N
notAfather
suited for
- Jul 5, 2022
- 17
I'm tired. I'm tired of living under the shadows of the people that robbed me of my childhood. I'm tired of living with a straight face because I know better than to show people how I feel. I'm tired of hating myself for every word that comes out of my mouth. I'm tired of having my happiness taken away from me. And I hate that it can be. I'm not a person anymore. I'm an expended resource. I gave all the love that I could have given, and have none left for myself. I can't live with myself but I'm terrified to die. I'm a coward. My last suicide attempt failed and it cost me everything. I am embarrassed and ashamed. There are no words for how infinitely empty I feel. I am guilty of so many terrible things and I can't be with myself, by myself. I wish my son was here. And I wish his mom still loved me. I'm so alone and so angry. Every sacrifice I've made has been in vain. I've been stagnating for 2 months and I can't do anything, but I keep going to sleep instead of going to sleep. And every time I wake up, I hate myself for it.