Venting they're holding me back....

[pinkdarlingg]

I know some people will look at what I'm saying and say "Well, if you really wanted to die, then you wouldn't care." But I care. I care, and it holds me back sometimes. I am the oldest of five kids and have two brothers and sisters with whom I'm very close. I also have a wonderful best friend I've known since I was 13. I'm 20 now. I think about them all the time and how this will affect them. But I need peace. The thought of going another year, two, three like this is enough for me to be selfish and discard how they'll feel about me dying.

 

[theboy]

I understand you. Leaving behind the people we love for doing CTB is not easy

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What have you been struggling with that makes the future seem so terrible?

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that for many it can be hard to deal with, the thought of leaving others behind, but I understand desperately wanting peace. There doesn't seem to be any peace in this life. I could never endure existence only for the sake of others personally. I wish you relief from suffering.

 

[thebunny]

i know the thought of leaving people who's important to you and those who care a lot about you is a weight that's difficult to carry and bear. i, too, have tons of people that i'll be leaving behind but i stopped empathizing for them. i think the best option to go from here is to wish them well and that they'd never have to go through such suffering and pain. i hope you find the peace you deserve soon. wishing you well and sending you lots of hugs

 

[jodes2]

I care too. It makes the decision to go a hard one. My gf, mum, dad and brother will all suffer. So I suffer for them instead