Venting This forum makes me feel sane.

[Shaqxbb]

Preface- I don't mean that makes me feel like others on this forum are INsane.

Discovering this forum has made me to feel sane in that it is comforting to see others who share similar thoughts and desires. 2019 has been a rough year for me. At the onset of the year I had everything - I don't mean to boast - but I'm a good looking, charismatic 28 year old guy with a pretty successful career thus far and was in a great financial position, had an awesome brand new vehicle, great girlfriend of 3 years, and great friends.

Then everything changed. I got into some legal trouble which is currently affecting my career and may ultimately cost me it in the next few months. The legal trouble is also VERY financially damaging to me at the moment. That was all fine - and I was dealing with it just fine - because I had the love of my life with me by my side.

Then, someone extraneous to our relationship decided to stir the pot between us and caused our demise. I hadn't had career issues before this day; the legal troubles have me currently unable to drive though. My S/O was bringing me to/from work every day (we work together, I got her the job) so the job was unaffected. No relationship, no ride to work which is 45 miles from home. I then had to leave my town where all of my friends and family reside to come live near work, alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay living by myself, but I feel isolated from every bit of what my life was just six months ago. Life was trending so positively - I had just asked her parents if I could marry her, and theyd said yes. Ultimately, losing her has been the worst on me. We talked here and there for a few months, but now she flat refuses to talk to me after we've spent so many years together (and prior to that our longest relationships were a few months here and there). I can't even get excited for the holidays in any way now, or anything really. The only time I'm ever not depressed and thinking about when I'm going to CTB is if I'm doing something that keeps my brain very busy such as video games or playing darts at a bar with my (new) friends in this new city.

I'm just kind of ranting now. But it feels good to be able to share these thoughts and feelings, and get information not otherwise readily available to decide how to CTB in a peaceful or expedient manner with significantly lessened risk of failure. So many of you have been through so much more than I have, and I'm humbled by that - kind of makes me feel like a pussy because I couldn't handle half of what some of you have.
Much love to you all.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You spend large portions of your life building everything up. Then it all comes crashing down on you like a house of cards. You rebuild, only to repeat the process. You're only ever one mistake away from losing it all.

I'm sorry that you've been going through this. I've been put into the similar downward spiral myself recently. All you can really do is try to stop the bleeding and try to pick yourself back up again. It does however get harder each time to do so.

I wish you luck in whatever endeavors you decide to undertake.

 

[Shaqxbb]

You spend large portions of your life building everything up. Then it all comes crashing down on you like a house of cards. You rebuild, only to repeat the process. You're only ever one mistake away from losing it all.

I'm sorry that you've been going through this. I've been put into the similar downward spiral myself recently. All you can really do is try to stop the bleeding and try to pick yourself back up again. It does however get harder each time to do so.

I wish you luck in whatever endeavors you decide to undertake.

Wow, I hadn't really looked at it with the house of cards viewpoint, but that's so true. One little thing (the legal thing, in and of itself, wouldn't have been a big issue) has led to so many more things that are undoing basically everything I've worked for over the past decade, and the course of the next few decades is significantly altered now. So yeah, thanks for the kind words - probably going to wait until after the holidays so I don't cast a shadow over my family for Christmas. Idk. Might do it between thanksgiving and Christmas. Just have to make sure I can get everything set up to have my affairs taken care of properly post-ctb.

 

[exhausted]

Just in case you need to hear it: You have just as much right to be here as anybody else and in a way, given that everything was going so well, it may have been even more of a shock to you than the average person if something bad happened, if that makes sense. Also, everything you said is genuinely traumatic and stressful.

I feel the same, this is the first place where I feel validated. I am not crazy, I am hurting.

 

[Shaqxbb]

Just in case you need to hear it: You have just as much right to be here as anybody else and in a way, given that everything was going so well, it may have been even more of a shock to you than the average person if something bad happened, if that makes sense. Also, everything you said is genuinely traumatic and stressful.

I feel the same, this is the first place where I feel validated. I am not crazy, I am hurting.

thank you for that. I do feel like I am crazy at times because objectively, from an outsiders perspective, I still have things pretty good - but Its not what I worked for and what I should have.

 

[Simba]

Preface- I don't mean that makes me feel like others on this forum are INsane.

Discovering this forum has made me to feel sane in that it is comforting to see others who share similar thoughts and desires.

I feel the same way. I really like the forum cause people here understand me n don't try to invalidate my thoughts or feelings ,theres no censorship either in regards to talking about taboo subjects either which is really good !