6 months ago, whenever I thought about the state of the US government I always kept a "you're just crazy, he's not gonna get away with it, congress will have to step in at SOME point" mentality hidden in the back of my head. At this point it is gone and I am facing the reality of the situation with nothing left to fall back on.
The annual ICE budget is now $39 billion. For reference, the Canadian annual military spending is $42 billion and the Jewish IDF annual spending is $32 billion. They are funding this at the scale of entire countries' militaries. This is going to end up very, very bad.
Last time Donald Trump lost an election, the media ecosystem backed by him and those who funded his campaign led a group of people to storm the Capitol. During Trump 1 he had horrible and depraved people working in important positions in the executive branch, but those people at least took interest in the stability of our nation. Trump has no care in the world and he has now appointed a group of moronic, unqualified yes-men to work under him.
Full gas, no brakes. Donald Trump has no more voices of reason in his circle, they have been replaced with voices of chaos and extremism. The 2026 election is going to be very bad with $39 billion of annual ICE funding and a president who is being advised by zero reasonable people empowering to act on his very worst impulses. His advisors and staff are likely pushing for permission to do things that are more extreme than Trump himself would want if he was actually the one writing any of this fucking policy.
I have never wanted to kill myself more. I am an American born, mixed, second-generation immigrant. I'm well-assimilated, an American citizen and actually mostly estranged from my non white ethnicity, culture and religion. But all these people slurping down the racist social media rhetoric that immigrants are dangerous and ruining America will see my brown skin, curly hair and ethnic last name and have no discernment. They clap and cheer out of disinformed hope now while undocumented migrants are abused and dragged away, and they will clap and cheer all the same when they escalate further to violating American citizens that are in some form or another considered undesirable in their worldview. Trump himself warns "the day of reckoning and retribution is coming."
Besides the racial part, I am poor, bisexual, openly have beliefs that are being demonized by the administration as "dangerous woke ideology," and have documented mental illness. I am the ideal target, someone who is part of multiple categories of people that are used to blame the world's problems on by this Christian nationalist ideology.
I will die with dignity. I will die having lived a mostly dignified life. I will have no part in these violent and brutal times that we are now entering. I will not be living in fear and uncertainty and I will not sit here and continue living a life where my baseline state is one of terror. I have multiple fake percocets that I have tested and confirmed contain fentanyl. I'm afraid to go and I hate to leave my family grieving in my absence, but I'm terrified and trapped by economic circumstance. The country that we come out of 2026 with will be completely unrecognizable from the one we entered into it with in the worst way possible. I don't know when to take the pills, but every day I push it back I simultaneously watch the tsunami approach closer and closer. I would rather die peacefully than drown in it.
The Christian Taliban now runs the American government with a flamboyant and proud disrespect for the paradigms of the past that—while evil and harmful to Americans and the world as a whole—at least allowed for national stability. What a time to be alive.
The annual ICE budget is now $39 billion. For reference, the Canadian annual military spending is $42 billion and the Jewish IDF annual spending is $32 billion. They are funding this at the scale of entire countries' militaries. This is going to end up very, very bad.
Last time Donald Trump lost an election, the media ecosystem backed by him and those who funded his campaign led a group of people to storm the Capitol. During Trump 1 he had horrible and depraved people working in important positions in the executive branch, but those people at least took interest in the stability of our nation. Trump has no care in the world and he has now appointed a group of moronic, unqualified yes-men to work under him.
Full gas, no brakes. Donald Trump has no more voices of reason in his circle, they have been replaced with voices of chaos and extremism. The 2026 election is going to be very bad with $39 billion of annual ICE funding and a president who is being advised by zero reasonable people empowering to act on his very worst impulses. His advisors and staff are likely pushing for permission to do things that are more extreme than Trump himself would want if he was actually the one writing any of this fucking policy.
I have never wanted to kill myself more. I am an American born, mixed, second-generation immigrant. I'm well-assimilated, an American citizen and actually mostly estranged from my non white ethnicity, culture and religion. But all these people slurping down the racist social media rhetoric that immigrants are dangerous and ruining America will see my brown skin, curly hair and ethnic last name and have no discernment. They clap and cheer out of disinformed hope now while undocumented migrants are abused and dragged away, and they will clap and cheer all the same when they escalate further to violating American citizens that are in some form or another considered undesirable in their worldview. Trump himself warns "the day of reckoning and retribution is coming."
Besides the racial part, I am poor, bisexual, openly have beliefs that are being demonized by the administration as "dangerous woke ideology," and have documented mental illness. I am the ideal target, someone who is part of multiple categories of people that are used to blame the world's problems on by this Christian nationalist ideology.
I will die with dignity. I will die having lived a mostly dignified life. I will have no part in these violent and brutal times that we are now entering. I will not be living in fear and uncertainty and I will not sit here and continue living a life where my baseline state is one of terror. I have multiple fake percocets that I have tested and confirmed contain fentanyl. I'm afraid to go and I hate to leave my family grieving in my absence, but I'm terrified and trapped by economic circumstance. The country that we come out of 2026 with will be completely unrecognizable from the one we entered into it with in the worst way possible. I don't know when to take the pills, but every day I push it back I simultaneously watch the tsunami approach closer and closer. I would rather die peacefully than drown in it.
The Christian Taliban now runs the American government with a flamboyant and proud disrespect for the paradigms of the past that—while evil and harmful to Americans and the world as a whole—at least allowed for national stability. What a time to be alive.
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