thinking abt ctbing in 10 hours

[atlanticus0_0]

the only thing im afraid of is eternal suffering.

 

[Liebestod]

What are the voices telling you?

 

[atlanticus0_0]

that ill suffer eternally in the afterlife unless i die before a certain unknown date

 

[Liebestod]

that ill suffer eternally in the afterlife unless i die before a certain unknown date

Have you considered seeing someone about it before you ctb?

 

[gunmetalblue11]

Did they give you a reason as to why you'd suffer in the afterlife if you don't pass before then?

 

[atlanticus0_0]

Have you considered seeing someone about it before you ctb?

i did the doctor said its psychosis but i think its real

Did they give you a reason as to why you'd suffer in the afterlife if you don't pass before then?

apparently i tortured people in my past life so they want revenge on me. i have a supernatural bf from my past life who can protect me but hes killing himself slowly becuz he thinks im amused by his death. so i need to hurry to his side to clarify the misunderstanding. i hate the miscommunication trope hahaha breaks down into tears

 

[BradGuy123]

I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. Sending you positive thoughts and a virtual hug.

 

[atlanticus0_0]

I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. Sending you positive thoughts and a virtual hug.

thank uuu <<3

 

[gunmetalblue11]

i did the doctor said its psychosis but i think its real

May I ask, did the doctor try to prescribe you medication?

i have a supernatural bf from my past life who can protect me but hes killing himself slowly becuz he thinks im amused by his death. so i need to hurry to his side to clarify the misunderstanding.

When did you realise you had a past life?
I might have misunderstood, your boyfriend, he has already passed, but is still ending his life? And what is the side you would join after death? Is it his voice you hear?

 

[atlanticus0_0]

May I ask, did the doctor try to prescribe you medication?

When did you realise you had a past life?
I might have misunderstood, your boyfriend, he has already passed, but is still ending his life? And what is the side you would join after death? Is it his voice you hear?

im getting shots of pallaparidone.
basically ever since i was five i wud see these extremely vivid hallucinations of people getting tortured. imagine a tv right in front of ur eyes, thats literally what i saw, which is why i think i might be screwed. i also heard faint voices and i didnt think anything of any of it for some reason until they started talking abt eternal suffering.
the supernatural bf is like a god of some sort. the afterlife is just well the afterlife.

 

[taker_of_insulin]

im getting shots of pallaparidone.
basically ever since i was five i wud see these extremely vivid hallucinations of people getting tortured. imagine a tv right in front of ur eyes, thats literally what i saw, which is why i think i might be screwed. i also heard faint voices and i didnt think anything of any of it for some reason until they started talking abt eternal suffering.
the supernatural bf is like a god of some sort. the afterlife is just well the afterlife.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking asking? Feel free to not respond.

 

[atlanticus0_0]

How old are you if you don't mind me asking asking? Feel free to not respond.

im 19

 

[gunmetalblue11]

im getting shots of pallaparidone.

How are you finding that medication, helpful? Not at all? Unnecessary?

which is why i think i might be screwed

Why? Because you saw hallucinations so young? Or because you still have hallucinations. In this case auditory.

i also heard faint voices and i didnt think anything of any of it for some reason until they started talking abt eternal suffering.

When did the voices switch and begin talking about this eternal suffering?
It sounds like they really are really negative and putting you through pain and distress, I'm sorry about this.

the supernatural bf is like a god of some sort. the afterlife is just well the afterlife.

And so is your boyfriend a comfort figure, generally?

 

[atlanticus0_0]

How are you finding that medication, helpful? Not at all? Unnecessary?

Why? Because you saw hallucinations so young? Or because you still have hallucinations. In this case auditory.

When did the voices switch and begin talking about this eternal suffering?
It sounds like they really are really negative and putting you through pain and distress, I'm sorry about this.

And so is your boyfriend a comfort figure, generally?

it makes me calmer and more cautious which imo is a bad thing since i wudve ctbed sooner if it werent for that.
the hallucinations were glowy, solid, and i cud turn it on and off, and it covered my field of vision, and it was crystal clear. there cant be a scientific explanation for that.
this year, they started talking abt eternal suffering.
im completely terrified of him tbh, hes basically an eldritch abomination from my pov haha.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

it makes me calmer and more cautious which imo is a bad thing since i wudve ctbed sooner if it werent for that.

You want to ctb because of the voices?
Have you talked to your doctor about the fact your medication isn't making you feel better. Or does that scare you maybe, or do the voices also have an opinion on that?

the hallucinations were glowy, solid, and i cud turn it on and off, and it covered my field of vision, and it was crystal clear. there cant be a scientific explanation for that

Yes I can imagine it is very hard to explain something so abstract but you are already doing a good job trying

this year, they started talking abt eternal suffering.
im completely terrified of him tbh, hes basically an eldritch abomination from my pov haha.

I'm sorry, that does sound scary. I'd be scared too. It must be making you suffer daily hearing his voice, do you feel as if he can watch or is watching over you too?
Did anything in particular happen around the time the voices began taking about eternal suffering? Something in your life IRL changed or shifted maybe, or maybe nothing at all.

 

[atlanticus0_0]

You want to ctb because of the voices?
Have you talked to your doctor about the fact your medication isn't making you feel better. Or does that scare you maybe, or do the voices also have an opinion on that?

Yes I can imagine it is very hard to explain something so abstract but you are already doing a good job trying

I'm sorry, that does sound scary. I'd be scared too. It must be making you suffer daily hearing his voice, do you feel as if he can watch or is watching over you too?
Did anything in particular happen around the time the voices began taking about eternal suffering? Something in your life IRL changed or shifted maybe, or maybe nothing at all.

yes, i havent, i dont see the point.

its not abstract. its literally glowy, solid, covers my field of vision, crystal-clear images of people getting tortured, and i can turn it on and off with my mind. like literallyyyyyyyyyy which is why i think im cooked.

i dont think hes watching me. nothing rly happened. do u think im screwed if i kill myself today?

 

[gunmetalblue11]

do u think im screwed if i kill myself today?

Well what do you mean by screwed?

I cannot tell you what to do, or what is right or wrong. Nobody can, including those voices despite what they may have convinced you.
Life despite everything is fragile, if you do proceed to chose ctb everything may end quickly, or slowly. When the lights shut off it's game over you can't go back on your decision. You seem to be genuinely living in discomfort so I understand why you feel like this could be your final option.
But so I think you should try and talk to your doctor honestly, I feel like you can't make a clear and conscious decision in the headspace the voices have dragged you into. Even if you think it might be pointless.

 

[atlanticus0_0]

Well what do you mean by screwed?

I cannot tell you what to do, or what is right or wrong. Nobody can, including those voices despite what they may have convinced you.
Life despite everything is fragile, if you do proceed to chose ctb everything may end quickly, or slowly. When the lights shut off it's game over you can't go back on your decision. You seem to be genuinely living in discomfort so I understand why you feel like this could be your final option.
But so I think you should try and talk to your doctor honestly, I feel like you can't make a clear and conscious decision in the headspace the voices have dragged you into. Even if you think it might be pointless.

ok, thank uuu i think i will proceed im just scared of eternal suffering and im suffering so much.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

ok, thank uuu i think i will proceed im just scared of eternal suffering and im suffering so much.

You are welcome. I truly am sorry you feel like this is your only option at this point. Whatever you do I wish you peace.
But keep some consideration somewhere about reaching out If you change your mind.

 

[HangMan123]

Are you religious?
If so, what religion?
( I have a reason for asking … not being a zealot or anything )

 

[atlanticus0_0]

Are you religious?
If so, what religion?
( I have a reason for asking … not being a zealot or anything )

im not religious

 

[HangMan123]

im not religious

Me neither. I wish you well.
I agree with gunmetalblue11 in that you should keep the possibility of reaching out open, but I won't dissuade you