This is my life, does anyone relate?

[Gardener59]

So this is my first thread though I've been on here a while. I've had thoughts on ctb for as long as I can remember. I'm 26, with a decent job and my own home, and now a boyfriend.

When I look at my life, I see that I am very blessed and successful, so why do these thoughts come at me no matter what? The homosexuality has a big role no doubt because also I identify as a Christian, having faith and surrendering my own will to Jesus Christ. For years I abstained from intimacy because of my faith. Now this man has found me and we love each other wholeheartedly and I do anything I can to please him, which ironically has not distanced me from my faith.

But through it all, thoughts of ctb still up their game. I never have made an attempt but I've started to make a plan to see through in Jan (don't want to ruin Christmas for my loved ones.)

I may go into the plan in another thread but sometimes it is hard to wait. On the other hand often times I think why do I want to do this at all. I know this was long but just my thoughts though the years.

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

I'm neither religious nor homosexual but if there is a God who designed everything in this world.... then God wouldn't have created homosexuality if God had any problem with it. When God doesn't have any problem with it, why are the humans trying to create problem?

Homosexuals are people and people deserve to be happy and proud about their harmless identity. I am sure you must have heard all this several times. Maybe you can do without this self-hatred / punishment. You've a good life going on as you mentioned that many can only dream of. What else going on? Or is the suicidal thinking spontaneous?

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

I'm neither religious nor homosexual but if there is a God who designed everything in this world.... then God wouldn't have created homosexuality if God had any problem with it. When God doesn't have any problem with it, why are the humans trying to create problem?

Homosexuals are people and people deserve to be happy and proud about their harmless identity. I am sure you must have heard all this several times. Maybe you can do without this self-hatred / punishment. You've a good life going on as you mentioned that many can only dream of. What else going on? Or is the suicidal thinking spontaneous?

This......just, this so much. I'm not religious (though I was born into a Roman Catholic family) nor homosexual. Feathers said it.

 

[Lotus1818]

I know it's cheesy but the whole money doesn't make you happier really is true. It only makes life easier for me. But I am still unhappy.

I can't really talk about the homosexuality. I'm bi myself. But I'm not religious. Having succes is nice but it stresses me out allot because people always want more and expect more from you in life. I have a fiance myself and I just wish she was enough to hold out in this earth. I wish I knew what I needed to stay alive. Some kind of goal. But everything feels so empty and useless all the time.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

I know it's cheesy but the whole money doesn't make you happier really is true. It only makes life easier for me. But I am still unhappy.

I can't really talk about the homosexuality. I'm bi myself. But I'm not religious. Having succes is nice but it stresses me out allot because people always want more and expect more from you in life. I have a fiance myself and I just wish she was enough to hold out in this earth. I wish I knew what I needed to stay alive. Some kind of goal. But everything feels so empty and useless all the time.

Off subject, but that avatar of my first ever pokemon, makes me want to pomf, lol.

On topic and in seriousness, you are correct about money not buying happiness, if it did, we wouldn't of lost many prolific names to the same causes we, ourselves, are discussing on nearly a daily basis on here.

 

[Gardener59]

I'm neither religious nor homosexual but if there is a God who designed everything in this world.... then God wouldn't have created homosexuality if God had any problem with it. When God doesn't have any problem with it, why are the humans trying to create problem?

Homosexuals are people and people deserve to be happy and proud about their harmless identity. I am sure you must have heard all this several times. Maybe you can do without this self-hatred / punishment. You've a good life going on as you mentioned that many can only dream of. What else going on? Or is the suicidal thinking spontaneous?

It is mostly spontaneous, feelings of worthlessness etc. I was talked down to so much growing up but I really need to let that shit go. I'm a man now

I know it's cheesy but the whole money doesn't make you happier really is true. It only makes life easier for me. But I am still unhappy.

I can't really talk about the homosexuality. I'm bi myself. But I'm not religious. Having succes is nice but it stresses me out allot because people always want more and expect more from you in life. I have a fiance myself and I just wish she was enough to hold out in this earth. I wish I knew what I needed to stay alive. Some kind of goal. But everything feels so empty and useless all the time.

I understand the emptiness and uselessness. It seems like there is no point sometimes expect to scurry around until we just fall over dead. And life demands so much out of me sometimes and I'm bad to try and please everyone.