ladidabi
Losing all hope is freedom.
- Mar 19, 2023
- 36
I have been doing the STEPPS/ STAIRWAYS (for my BPD) group therapy individually after refusing to join a group full of strangers to talk about my weaknesses. The process is according to my psychologist identical, except it's only sessions between me and her. The problem is, I have always been good at understanding my emotions and reflecting on situations. Unless I'm triggered into jumping off my tolerance window, I can think very much well. As a licensed healthcare worker, working in milieu therapy, I feel it's almost insulting having to go through the sessions at times, feeling like I am back to school, learning the same old same old theories.
I started the sessions back earlier this year while I was in a psychotic state, and was close to my CTB date, so I felt very euphoric. I don't remember much else of it besides that during those first months of 2024, I felt like I was drugged at all times, and the thought of ending my life sent me on a high which made me feel light, free, and careless about my surroundings.
Today I feel the sessions if just me reflecting on how much of a lonely loser I was growing up- to this day. I lack social skills that benefit me, which is ironic considering it's a breeze to plan, and deal with clients I work with in comparison. I don't see any benefit and we're close a year since I began this program. Any advice on how I should come about this? For people with similar experiences: How do you feel about it? Do you have any suggestions as to get better. I'm just tired of talking down on myself and describing my pathetic self and weaknesses just to reflect back to the same thing over and over again.
I started the sessions back earlier this year while I was in a psychotic state, and was close to my CTB date, so I felt very euphoric. I don't remember much else of it besides that during those first months of 2024, I felt like I was drugged at all times, and the thought of ending my life sent me on a high which made me feel light, free, and careless about my surroundings.
Today I feel the sessions if just me reflecting on how much of a lonely loser I was growing up- to this day. I lack social skills that benefit me, which is ironic considering it's a breeze to plan, and deal with clients I work with in comparison. I don't see any benefit and we're close a year since I began this program. Any advice on how I should come about this? For people with similar experiences: How do you feel about it? Do you have any suggestions as to get better. I'm just tired of talking down on myself and describing my pathetic self and weaknesses just to reflect back to the same thing over and over again.
