Help Thinking about CTB but part of me is scared

[Ghostofthedeep]

Ive been dealing with depression for a while now and its just gotten worse and worse throughout the years. ive tried everything, telling my loved ones, therapy, and anti depressants. ive told them that it worked because im scared ill be locked up and ill just be forced to live inside this empty shell of a body. Ive always been around people who seem to love me, but i still never feel loved. i got a girlfriend a few years back who apparently had been cheating on me for years. my friends are all out of state due to college so ive been pretty much alone for the past 2 years. i dont feel needed/wanted any more and have been thinking about CTB for a bit. but im finally at my breaking point, what should i do?

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn't always, and I get that. It doesn't feel like it's going to get better for me. But we're here for you, whatever you choose. I'd say if you're scared or have hope in something, don't do anything yet.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be dreadful being trapped in that situation, I get that it's so awful when existing here just continues to get worse but anyway best wishes, after all only you can decide what you should do.

 

[kilowatt]

It's a real tough decision to make. If you have doubts I suggest not acting upon your thoughts yet, but in the end you should be free to choose what to do with your life and your body. I'm sure this place can offer a lot of help, there's a recovery section aswell, so do whatever you think is the best for now. Sorry you have to be in such situation.

 

[Mrpickles]

It's your life and your choice of course. However, if you have any doubt or fear of CTB, it would be a big mistake to act on it. This is a good place to speak your mind and not be bombarded by toxic positivity. We know life isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Take care

 

[alterationitfinds]

being scared is completely natural, suicide is a decision that you make without knowing what's 'on the other side'
most real world decisions are scary and being scared is fine.
the choice always will be yours, think about it for a while and if you keep coming back around to wanting to catch the bus then that's how it is. If it doesn't get better, i hope you find comfort in the fact that you have some control over your suffering.
i wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
good luck

 

[Ghostofthedeep]

It must be dreadful being trapped in that situation, I get that it's so awful when existing here just continues to get worse but anyway best wishes, after all only you can decide what you should do.

i see you're very active on this forum. do you have any advice? have you dealt with this before?

 

[FuneralCry]

i see you're very active on this forum. do you have any advice? have you dealt with this before?

In my case I've never properly attempted to ctb as sadly all the methods were either risky or inaccessible for me. What would scare me is a suicide attempt failing just leading to more suffering, sadly at least to me there is no straightforward way to just be free from this existence.

 

[NotMyName]

I can feel your Situation. In my opinions, If you are scared or not sure about it, dont do it. You should really know that thats the only way for you If you choose it. And since you are not confident in it, you should consider all your Options and choose the one best suited for you with confidence

 

[avaruus]

Like others have said, if you have doubts, it's not your time yet.

it's good to give life a chance or couple, you can always CTB later.
But you can only die once, and regretting it at the last moments... not a good way to go.

Just my opinion, the ultimate choice is yours of course.

 

[IWishToDie]

Ive been dealing with depression for a while now and its just gotten worse and worse throughout the years. ive tried everything, telling my loved ones, therapy, and anti depressants. ive told them that it worked because im scared ill be locked up and ill just be forced to live inside this empty shell of a body. Ive always been around people who seem to love me, but i still never feel loved. i got a girlfriend a few years back who apparently had been cheating on me for years. my friends are all out of state due to college so ive been pretty much alone for the past 2 years. i dont feel needed/wanted any more and have been thinking about CTB for a bit. but im finally at my breaking point, what should i do?

That sucks man. I feel you. Have any financial problems or physical ailments too or no? I'd say focus on your body and get a job outside of an office. That's my best advice for young men. Candle meditation helps too. My girlfriend left and it still hurts so I really do understand. Friends suck when you get older because everyone moves on, you just have to move on for yourself best you can. How old are you like early 20s? Anyway, if you try all that for some time and you just can't make it work, I respect if you want to CTB. Best of luck.