Venting Think this week may be it

[WorthlessTrash]

I make a whole bunch of useless threads venting about the same shit over and over, and who knows? This could turn out to be another thread that ages badly, but oh well.

I think after careful consideration, im leaning towards this week being the week i ctb. I say this a lot, and maybe i'll chicken out, but there isn't a way for me to have a good quality of life.

I'm suppose to go on a trip in a few weeks, but im just not looking forward to it. At first, i was kinda looking forward to it, but that was just the "honeymoon phase". Now, there isn't much of a point. Even if i went on this trip, i'd still ctb. This trip wont be life changing for me. The problem that brought me here will not and cannot get solved by anything, let alone this trip.

I find it extremely difficult to remain on this site, nowadays. The general chat has a mix of us "doomers" and recoverees. I dont like being in the same chat as people trying to recover. It does not inspire me, it makes me feel 10x more worthless and hopeless. Add to that, some are of the assigned sex i wish i was.

Im way too envious that cis woman have the assigned sex and got to develop properly in life. I will always be envious and feel hopeless. I cannot change that and i see no reason nor net gain from trying to cope.

I hope i go through with it this week, but idk what to do and there's nothing in my future worth sticking around for.

 

[day]

I feel you girl.. whatever happens I hope you find happiness and the suffering ends. Dysphoria is fucking hell. If you'd like to chat sometime about it feel free to PM.

 

[Zegers]

In next life there'll have nothing to envy

 

[jj#blm]

That's terrible man. I also wish I was born a girl and can relate to what you're saying, but I'm not affected the same way and am depressed for a different reason. Women have their own issues and I understand why they would be suicidal.

 

[cicadafriend]

Keep us posted. If you decide you'd rather wait until after your trip that is completely ok too! Also dysphoria is a bitch, I know what that's like. Strong of you to have to deal with that for so long

 

[blurred_morals]

Literally on a road trip rn (originally planned to ctb while in a hotel room on this trip, but chickened out last minute) and I totally get the "honey moon" phase thing. It really sucks to be excited and then suddenly have a sense of just…emptiness about it all.

What helped me out was to go on the trip and just say "fuck it! I'm on this stupid trip (I don't even know WHY I wanted this trip anymore) so I might as well do some stuff". Go and enjoy your trip instead of staying inside and going on this forum. Go for a walk and get some good food idk. Do some cool shit before you die.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Literally on a road trip rn (originally planned to ctb while in a hotel room on this trip, but chickened out last minute) and I totally get the "honey moon" phase thing. It really sucks to be excited and then suddenly have a sense of just…emptiness about it all.

What helped me out was to go on the trip and just say "fuck it! I'm on this stupid trip (I don't even know WHY I wanted this trip anymore) so I might as well do some stuff". Go and enjoy your trip instead of staying inside and going on this forum. Go for a walk and get some good food idk. Do some cool shit before you die.

If i go outside, and even on this trip, ill see women and that is huge trigger for me. I honestly would rather CTB and get it over with, as opposed to delaying the inevitable :/

I do fear that i may not ctb any time soon, but I am hoping I am able to.

 

[blurred_morals]

I didn't realize that that was a source of a potential trigger. I'm sorry if that was insensitive.

Lots of us on this site seem to have a similar problem of fear. This fear we get went we try to ctb and simply can not do it. I literally had the perfect opportunity to ctb and I didn't follow through all the way. I am happy that I failed though. I still haven't solved a single problem of mine and still think about ctb, but I want to get better.

I'm going to sound super rude and I'm sure you've heard this too much, but if you have a problem going outside that is only going to create a cycle of depression. Humans weren't built to be inside on computers all day. Since seeing other women is a trigger for you I would suggest any activity outside that you feel confident won't have anyone (or at least any women) around.

I know I'm preaching, but please consider this as an option. It's definitely helped me get out of my head even if temporarily.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I didn't realize that that was a source of a potential trigger. I'm sorry if that was insensitive.

Lots of us on this site seem to have a similar problem of fear. This fear we get went we try to ctb and simply can not do it. I literally had the perfect opportunity to ctb and I didn't follow through all the way. I am happy that I failed though. I still haven't solved a single problem of mine and still think about ctb, but I want to get better.

I'm going to sound super rude and I'm sure you've heard this too much, but if you have a problem going outside that is only going to create a cycle of depression. Humans weren't built to be inside on computers all day. Since seeing other women is a trigger for you I would suggest any activity outside that you feel confident won't have anyone (or at least any women) around.

I know I'm preaching, but please consider this as an option. It's definitely helped me get out of my head even if temporarily.

Honestly, there's no point in delaying my CTB. I dont see what i stand to gain from lasting a little longer, tbh.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans, it's really understandable wishing to be free from this dreadful existence, there certainly is too much suffering in existing.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I wish you the best with your plans, it's really understandable wishing to be free from this dreadful existence, there certainly is too much suffering in existing.

I certainly hope i can do it.