that is gone. I got a seriously life changing diagnosis, and now my life is gone. This is not at all how I expected my life to turn out. I never would have thought that my life would be over at 19. I'm also using nitrogen as my method. I just hope it's quick

I am sorry. Can you help me i dont know how to do the nitrogen

I can really relate, I was so ambitious and had a good career ahead of me, then chronic illness and later mental illness messed it all up. I'm also 30 and it's so hard seeing other people being successful and happy when that's all I wanted for myself.

It's really hard. I'm still going to fight for myself, but I really hope my life turns around. I hope yours does too, I'm sorry all this has happened

I am sorry for you too but I am struggling to turn it around.

 

[prezmyl]

Its over for me

I feel that pain behind those words, I really do.
I am sorry that this is possible. sometime I envy animals when they got fucked up they usually die, not always painlessly though. But still what it is generally seen as a cruelty of nature is a fucking blessing at the same time in compere to whole spectrum of unimaginable states people can get stuck in with little or non help available

 

[jussrav]

I feel that pain behind those words, I really do.
I am sorry that this is possible. sometime I envy animals when they got fucked up they usually die, not always painless though. But still what it is generally seen as a cruelty of nature is a fucking blessing at the same time in compere to whole spectrum of unimaginable states people can get stuck in with little or non help available

I've just spoken to my stupid housemate. I hate him so much. He has sleeping pills, everything but he still wants me to carry on suffering everyday. I hate people like that. Because there lives are fine and they are not being tortured they dont give a shit about others suffering. I said take your prayers and do it in your room. No prayers have helped me I suffer every second and I am being tortured. Funny I even just said to him that if an animal was suffering yoy would put them down then I just saw your quote with the animal suffering. These humans will watch someone suffer and suffer and happily watch. If they were suffering then it would be different wouldn't it. But no they are gone so its like screw you, you can carry on suffering.

I can relate. Some main references from your story feels the same. It is fucking feature of this reality how some decisions and events are so fucking fatal and cannot be taken back and the dreams and images how your life was supposed to look like are just fading away and you are just stuck with the suffering with no clue how to cope with that. I hate how tough this reality can be for some people.

This is me. I made one fatal error in covid and saw a friend. She had covid dudnt tell me Nd u got ill for 20 months. Tumour, everything. My lifes ruined she is ok living her best life.

When I was a kid, I had the fortune of a good childhood. I remember being 8 or 9, playing outside, looking at the sunset, smelling the cut grass, and feeling secure. I knew that my parents had things figured out, food was in the fridge, and I didn't have to worry because I had my whole life ahead of me with plenty of time to figure things out. I'd go to school, play with my imaginary friend at home, and play Nintendo. I didn't worry about what other people thought about me, and I didn't worry about what life meant or if I was valuable. I took it all for granted, and now it's gone.

I don't know what you should or shouldn't do. But I commiserate and am with you. Sending a hug

I am sorry about your situation. I know what I want to do and that is die. I can't stand suffering everyday. Its like being tortured

 

[prezmyl]

I was a prison officer before covid was training to be a paramedic. I passed all my exams then got ill. This is not living at all. I am not even living 1 percent. I dont know how I am supposed to go on

I just know the situation when some unusual thing suddenly fucks you up badly very badly and nobody really understands what that could actually do to you and how it is for you to live it like that

 

[jussrav]

I just know the situation when some unusual thing suddenly fucks you up badly very badly and nobody really understands what that could actually do to you and how it is for you to live

Everythings so fucked up. But people well normal people don't get it. They think everything is OK and say get help, rehab what helo I've tried everything like 20 different sleeping pills I am on a cocktail of 10 and sick of it. I want to bloody hang u can't live

I just know the situation when some unusual thing suddenly fucks you up badly very badly and nobody really understands what that could actually do to you and how it is for you to live it like that

Its hell i want to die its over eveeything

Everythings so fucked up. But people well normal people don't get it. They think everything is OK and say get help, rehab what helo I've tried everything like 20 different sleeping pills I am on a cocktail of 10 and sick of it. I want to bloody hang u can't live

Its hell i want to die its over eveeything

Its like you can read my mind I've fucked my life up badly

Everythings so fucked up. But people well normal people don't get it. They think everything is OK and say get help, rehab what helo I've tried everything like 20 different sleeping pills I am on a cocktail of 10 and sick of it. I want to bloody hang u can't live

Its hell i want to die its over eveeything

Its like you can read my mind I've fucked my life up badly

Everythings so fucked up. But people well normal people don't get it. They think everything is OK and say get help, rehab what helo I've tried everything like 20 different sleeping pills I am on a cocktail of 10 and sick of it. I want to bloody hang u can't live

Its hell i want to die its over eveeything

Its like you can read my mind I've fucked my life up badly

 

[prezmyl]

Its like you can read my mind I've fucked my life up badly

it is not reading a mind, people just get into similar emotional despair under heavy circumstances, especially if there is some overlapping context. In this case there even can be some solution or methods that can help you, but it is usually not easy to find out or get lucky and meet some docs. or therapists who has some most updated breakthrough knowledge, because most of the professionals just go with their everyday routine. At least that was my experience and I feel that I should have been just much more difficult towards them, even though I tried.

 

[jussrav]

it is not reading a mind, people just get into similar emotional despair under heavy circumstances, especially if there is some overlapping context. In this case there even can be some solution or methods that can help you, but it is usually not easy to find out or get lucky and meet some docs. or therapists who has some most updated breakthrough knowledge, because most of the professionals just go with their everyday routine. At least that was my experience and I feel that I should have been just much more difficult towards them, even though I tried.

Thats my experience not much help from them at all. Made to feel worse even traumatised by the system.

When I was a kid, I had the fortune of a good childhood. I remember being 8 or 9, playing outside, looking at the sunset, smelling the cut grass, and feeling secure. I knew that my parents had things figured out, food was in the fridge, and I didn't have to worry because I had my whole life ahead of me with plenty of time to figure things out. I'd go to school, play with my imaginary friend at home, and play Nintendo. I didn't worry about what other people thought about me, and I didn't worry about what life meant or if I was valuable. I took it all for granted, and now it's gone.

I don't know what you should or shouldn't do. But I commiserate and am with you. Sending a hug

Can I ask why did it go?. I made some stupid remarks on a whim thst got me kicked out of my house.

I understand how you feel. I had so much hope for the future. I thought my life was going to be great. And the thing is, I could have had such a good, fun, cool life, but now any chance of that is gone. I got a seriously life changing diagnosis, and now my life is gone. This is not at all how I expected my life to turn out. I never would have thought that my life would be over at 19. I'm also using nitrogen as my method. I just hope it's quick

Sorry to hear this i hope u can come out stronger

 

[prezmyl]

Thats my experience not much help from them at all. Made to feel worse even traumatised by the system.

that they can do very well way too often. Just get you diagnosed very quick and not very well then it is your fight, but in the broken state of mind and body you are in and if there is nobody who is willing to stand up for you in some more structure and regular way, you are just wandering the word blindly with your private suffering shit show hoping for a miracle that would stop it.

 

[jussrav]

that they can do very well way too often. Just get you diagnosed very quick and not very well then it is your fight, but in the broken state of mind and body you are in and if there is nobody who is willing to stand up for you in some more structure and regular way, you are just wandering the word blindly with your private suffering shit show hoping for a miracle that would stop it.

Absolutely thats where I am.

I can relate. Some main references from your story feels the same. It is fucking feature of this reality how some decisions and events are so fucking fatal and cannot be taken back and the dreams and images how your life was supposed to look like are just fading away and you are just stuck with the suffering with no clue how to cope with that. I hate how tough this reality can be for some people.

I am going through it as we speak.