Venting this is a super meaningful&groundbreaking rant and definitely not just the same shit i complain about over and over again

[Sanva]

I am in an intolerable amount of pain now & meds that were my last hope have just made things worse. I've been waiting to die for 8 years now.

Met this guy & was going to go on a date but I feel so shit physically that I can't bring myself to. So I'll ruin this too, whatever, it's all pointless anyway, I'm worthless bla bla bla I've written all of this a hundred times over and over and over.

I'm not depressed because life is meaningless, I don't care if my life has meaning or if it's significant in any way. I just want to feel okay, actually I'd quite like to live if I were healthy. But since that's impossible, I just want to ctb. The question is if I'm finally going to get off my ass & go through with it or if I'm going to let myself rot here for at least five or six more decades.

 

[whatevs]

This is interesting, I also have health issues and feel like the ontological issues with existence are irrelevant as well. Like you, I would be quite happy again with my health regained, regardless of any nihilistic stance towards life (which I actually don't have).

 

[TooConscious]

Not even having a sense of health to hope to strive towards is up there with the cruellest things to be. I know more than most. One thing I'd like to do is speak to some who were born blind deaf dumb with physical disability also mental defect to see how /if they cope with resentment.
Because to me it's a full time job to keep at bay.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, I know that life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. It can be awful having health problems as they can torture us, life is so cruel and unfair. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[GentleJerk]

That feeling when you want so bad to do things but physically can't bring yourself to do them, is just awful. When It takes so much strength just to cope with each day, and deal with the pain, when there is barely anything left over just to do the small things we want... It's one of the hardest things to live with.

I can definitely relate to being happy and wanting to live if health was not falling apart. Thinking everyday about how long I'm going to suffer before I can bring myself to ctb was certainly not what I planned to do with my life, and it's not even remotely fun!