stunnednaddled
Member
- Mar 9, 2020
- 29
Just took 4mg of kpin and I started drinking, feeling very good about this right now. I have all my goodbyes planned out as to not alert anybody and I have multiple suicide notes writted out to the most important people in my life. I have a necktie slipknot for the bottom of my neck and a towel for the top of my neck just to make sure this shit works and upon testing it seems pretty good. I only really have one shot to get this right because if somebody thinks it's sketchy that could raise some questions so I plan on practicing it one more time and once I have it perfectly in place I'll be sending out all the messages. I have a door jam in place just to buy some time in case somebody comes to try and save me but with 2 ligatures on 2 different spots on my neck, and I plan on hyperventilating first, this should hopefully be really quick. All I really need is 15 minutes and I'm hoping somebody will call me first before they call 911 and I can bullshit through that call. I feel very confident, I'm feelling really fucked up and very relaxed and even sober this shit feels easy to do. Gonna just listen to some music and close my eyes and I know that by the end of the song I should be gone and that's perfect. When timing it, I noticed a minute flashed by in no time and it was incredibly relaxing, despite the minor SI I still have to get over but closing my eyes definitely helps me move past that so I don't have to experience the visuals associated, just the incredible body high before the time comes. I was wondering since I still have a good hour or so if anybody can give me some extra advice to make sure it goes smooth as possible and I don't accidentally fuck it up because I'm not tryna get saved half way through and be fucked for the rest of my life. When my best friend did it the exact same way last year he was saved but he was lucky enough to be so far gone that they had to take him off life support so I figure if I get that far I'll be set. I'm totally ready to go. Also just for added comfort if anybody is ok with it, if you could PM me to just help calm my nerves and talk through some shit that would probably be very helpful. Lastly, any further advice and kind words would be greatly appreciated. I feel ready to go but with this shitty few months I could definitely use some support through all of this considering if I talked to anybody else about this it would probably freak them out. I still have a good 30 minutes till the kpin kicks in and I'm slowly drinking in order not to get too fucked up to the point where I can't even function and I just pass out again. I think my plan is pretty solid and I have full confidence but some extra words of encouragement would definitely be appreciated. Thanks for all the support I've gotten on the short time I've been on this forum, I truly appreciate it and I'm glad there's a safe place to talk about all this without scrutiny. Obligatory if I don't post in a month I'm definitely gone. I say a month in case I get saved and put in a psych ward for god knows how long but hopefully I can avoid that and worst case be in ICU and get popped from there. Here are also some photos of my ligature. They are very sturdy and I figured using 2 would just help make sure it works. The towel will be just above the adams apple and the tie will be just below. I have a box to stand on to put some slack to make tying easier then I plan on doing like a 6 inch drop to really kick start the process right after hyper ventilating. I tried without the drop and without hyperventilating and it still had me passing out insanely quickly. Again, any tips to make this work a litle bit better would be greatly appreciated. Thanks all for everything and just being so open and accepting and I hope you all find peace whatever way that ends up being for you.
