That was the problem initially - everyone told me "sit down and wait until it passes". That was seventeen years ago. I dropped out of high school over this. I never started life. And as these problems worsen, I worsen as a person. I have been in social quarantine for the most part for over half of my life. I never tried to find a sustainable career because the intricate system of certifications and regulations is fine-grained to weed out people seeking a second chance. And because my license is revoked. And because I am geared towards knowledge work of the kind it is impossible for me to get into.
I am tired of being constantly confronted with the high cost of entry into society. I am tired of being confronted with society as a power alien to me. I am tired of society. Not individuals in society, but society as a whole. I am tired of the assumption of recidivism of a particular type of crime. I am tired of the law, in all its majestic equality.
The solution to my particular problems is the radical reconstitution of society - massive sustained development of public transportation; the banning of background checks, whether credit or crime-based, for non-sensitive positions; structured and malleable reintegration services, essentially round-the-clock free teletherapy - but this is not a possibility at this moment until well after the collapse of the current order. I don't have time to wait. Especially given the precarity of my NEET situation in the current depression- my mother works in insurance. That industry is about to go tits up. She would be objectively better prepared to weather it without my problems.
The only alternative now is for me to pray for total social collapse, and then to just... walk away and find an intentional community. If I survive intact and well till then.
"You shouldn't have driven drunk, then!"
You shouldn't have produced a soul-destroying system of infinite complexity to reinforce class privilege, which produces mental illness and does nothing to actively improve it. You shouldn't have preyed upon people's fear to produce a penal system that punishes the guilty long after their sentence has been served. Dick.
"You just have a psychiatric disorder."
I have a capitalism disorder.
"You want everything for free."
Yeah, kinda. At least the barest necessities you expect me to have to integrate and "rehabilitate". I would almost have preferred to have been given a short stint in prison back then, if I would have been taught a trade and placed with a job, to this garbage.
That being impossible, I want to burn. Death is the rational choice for me.
