Things go from bad to worse

[Dizzy_Dreams]

I came from a toxic dysfunctional family.

I'm toxic and dysfunctional.

the only person I've ever let in on what my family and childhood was like is my boyfriend.

he has told me he doesn't care anymore, has screamed at me.

I feel unable to take care of myself. Nothing in the world interests me. I'm a completely horrible person for so many reasons.

I see no other way then suicide but I'm terrified to actually do it. Nothing about living interests me. I'm paranoid and I'm a great deal of pain everyday.

I can't Belive I didn't think of suicide sooner. I really truly should have thought about it sooner.

to make it all worse my dad is now having surgery on his heart so if he passes away it would be horrible for me to do it right afterwards and if he survives it would be hard too because I know he would take me passing on worse than my mom.

I truly don't want to live. I'm exhausted all options. The only thing that stops me from killing my self is the fear of going to hell and being torchored... I desperately want to get N very badly... but It seems so hard

 

[bad luck]

Don't worry about hell. It does not exist according to the new Pope, and if it did exist it would be like the one in the movie, the devil's advocate.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Don't worry about hell. It does not exist according to the new Pope, and if it did exist it would be like the one in the movie, the devil's advocate.

Everything about this scene is pure perfection.

Everything about this scene is pure perfection.

I bet even God is a fan of Al Pacino

 

[nasblue]

I came from a toxic dysfunctional family.

I'm toxic and dysfunctional.

the only person I've ever let in on what my family and childhood was like is my boyfriend.

he has told me he doesn't care anymore, has screamed at me.

I feel unable to take care of myself. Nothing in the world interests me. I'm a completely horrible person for so many reasons.

I see no other way then suicide but I'm terrified to actually do it. Nothing about living interests me. I'm paranoid and I'm a great deal of pain everyday.

I can't Belive I didn't think of suicide sooner. I really truly should have thought about it sooner.

to make it all worse my dad is now having surgery on his heart so if he passes away it would be horrible for me to do it right afterwards and if he survives it would be hard too because I know he would take me passing on worse than my mom.

I truly don't want to live. I'm exhausted all options. The only thing that stops me from killing my self is the fear of going to hell and being torchored... I desperately want to get N very badly... but It seems so hard

I know this feeling of not being accepted/respected for your past trauma by an SO. It feels like the only person who could have helped you heal betrays you. I guess that's why I'm unable to form that sort of connection anymore because it has always ended with even worse trauma.

Your whole situation sounds very stressful with your family and bf, it seems like you have internalized their needs and expectations even though you recognize they don't respect yours. This also shows in your fear of hell.

That's just what I think but if you agree, I don't think you deserve to suffer like this, it's not your fault, you have just been told that to the point where you believe it.