Venting Therapy has somehow made me worse?

[Arlowantsushi]

I started therapy about a month ago.
I really like my therapist they're very cool and kind. But I've noticed that since starting therapy my MH has gotten worse.

I mean I always feel kind of shitty and suicidal, but since starting therapy I find its harder to ignore my feelings and thoughts.
Like i get that the whole point of getting help is to confront your feelings and blah blah blah but all that's done is make me want to commit even more.

I'm considering buying some SN and just saying fuck it. Do i tell my therapist this? Will they have to call 911 on me? IDK

I just want this cycle to end. Im so tired of this cycle of "doing okay and keeping my suicidal thoughts passive" to "i want to kill myself every second of every day.

I JUST WANT QUIET FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY 22 YEARS OF LIFE

I'm really starting to think that suicide is the only way i will get this peace

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

Have you told your therapist it's making you feel worse? That's a normal thing when you start therapy, but tell them about it!

Also, if you tell your therapist you're planning to kill yourself, they will report you. So be careful. Talking about suicidal ideation is one thing because it doesn't specifically mean you're planning to kill yourself. It's just the idea. If that makes sense. When I talk to my therapist about ideation, they don't report me because they know about my depression. If I told her "I'm planning to kill myself" then yes I would be reported.

Good luck!

 

[RainyDays]

Not every client and therapist are going to be compatible. Maybe it's time to get a new therapist.

Someone taught me, "People are good for moments not lifetimes." So, maybe your therapist has been in your life for the time that they have needed to be in your life for. Maybe it's time for a new therapist to be in your life.

Telling your therapist that you're considering buying SN because you want to end your life will make your therapist call 911 on you. A therapist has to call 911 if a client says that they want to end their life and/or have a plan to end their life.

 

[spero_meliora]

it absolutely can make you feel worse at first, but also not every therapist is a match for every person. you might need to find a different one, if you still want to try therapy. if so, maybe write down the ways that they're currently making you feel worse, and then compare that to other therapist blurbs/bios when you research them?

 

[dragonofenvy]

I know I might get some hate from people on this site for saying this, but I think, for now, give therapy at least another 2 months before you make a decision. You're right that you are confronting you emotions, and probably for the first time in a while deeply introspecting which is very uncomfortable. I would tell your therapist that it is making things worse for you and at least see what they say before you do anything drastic.

If you don't want to end up in a mental hospital, don't tell your therapist you're going to kill yourself. Tell them that you've thought about killing yourself, or that you want to die but don't have specific plans. Telling my therapist my plan was what got me institutionalized, but my next therapist after that one was OK with my ideations provided I didn't have specific plans. Even though you're new, you're one of the few people I've seen on the site that I do actually have hope for, and I'd like to see you at least try.

 

[DeathByBananabread]

As someone who's was in therapy on-and-off since childhood, yeah, it really didn't help.

But you should probably give it more of a chance than just a month, there's a reason so many people recommend it.

Your therapist could also just suck. It's a job description/professional practice that includes many people, & sometimes the people in it just suck.

There's also many different types of therapy, maybe you're in the wrong type.

But, still, all that aside, probably give it more of a chance than just a month.

 

[Arlowantsushi]

Have you told your therapist it's making you feel worse? That's a normal thing when you start therapy, but tell them about it!

Also, if you tell your therapist you're planning to kill yourself, they will report you. So be careful. Talking about suicidal ideation is one thing because it doesn't specifically mean you're planning to kill yourself. It's just the idea. If that makes sense. When I talk to my therapist about ideation, they don't report me because they know about my depression. If I told her "I'm planning to kill myself" then yes I would be reported.

Good luck!

I haven't told them cuz i don't want them to feel bad.
And youre right i wont say anything. i DO NOT want to be forced back in the hospital..

Not every client and therapist are going to be compatible. Maybe it's time to get a new therapist.

Someone taught me, "People are good for moments not lifetimes." So, maybe your therapist has been in your life for the time that they have needed to be in your life for. Maybe it's time for a new therapist to be in your life.

Telling your therapist that you're considering buying SN because you want to end your life will make your therapist call 911 on you. A therapist has to call 911 if a client says that they want to end their life and/or have a plan to end their life.

I've had other ones before and this is the first therapist I've been able to open up to so idk. I feel like I'm hopeless no matter what at this point.

 

[spero_meliora]

Your therapist could also just suck. It's a job description/professional practice that includes many people, & sometimes the people in it just suck.

exactly this. definitely think people forget that medical professionals are just regular ol' humans, and they can suck at a job just as much as the rest of people.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

I haven't told them cuz i don't want them to feel bad.
And youre right i wont say anything. i DO NOT want to be forced back in the hospital..

Don't worry about making them feel bad! It's their job. Therapists know that it brings up difficult emotions and will understand if you say so. You could say, "Since I started therapy, it's been making me feel xyz and I want to know how to deal with it" or something like that. I would give it a shot. (:

How often do you see your therapist?

 

[Arlowantsushi]

I know I might get some hate from people on this site for saying this, but I think, for now, give therapy at least another 2 months before you make a decision. You're right that you are confronting you emotions, and probably for the first time in a while deeply introspecting which is very uncomfortable. I would tell your therapist that it is making things worse for you and at least see what they say before you do anything drastic.

If you don't want to end up in a mental hospital, don't tell your therapist you're going to kill yourself. Tell them that you've thought about killing yourself, or that you want to die but don't have specific plans. Telling my therapist my plan was what got me institutionalized, but my next therapist after that one was OK with my ideations provided I didn't have specific plans. Even though you're new, you're one of the few people I've seen on the site that I do actually have hope for, and I'd like to see you at least try.

Thank you, this helped a bit.
Ive been doing therapy on and off since i was a kid and this is the first time ive really opened up to a therapist.
It just sucks that ive felt like this for so long and the thing that is meant to help is making it worse. it makes me feel so helpless.