thinking abt admitting myself into a psych hospital because i don't feel safe at home lol

[monetpompo]

hi guys!!!!!!

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i really really want to run away from home but that would make me homeless + i would probably get mugged and die. i don't have a car to live in so i pretty much gave up on that. it's either homelessness or ctb if i want to leave home, because i don't have anyone to rely on for a place to stay and i can't afford an apartment. i only have a couple hundred dollars in my account. sometimes my mom gets really angry at me and tells me that if i don't like living in the house then i should move out (i'm financially reliant on her and going to uni will put me into severe debt), so i think she just says that to mock me.

i'm thinking about admitting myself into a mental hospital for a few days. maybe a few months if i can. i might just beg them to keep me there. i just want to be away from home and i don't really have anywhere else to go because i don't have friends that'll let me stay over at their place on nights i want to kill myself. death feels like the only way i can be independent from my parents anymore. tonight i think i'm going to research psych hospitals in my area. i've been feeling really lonely lately so i think that i'm spiraling. i just want to be away from home for as long as i can so that i don't feel sad and worthless anymore. when i was in the er psych ward, even though all i really did was sleep and read books in my room because i wasn't admitted into the proper psych ward yet, i honestly felt really good even though i was super sedated and scared of people living in the rooms next to me. i only felt depressed when i had to go back home because my parents didn't even care enough to pick me up.

i want to go somewhere that feels safe. i don't want to feel so alone anymore. i like being able to be somewhere that no one knows me and i don't want my parents to visit me, because i got really upset when i had to see my mother last time. i got up and asked one of the nurses if she could please leave the room because i don't want to see her. hospital feels like my only option besides a homeless shelter. maybe i just have stockholm syndrome bc i literally hate being in them when i'm in them but when i leave all i want to do is go back because i hate my parents and i love prescription medication. i hope that someone can relate to how i feel.

 

[Nightfoot]

I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain. If you think you may be a threat to yourself a hospital stay might not be a bad idea. I hope you feel better.

 

[ma0]

Shit, I can't imagine actually wanting something like that. I really hope things look up for you soon, take care.

 

[monetpompo]

Shit, I can't imagine actually wanting something like that.

my parents want to throw me out so i feel pretty worthless about everything. i keep on getting in fights with them and it's wearing on me a lot. having somewhere else to stay is calming

 

[dollangel]

yeah, i get it.. my experience with psych wards has been traumatizing but there are times where i just think that absolutely anywhere is better than here and i'd do anything to be absolutely anywhere else. at least in the psych ward it's clean and safe.. enough

 

[Pluto]

 

[monetpompo]

sooo true

 

[wait.what]

Well, if you can find a good psyche unit, they'll be able to give you information about resources in your area, and hold family meetings where the goal is to help you feel safe before you go home. Sometimes you can find reviews of programs written by people who've actually been in them. I wouldn't freak out over one or two one-star reviews so long as the average is good—like over 3 at least.