Help therapy session today but i feel hopeless

[manic]

i see my therapist every week and these past few weeks my suicidality has gotten worse and she knows this. she worries about me a lot outside of sessions too and wants to to try ECT or Ketamine therapy as last resorts. you know how hopeless things get when she tells you that everyone does worry about me but they feel helpless and that she cant think of any new coping skills or thought process skills to give me. i dont know what to do or say today, i just dont feel like existing. i know i wont go to the hospital (i dont want to go either way) because i dont have a set plan and no one can force me to go because im an adult and not exactly going through the motions of a suicide plan. I just feel so bad for my therapist because she has tried to help me so much, i dont want to switch or anything. i dont know what to expect in todays session i just feel so off. i dont know what im supposed to do.

 

[Leiot]

Have they put you on a med? Sounds like that's the next step.

 

[manic]

Have they put you on a med? Sounds like that's the next step.

ive been taking meds for the past 5 years everyday, endless med combos.

 

[Leiot]

If you've tried all that, maybe ECT might help. My shrink said it probably wouldn't help me. My understanding is that it's not the traumatic stuff you see in the movies.

 

[manic]

If you've tried all that, maybe ECT might help. My shrink said it probably wouldn't help me. My understanding is that it's not the traumatic stuff you see in the movies.

i think i have a fear of it working "too well" and becoming completely stable which im not ready for

 

[cotton]

Are you normal but suicidal? Could you take no meds and just float by but have these thoughts occasionally... <\3

 

[manic]

Are you normal but suicidal? Could you take no meds and just float by but have these thoughts occasionally... <\3

no unfortunately not- i have bipolar 1 disorder so i have to take these medications

 

[cotton]

no unfortunately not- i have bipolar 1 disorder so i have to take these medications

Mainly for the thoughts?

 

[asthedayends00]

I've tried it all. 3 therapists, endless meds, ketamine.. etc. I haven't tried ect but I know it won't help. If you can tell me about your circumstance/issues I can inform you about ketamine.

 

[manic]

Mainly for the thoughts?

no the mood episodes that come with bipolar

I've tried it all. 3 therapists, endless meds, ketamine.. etc. I haven't tried ect but I know it won't help. If you can tell me about your circumstance/issues I can inform you about ketamine.

i basically have treatment resistant bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. i also get psychosis with my bipolar. i have been suicidal and in and out of hospitals and have a history with sh. i have my manic episodes under control but im still suicidal.

 

[cotton]

Is CTB just easier or is meds and stuff not enough?