There are these moments

[throwaway123]

when I'm at home in my comfortable bed I feel at peace. In these moments I could drink N and just fall asleep. But I don't have N :( I have to go in a gruesome way. Amazing how little control I have over my life.

 

[nzdarkshark]

My bed is really cozy at the moment and I spend a lot of my time just lying in bed with my music.
I wish I could just pass out and fall asleep in those moments - and never wake up.

 

[windingdown]

when I'm at home in my comfortable bed I feel at peace. In these moments I could drink N and just fall asleep. But I don't have N :( I have to go in a gruesome way. Amazing how little control I have over my life.

I wish I had my own house and a spare $600 around, so I could afford N and have it sent to an address where no one else could find it. I'd be feeling a lot better about things!

 

[nuclearsnake]

Being tucked up in a cosy bed and slowly falling asleep is the dream but alas it shall not be. Got to go the shitty way then. I dream of a future where people get to die peacefully when they really want to.

 

[windingdown]

Being tucked up in a cosy bed and slowly falling asleep is the dream but alas it shall not be. Got to go the shitty way then. I dream of a future where people get to die peacefully when they really want to.

Me, too. That's the dream.

 

[Hunter]

I'm sorry <3

 

[Miss clefable]

If I had N right now I would drink it

 

[weedoge]

Have you considered CO, inert gas or some other planned overdose, done correctly these methods are definitely not gruesome. I'd consider any way of ending your life mechanically gruesome, even from partial hanging all the way up to train jumping etc.

It's definitely about how desperate you are but I find it comforting to know that by waiting just a little more time I can obtain a method that might actually work for me. The way I see it is.. what's the point in pushing myself hard into the anxiety of a gruesome method if I'm already against it and might well just back out due to fear right at the end. I'd just go in circles if I never decided to think outside of those methods that fully know I'm unable to perform.

Good luck