Thinking about methods

[WhenTheSunHits95]

Note is written, care for my cat is being arranged, now I have to figure out the how

Method 1: VSED

The idea of VSED is very appealing to me for a few reasons, some may seem strange, selfish, deluded, I dont know. I think the main point of intrigue for me is it'd be easy to pass off as illness or relapse and not suicide. A lot of my friends know I have history of restrictive eating disorders and just not eating much in general, so it wouldn't be too alarming to them if I start putting off lunch plans. Additionally, it'd give me time to do my IRL final goodbyes and I think my mom would be less hurt if she were under the impression that i came down with an illness or something. Idk. Still figuring that out. I also think a sick part of me would enjoy the slow dull pain of it. Plus, wouldn't shit myself after dying so less cleanup for the poor soul who has to find me.

Method 2: SN

Obvious reasons. Painless and peaceful.

Method 3: Self-Immolation

A strange part of me wants my death to be powerful and impactful because my life never was. Only things stopping me from this method are of course the pain and length of the ordeal, and the traumatization of others. As self-immolation as an act of protest is inherently public. If I do chose this method, I'd want to educate people on caring about matters that ultimately lead to my death. Homelessness and poverty, CSA, bullying, the over-sexualization of young women and girls, etc.


Methods such as hanging and firearms are completely out of the question for me. Too much cleanup. Same goes for drowning, big no from me personally haha


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[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

i wish you well and i hope you end up at peace with whatever choice you make. <3

 

[bluebus]

Definitely would stay away from #3. No one deserves to go that way. #1 maybe be difficult but it's possible. And of course SN is pretty well tested. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. I hope you can find a method that works for you and that you can be at peace finally. All the best, bb

 

[Anna.]

I hope you find peace with whatever choice you make :)

 

[lebrodude]

Method 3 is just insanity.

Don't do this to yourself.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'd never do #3 unless I were so desperate that no other means were available. Number 1 just doesn't appeal to me at all, either. And #2 is complicated by the fact that other medicinal support is necessary in order for it to provide the greatest chance of success. Personally, I don't understand the "cleanup" concern with hanging that you mention. I do wish you success in whatever method you choose, though, and hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[jellie]

good luck in whatever path you decide.

i would recommend SN as it seems to be reliable and relatively painless when compared to VSED and immolation. i think there is beauty in a peaceful passing and immolation is most definitely not peaceful. ultimately up to you but i hope you rest well and find peace.

 

[WhenTheSunHits95]

I'd never do #3 unless I were so desperate that no other means were available. Number 1 just doesn't appeal to me at all, either. And #2 is complicated by the fact that other medicinal support is necessary in order for it to provide the greatest chance of success. Personally, I don't understand the "cleanup" concern with hanging that you mention. I do wish you success in whatever method you choose, though, and hope you find the peace you deserve.

I suppose my thoughts when it comes to cleanup of a hanging is moreso with how traumatizing it must be to find/cut down someone hanging, body fluids dripping everywhere, etc. Additionally with the way the face bloats, I wouldn't want someone to see me like that. Same reason I wouldn't go for drowning. Ultimately if my loved ones choose burial for me i'd like an open casket to be an option. I don't really wanna be cremated for cultural reasons so keeping my body and face intact is crucial. #3 is kind of if i just have a breaking point with how people treat myself and others and i decide i want my death to be a big fuck you. i don't see myself going for that though considering many before have self-immolated as an act of protest and literally nothing changed

 

[WhenTheSunHits95]

^** finding anyone regardless of the means is traumatizing, even if its "clean" but yeah

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

I've tried VSED before. It wasn't difficult. It probably would have worked if it weren't for other circumstances in my life at the time that no longer exist. By day 3 it was getting pretty challenging to climb stairs. That night I almost fainted. I was probably a day or two away. I was disrupted unfortunately and when I tried to repeat it I made it to a week with no food but somehow didn't even become weak. I still can't wrap my mind around it. But I couldn't sleep at all either and my skin became extremely sensitive which is ultimately what ended that second attempt. I lost a lot of weight in the process too. My pants were just falling off of me. I would try it again if all else failed.

SN and exit bags are at the top of my list right now but it's just getting ahold of them.

And if those don't work I do live near the sea. I'm against it because I don't want to end up in the newspaper but it is a last resort.
I guess my drowning is your immolation lol.

I'd never do #3 unless I were so desperate that no other means were available. Number 1 just doesn't appeal to me at all, either. And #2 is complicated by the fact that other medicinal support is necessary in order for it to provide the greatest chance of success. Personally, I don't understand the "cleanup" concern with hanging that you mention. I do wish you success in whatever method you choose, though, and hope you find the peace you deserve.

When I was a child one of my cousin hanged a dog by it's leash and had me watch. It was messy. The frothing at the mouth and the defecation.
If I was going to use that method I'd empty my system and cover my face. Some methods are more disturbing to come across than others. I understand the desire to be courteous to whoever has to find your body.