there has never been anyone else

[okkkk]

I never could have been prepared to confront the reality that it is extremely rare for any "mental health" provider to actually be concerned with my specific issues. It took me naively exposing the lurid details of my pain and the other person not even pretending to be interested for me to understand that no one on this planet would actually be concerned with what ails me. I was that person that would sing the praises of telling people about your pain. Because that release is so cathartic and instant but it comes at a cost. No one on the planet is even slightly concerned with the inescapable torture that my small world has become but anyone would gladly take advantage of any weakness they see. At this point I understand why the average person is so disassociated with their own feelings. It literally brings you no benefit. Being emotionally literate is only a liability. The indifference from actual psychiatrists and therapists is what shocked me initially. Until I realized that its just a job. And I'm just a name on a list. Now when I think about all the time i spent in vain searching for any kind of relief It makes me angry at myself. How could I be so trusting? Why would I think that any stranger would actually want to "fix" me. Its only after the fact I realize how absurd that idea is. I have nothing and no one. And spilling my guts to the dead eyed hourly worker who cant remember my name is an exercise in futility. It really really burns. And yet that urge to spill it and get "help" is still there because im hurting. Yet i am constantly reminded of how useless that is. Im at a loss.

 

[almaranthine]

"Being emotionally literate is only a liability"

What a great sentence right there.

It goes both ways too, expressing positive feelings, like love, being just as dangerous and unproductive as positing disturbing, miserable emotions... Why is it like this? Why doesn't anyone fucking care unless they can get something out of you?

Life could be bearable if you could have an authentic exchange with another human being... I guess you can, potentially, if they love you, but then again, they probably only love you for what they're receiving from you. So, what's the point, right?

I also have nothing and no one, and even if I did have someone, sharing the fucked up feelings I possess would likely only result in damaging our relationship.

 

[BabyYoda]

What you said proves that removing the stigma of mental health requires more work than we thought. People always tell you to talk to someone when you're feeling down, but they aren't aware that not everyone has that privilege. Yes there are mental health professionals, but not everyone can afford it financially. It's just infuriating to see that people are wasting their time creating these dumb feel-good quotes and advertising their self-care quackery while not bothering to truly understand a person's suffering. If I ever hear someone lecturing me about what to do if I had mental illness, I would be skeptical. We're forced to suffer this agony because the majority considers suicide as a taboo.

 

[okkkk]

"Being emotionally literate is only a liability"

What a great sentence right there.

It goes both ways too, expressing positive feelings, like love, being just as dangerous and unproductive as positing disturbing, miserable emotions... Why is it like this? Why doesn't anyone fucking care unless they can get something out of you?

Life could be bearable if you could have an authentic exchange with another human being... I guess you can, potentially, if they love you, but then again, they probably only love you for what they're receiving from you. So, what's the point, right?

I also have nothing and no one, and even if I did have someone, sharing the fucked up feelings I possess would likely only result in damaging our relationship.

Authentic interactions are so hard to come by and its such a damn shame. Ive met so many people with completely manufactured personas. Or theyre one way in public but another way when youre alone with them. That genuine trust is so elusive. Theres no way of knowing if someone is potentially just storing all the sensitive information until they can use it against you in the future. People can be bullshit. Not everyone obviously. An ideal relationship with anyone is reciprocal. One where I can rest easy in letting the other know where my scars are and soothe them instead of taking the opportunity to peel the scabs off. And i would do the same for them. But anyone here can tell you this world is not ideal.

it fucking pisses me off that psychiatrists especially are so calloused and indifferent. Why is therapy and psychiatry two different appointments? Why are we still in the stone age when it comes to mental health? I am so burned by these people. Its such an isolating feeling. no one knows. no one cares. Its hell. I hate it here so much.

 

[almaranthine]

Authentic interactions are so hard to come by and its such a damn shame. Ive met so many people with completely manufactured personas. Or theyre one way in public but another way when youre alone with them. That genuine trust is so elusive. Theres no way of knowing if someone is potentially just storing all the sensitive information until they can use it against you in the future. People can be bullshit. Not everyone obviously. An ideal relationship with anyone is reciprocal. One where I can rest easy in letting the other know where my scars are and soothe them instead of taking the opportunity to peel the scabs off. And i would do the same for them. But anyone here can tell you this world is not ideal.

it fucking pisses me off that psychiatrists especially are so calloused and indifferent. Why is therapy and psychiatry two different appointments? Why are we still in the stone age when it comes to mental health? I am so burned by these people. Its such an isolating feeling. no one knows. no one cares. Its hell. I hate it here so much.

You know what so crazy? I can't tell you how many young people I met in college and even after I dropped out in various jobs that told me that their own struggles with mental health pushed them to become psych majors- they wanted to "help" people in similar conditions. How those same people become the shitty indifferent professionals we see in mental healthcare is a mystery to me, yet it doesn't surprise me.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Do you get your therapy services from community mental health or an organization that assigns your therapist?

 

[okkkk]

Do you get your therapy services from community mental health or an organization that assigns your therapist?

Ive only had access to free or sliding scale therapy. I assume the quality of treatment goes up along with the cash youre willing to burn.

 

[BabyYoda]

You know what so crazy? I can't tell you how many young people I met in college and even after I dropped out in various jobs that told me that their own struggles with mental health pushed them to become psych majors- they wanted to "help" people in similar conditions. How those same people become the shitty indifferent professionals we see in mental healthcare is a mystery to me, yet it doesn't surprise me.

I have a friend from college who wants to be a therapist. When I asked him to help me with my issue (the main one that led me here) he called me pathetic and stupid when I told him that I believed that I was somehow fated to never finding love. He then lashed out to me guilt tripping me and all that stuff and worst of all he threatened to leave me if I didn't recover. Well first of all the methods he used for me were the same recycled crap: be grateful for what you have, look forward to other stuff, let your other good traits (which I don't have) compensate for your looks, etc, etc. I actually didn't want help, I just wanted a friend to understand and listen. He made me feel that I shouldn't get help because people will throw me away if they get tired of me. I really expected so much from him because he's a psych student.

There's another psych friend that I have who is more gentle towards me. She's compassionate and she's actually going through a similar problem. I guess my other friend was different cause he had a best friend.

This event was so bad I even made a thread about it.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

Some very good words from people here.

If I start writing on this topic I won't stop as I have too much experience but to keep it brief...
Volunteer keyworkers tend to be the best.
And a brief example of the system were in, being sectioned several times myself, I sincerely recieved so much more help with my mental state from the cleaners than I did the doctors/therapists.