think i have bpd

[princexhhn]

been wondering for a long while that maybe i have bpd. feel anxious to tell my psychiatrist for fear that i may not even have it and it would just look like im insisting ive got it. ive leafed through online sources but they just tell me the basics and all, couldnt really determine from that.

would like to hear experiences/info from those who actually have bpd, if thats alright. just wanna find out whats wrong with me.

 

[In-between]

been wondering for a long while that maybe i have bpd. feel anxious to tell my psychiatrist for fear that i may not even have it and it would just look like im insisting ive got it. ive leafed through online sources but they just tell me the basics and all, couldnt really determine from that.

would like to hear experiences/info from those who actually have bpd, if thats alright. just wanna find out whats wrong with me.

Hi. Just to check, do you mean borderline/emotionally unstable PD, or bipolar? I've had both diagnoses before but now neither due to a mix of moving countries, having a full assessment rather than opinion-based judgement, and advocating to get my records updated. If you mean the PD, it's a contentious area, with frequent mixup with complex PTSD. I'm happy to chat if it helps.

 

[princexhhn]

Hi. Just to check, do you mean borderline/emotionally unstable PD, or bipolar? I've had both diagnoses before but now neither due to a mix of moving countries, having a full assessment rather than opinion-based judgement, and advocating to get my records updated. If you mean the PD, it's a contentious area, with frequent mixup with complex PTSD. I'm happy to chat if it helps.

i mean borderline personality disorder^-^

 

[livinginsorrow]

hi prince :)
i'm not diagnosed officially by a psychiatrist, but have done all things necessary to get a "we're pretty certain you do have it" by other healthcare professionals (i cant afford a psych). but i first started really thinking i had it recently after years of speculation. i took some online tests and all came back with "strong likelihood". for me, i struggle constantly with feelings of emptiness. i know i have emotions buried deep but i can't FEEL them. i have no sense of self. 90% of what i do is based on others opinions and suggestions, and i'm a chameleon with the people around me. i personally struggle the most with romantic relationships - i have an extreme obsession where if they won't text me for 20 mins i'll start overthinking all the things that went wrong, why they're ignoring me and will eventually have a full on break down where i'm crying and feel like i'm dying (unfortunately one of the only times i feel things is very strongly anger or sadness). a lot of other people i know struggle with friendships and family too but i find romantic relationships to be the most damaging mentally. to me, that person is everything. i get set off really easily by super insignificant things. and when i do, sadly i can become kinda verbally abusive. it's like i have no control over my anger. i'm really trying to work on it but it ruined my longterm relationship. we were together 1.5 years (i know it's not the long but it was my longest) and it took me 3 years to get over. i've never been in a long relationship since. i'm sure there's more and i'd be happy to share more if you have any questions and i'm so sorry this is all over the place!! but i hope this is somewhat helpful and if you want to reach out ever or have any questions please don't hesitate!

 

[In-between]

Thanks. Usually people mean borderline PD but then I see 'BPD' for bipolar too, so worth checking.

I need to log out soon so this is a quick reply to say personally, if you can't raise this type of question with a psychiatrist, then who can you? If they're worth their salt, they'll be happy to hear why you think your difficulties might fit bpd, and will then discuss and assess. For the record, MH professionals are often either overly keen to diagnose anyone (typically young women) in distress with a history of suicidality with bpd, or are reluctant to diagnose it due to stigma surrounding the diagnosis.

Personally, I advocated to get the bpd diagnosis as it made sense of so much, but then it became a barrier to help, I.e I was dismissed when in crisis. Complex PTSD is slightly different to BPD but has a lot of the same symptoms. This is worth reading up on, but I'd suggest you avoid any negative content (people talking about their bpd girlfriend etc).

The only advice that's ever helped me is a health professional who said 'only take a label if it's helpful to you.' The diagnosis helped me for a while, but it doesn't now. I'm classed as having 'traits' of BPD…it gets ever more complicated.

You deserve to be heard and to understand what is happening for you. I wish you comfort in whatever path you take. Ultimately, you know you best.

 

[princexhhn]

hi prince :)
i'm not diagnosed officially by a psychiatrist, but have done all things necessary to get a "we're pretty certain you do have it" by other healthcare professionals (i cant afford a psych). but i first started really thinking i had it recently after years of speculation. i took some online tests and all came back with "strong likelihood". for me, i struggle constantly with feelings of emptiness. i know i have emotions buried deep but i can't FEEL them. i have no sense of self. 90% of what i do is based on others opinions and suggestions, and i'm a chameleon with the people around me. i personally struggle the most with romantic relationships - i have an extreme obsession where if they won't text me for 20 mins i'll start overthinking all the things that went wrong, why they're ignoring me and will eventually have a full on break down where i'm crying and feel like i'm dying (unfortunately one of the only times i feel things is very strongly anger or sadness). a lot of other people i know struggle with friendships and family too but i find romantic relationships to be the most damaging mentally. to me, that person is everything. i get set off really easily by super insignificant things. and when i do, sadly i can become kinda verbally abusive. it's like i have no control over my anger. i'm really trying to work on it but it ruined my longterm relationship. we were together 1.5 years (i know it's not the long but it was my longest) and it took me 3 years to get over. i've never been in a long relationship since. i'm sure there's more and i'd be happy to share more if you have any questions and i'm so sorry this is all over the place!! but i hope this is somewhat helpful and if you want to reach out ever or have any questions please don't hesitate!

im sorry that happened, hope you are alright now! this was actually pretty helpful, thank you^-^ i feel the same honestly, i know the emotions are there but im just not feeling it. ive also been that way with my previous relationships too. even just a slightly late response, like not immediate as it is when two are in convo, would make me overthink already. i feel the same as you when it gets that long. anything and everything can set me off, im actually pretty known to be "short tempered". when i feel the anger or sadness its very strong and i end up also becoming verbally abusive most times. i try to work on it, but its taken its toll. the only people i ever am able to do those things to are people that i actually love and care about like a romantic partner. if it were someone else, someone i dont really care about, i can stay calm (decently) but when its them i cant control it.

 

[livinginsorrow]

s

hi prince :)
i'm not diagnosed officially by a psychiatrist, but have done all things necessary to get a "we're pretty certain you do have it" by other healthcare professionals (i cant afford a psych). but i first started really thinking i had it recently after years of speculation. i took some online tests and all came back with "strong likelihood". for me, i struggle constantly with feelings of emptiness. i know i have emotions buried deep but i can't FEEL them. i have no sense of self. 90% of what i do is based on others opinions and suggestions, and i'm a chameleon with the people around me. i personally struggle the most with romantic relationships - i have an extreme obsession where if they won't text me for 20 mins i'll start overthinking all the things that went wrong, why they're ignoring me and will eventually have a full on break down where i'm crying and feel like i'm dying (unfortunately one of the only times i feel things is very strongly anger or sadness). a lot of other people i know struggle with friendships and family too but i find romantic relationships to be the most damaging mentally. to me, that person is everything. i get set off really easily by super insignificant things. and when i do, sadly i can become kinda verbally abusive. it's like i have no control over my anger. i'm really trying to work on it but it ruined my longterm relationship. we were together 1.5 years (i know it's not the long but it was my longest) and it took me 3 years to get over. i've never been in a long relationship since. i'm sure there's more and i'd be happy to share more if you have any questions and i'm so sorry this is all over the place!! but i hope this is somewhat helpful and if you want to reach out ever or have any questions please don't hesitate

im sorry that happened, hope you are alright now! this was actually pretty helpful, thank you^-^ i feel the same honestly, i know the emotions are there but im just not feeling it. ive also been that way with my previous relationships too. even just a slightly late response, like not immediate as it is when two are in convo, would make me overthink already. i feel the same as you when it gets that long. anything and everything can set me off, im actually pretty known to be "short tempered". when i feel the anger or sadness its very strong and i end up also becoming verbally abusive most times. i try to work on it, but its taken its toll. the only people i ever am able to do those things to are people that i actually love and care about like a romantic partner. if it were someone else, someone i dont really care about, i can stay calm (decently) but when its them i cant control it.

this is super relatable! as sad as it is, my friends are someone i definitely care about, but the don't have a "strong hold" on my emotions i guess? i rarely have fights with friends or get triggered by them. it's usually either my mum or a romantic partner who with, i feel like i can't lose. i think a large part of the lashing out is usually due to not wanting to be abandoned. it's a weird paradox but i believe we do anything in our power to keep them, even though usually we're screaming for them to leave. after rationalising it in my head, i think it's me screaming for them to break up with me, or whatever the case may be, but in reality i just want them to hug me and tell me they're not going anywhere. it's like i'm begging for that reassurance but i'm obviously not asking for it in the right way. i'm not sure if this makes sense. but i've heard DBT can be helpful for these kind of reactions. i cant afford therapy at the moment because in aus the pricing of everything has gone up astronomically but i believe there is help for us out there. i'm not sure if you've tried the online bpd quizzes? i found peace knowing that there's an answer as to why i'm not "normal". i'm lucky enough to have a helpful and understanding GP, but i know they're not easy to come by. i'm not sure how medical professionals are where you live, but if possible could you research a doctor who is specifically interested in mental health? i hope you can find something to ease this struggle. always happy to chat : )

 

[princexhhn]

Thanks. Usually people mean borderline PD but then I see 'BPD' for bipolar too, so worth checking.

I need to log out soon so this is a quick reply to say personally, if you can't raise this type of question with a psychiatrist, then who can you? If they're worth their salt, they'll be happy to hear why you think your difficulties might fit bpd, and will then discuss and assess. For the record, MH professionals are often either overly keen to diagnose anyone (typically young women) in distress with a history of suicidality with bpd, or are reluctant to diagnose it due to stigma surrounding the diagnosis.

Personally, I advocated to get the bpd diagnosis as it made sense of so much, but then it became a barrier to help, I.e I was dismissed when in crisis. Complex PTSD is slightly different to BPD but has a lot of the same symptoms. This is worth reading up on, but I'd suggest you avoid any negative content (people talking about their bpd girlfriend etc).

The only advice that's ever helped me is a health professional who said 'only take a label if it's helpful to you.' The diagnosis helped me for a while, but it doesn't now. I'm classed as having 'traits' of BPD…it gets ever more complicated.

You deserve to be heard and to understand what is happening for you. I wish you comfort in whatever path you take. Ultimately, you know you best.

i pretty much dont have anyone else, i only have a psychiatrist:( and he seems to be more the latter (reluctant to diagnose), but im not sure.
i dont think id have PTSD, but will definitely look into it^-^
would like to get a diagnosis mostly also so that i would be able to get any medication for it (if there is any) and so that i can properly manage it.

thank you for this^-^

s


this is super relatable! as sad as it is, my friends are someone i definitely care about, but the don't have a "strong hold" on my emotions i guess? i rarely have fights with friends or get triggered by them. it's usually either my mum or a romantic partner who with, i feel like i can't lose. i think a large part of the lashing out is usually due to not wanting to be abandoned. it's a weird paradox but i believe we do anything in our power to keep them, even though usually we're screaming for them to leave. after rationalising it in my head, i think it's me screaming for them to break up with me, or whatever the case may be, but in reality i just want them to hug me and tell me they're not going anywhere. it's like i'm begging for that reassurance but i'm obviously not asking for it in the right way. i'm not sure if this makes sense. but i've heard DBT can be helpful for these kind of reactions. i cant afford therapy at the moment because in aus the pricing of everything has gone up astronomically but i believe there is help for us out there. i'm not sure if you've tried the online bpd quizzes? i found peace knowing that there's an answer as to why i'm not "normal". i'm lucky enough to have a helpful and understanding GP, but i know they're not easy to come by. i'm not sure how medical professionals are where you live, but if possible could you research a doctor who is specifically interested in mental health? i hope you can find something to ease this struggle. always happy to chat : )

i also relate to those^-^ my friends (as much as i care for and love them) wouldnt be able to get very strong reactions out of me most times. im pretty distant with my mother, i dont care for her much. romantic partner one rings true though. doing everything to keep them, but also always screaming and telling them to leave and wanting the opposite. sometimes its also retracting and acting like you dont care etc etc so theyd be the one who has to reach for you, who has to care. dont worry it makes perfect sense. i also dont know exactly how to describe it, but its also just begging for reassurance and such in the wrong way. have tried bpd quizzes about a year or two before, but i was in a worse mental state then and cant remember what i got. i also take caution with online quizzes, since last i heard they can be inaccurate or not right. like that popular mbti quiz. i do not have a GP, but i do have a psychiatrist. (most health problems i have are usually bad enough to send me straight to the emergency room anyway). will try talking to said psychiatrist on my next appointment, after gathering more info. thank you^-^

 

[Kattt]

Just happened across This.

 

[princexhhn]

Just happened across This.

ah of course. i am not self diagnosing, i am trying to understand it better because i suspect i may have it. will be talking this over with a professional^^

 

[In-between]

There isn't medication for BPD, but people can take medication for associated difficulties like depression and anxiety. Treatment is therapy, of which DBT is the gold-standard but very hard to access. I never had specialised therapy and these days I'm off medication, so it can get easier for some.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

been wondering for a long while that maybe i have bpd. feel anxious to tell my psychiatrist for fear that i may not even have it and it would just look like im insisting ive got it. ive leafed through online sources but they just tell me the basics and all, couldnt really determine from that.

would like to hear experiences/info from those who actually have bpd, if thats alright. just wanna find out whats wrong with me.

It is difficult to define the mental disorder one may have, especially when self-diagnosing. There are many mental disorders, and many of their symptoms are very similar to each other. Sometimes, we may believe we have a certain disorder, but in the end, it turns out we have another because their symptoms are similar.

Before I went to therapy, I thought I had BPD because I had unstable relationships, idealized my friendships, devalued those who hurt me, had very sudden mood swings, and that feeling of being abandoned. However, when I went to therapy, it turned out that I actually had ADHD because some BPD symptoms exist in ADHD, but in my case, I also have ADHD symptoms like inattention, difficulty focusing, disorganized thoughts, excessive talking, and impulsivity. Therefore, my diagnosis was more focused on ADHD than BPD.

And even so, I still have doubts if I have BPD. I've watched a lot of videos and articles about mental disorders, and I've started to wonder if I have both.

Similarly, my hyperfocus on learning about mental disorders has helped me understand people a bit, but I'm not an expert on the subject, and I'm sure I have a lot more to learn. So, it's great to be knowledgeable about mental illnesses, but it's advisable to have someone diagnose you to know what you truly suffer from, regardless of whether it's not what you expected.

 

[princexhhn]

It is difficult to define the mental disorder one may have, especially when self-diagnosing. There are many mental disorders, and many of their symptoms are very similar to each other. Sometimes, we may believe we have a certain disorder, but in the end, it turns out we have another because their symptoms are similar.

Before I went to therapy, I thought I had BPD because I had unstable relationships, idealized my friendships, devalued those who hurt me, had very sudden mood swings, and that feeling of being abandoned. However, when I went to therapy, it turned out that I actually had ADHD because some BPD symptoms exist in ADHD, but in my case, I also have ADHD symptoms like inattention, difficulty focusing, disorganized thoughts, excessive talking, and impulsivity. Therefore, my diagnosis was more focused on ADHD than BPD.

And even so, I still have doubts if I have BPD. I've watched a lot of videos and articles about mental disorders, and I've started to wonder if I have both.

Similarly, my hyperfocus on learning about mental disorders has helped me understand people a bit, but I'm not an expert on the subject, and I'm sure I have a lot more to learn. So, it's great to be knowledgeable about mental illnesses, but it's advisable to have someone diagnose you to know what you truly suffer from, regardless of whether it's not what you expected.

i appreciate your input^-^
i suspected BPD because of symptoms, but am aware and open minded that it may not be BPD but something else. i am in no way a medical professional, so i personally wouldnt self-diagnose. thats why i made this post in the first place, to better understand so i can talk it over with my psychiatrist. i think i was not clear in the original post since i had just woken up when i made it^^