nails
wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 297
everything just sucks. i try to enjoy things, but i can't. it's all just so boring and i can't seem to find the point. my favorite games and comics don't interest me that much. i can't share the interest with anyone, so i just don't care. sure, i can sit alone, admiring the thing i enjoy for however long; but that doesn't really do anything.
getting a well-paying job has been such a blessing and a curse. i blow a shit ton of my money when i feel upset. i drop so much money on games, comics/manga/other books, figures, plushies, posters, and general merch just to feel any amount of joy. it doesn't do that much. i feel slightly euphoric during the initial purchase and when i'm putting these things on display, but i don't feel anything afterwards. i'm just annoyed that i have to buy at least 2 more bookshelves now. i can't even flex these items because no one cares and i have no one to talk to. i can't discuss my interests with others, i have no one. i don't want to search for people in these communities because it never works out, it's just a waste of time and energy.
i spend a lot of money donating as well, but not really for the sake of feeling better. the whole "doing good things for others will make you a happier person" idea is complete bullshit to me. i receive advice like that pretty often, but it's stupid to me and doesn't work. plus, only doing good things if it'll make you feel better is weird to me. just wanted to get that out of the way because i feel like people will mention it.
i'm not that worried about money anymore. i make sure i have enough for bills, then the rest goes towards whatever. there usually isn't that much left over, but i'll be getting a lot more hours in at work so my paycheck will double (maybe more)
. plus, i don't really buy food anymore because it's expensive and i'm having a hard time eating these days. that took like $70-$100 off my weekly expenses. on top of that, i was planning on buying a car, getting my own place, and re-enrolling in uni after getting my license in a few months, but i no longer plan on living that long, so i have no need to save anymore.
i was broke not that long ago, having breakdowns over the fact that i couldn't afford anything. i thought i would feel so much better in a situation like this, but i feel exactly the same.
as i type this, i'm browsing the playstation store and buying a bunch of games and dlcs
i can't wait to feel absolutely nothing after they install 
i hate this stupid cycle, i feel like a loser afterwards. it's the worst coping mechanism because the euphoria only lasts a couple moments. at least with drugs and self harm, you can stretch that happy feeling out. everything i do and say is so cringe, i want to disappear. i can't form a single coherent thought anymore.
sorry if any of this comes off as flexing. it's all just so lame. none of this means anything if i don't even feel anything from it and have no one to share it with. i feel like i'm such a waste of an existence. anyone else in my situation would be using this opportunity to move forward and do great things, but i'm wasting away and being worthless and waiting to die. abhhhhh
getting a well-paying job has been such a blessing and a curse. i blow a shit ton of my money when i feel upset. i drop so much money on games, comics/manga/other books, figures, plushies, posters, and general merch just to feel any amount of joy. it doesn't do that much. i feel slightly euphoric during the initial purchase and when i'm putting these things on display, but i don't feel anything afterwards. i'm just annoyed that i have to buy at least 2 more bookshelves now. i can't even flex these items because no one cares and i have no one to talk to. i can't discuss my interests with others, i have no one. i don't want to search for people in these communities because it never works out, it's just a waste of time and energy.
i spend a lot of money donating as well, but not really for the sake of feeling better. the whole "doing good things for others will make you a happier person" idea is complete bullshit to me. i receive advice like that pretty often, but it's stupid to me and doesn't work. plus, only doing good things if it'll make you feel better is weird to me. just wanted to get that out of the way because i feel like people will mention it.
i'm not that worried about money anymore. i make sure i have enough for bills, then the rest goes towards whatever. there usually isn't that much left over, but i'll be getting a lot more hours in at work so my paycheck will double (maybe more)
. plus, i don't really buy food anymore because it's expensive and i'm having a hard time eating these days. that took like $70-$100 off my weekly expenses. on top of that, i was planning on buying a car, getting my own place, and re-enrolling in uni after getting my license in a few months, but i no longer plan on living that long, so i have no need to save anymore.i was broke not that long ago, having breakdowns over the fact that i couldn't afford anything. i thought i would feel so much better in a situation like this, but i feel exactly the same.
as i type this, i'm browsing the playstation store and buying a bunch of games and dlcs
i can't wait to feel absolutely nothing after they install i hate this stupid cycle, i feel like a loser afterwards. it's the worst coping mechanism because the euphoria only lasts a couple moments. at least with drugs and self harm, you can stretch that happy feeling out. everything i do and say is so cringe, i want to disappear. i can't form a single coherent thought anymore.
sorry if any of this comes off as flexing. it's all just so lame. none of this means anything if i don't even feel anything from it and have no one to share it with. i feel like i'm such a waste of an existence. anyone else in my situation would be using this opportunity to move forward and do great things, but i'm wasting away and being worthless and waiting to die. abhhhhh
