Venting they make me want to ctb

[dra1ncoreslwt]

I feel very heartbroken every time I talk to my family members because I can see both sides of the story of their conflict and it hurts me so much because I love them and I want to help them, but they hurt me when I'm in the middle and a lot of the time I can't just "not be in the middle" because of legal and relationship reasons. It fucking hurts me so much and the things that they say that "they worry about me" hurt more because if they do then why do they hurt me so much? it feels like they always want me to be in their shoes and doesn't EVER think about how I may be feeling, and I can't communicate with them because the little times I've tried I've been harshly dismissed. It makes me want to hurt myself so badly so it'll hurt them, so they know the daily and unstoppable pain I go through, but not pettily, because I love them, but I can't bear living like this, the paranoia, anxiety, pain, restlessness, self harm, lack of hygiene, poor diet/avoiding eating, overthinking, and pain they make me go through, I really don't know how ese I can make them understand what I live, as I'm not exactly free to just "go live my own life" and I want to be better desperately but I can't allow myself to believe or have hope, it feels like my own body won't even have a register of what hope is, every. single. time. I "get better" something bad happens, so I can't, I can't and it hurts, I want to be happy but I can't, I just cant…

 

[vacuisme]

stay strong, u are not alone
i sincerely hope all the problems between em will calm down and that things will get better for u
I know its hard to talk to em, but I really think you should try again because hurting yourself like this is NOT the right solution believe me
isnt there someone that is enough patient and attentive that u could talk to him or her in more details?

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

stay strong, u are not alone
i sincerely hope all the problems between em will calm down and that things will get better for u
I know its hard to talk to em, but I really think you should try again because hurting yourself like this is NOT the right solution believe me
isnt there someone that is enough patient and attentive that u could talk to him or her in more details?

yeah I know, but not really, all these issues have been going on long term and progressively (5 years+) so I don't think things will ever really change, talking to them gets worse every time I try, and by talking I mean to fix things, to make my feelings acknowledged to them, to vent and all that I do have someone but it doesn't help..

 

[FuneralCry]

So many humans in this world really can be so incredibly cruel and insensitive, many of them won't even try to understand which is just the unfortunate reality. But anyway, best wishes, at least to me it sounds like it's not worth talking to people like that.