newlifeimmigration
Member
- Jul 17, 2024
- 6
Mostly just venting because I am really at the end of my line. If anyone has been in a similar situation or has some insight of something I'm missing I would really like advice. I'm sorry for whining.
Yesterday I had a session with my therapist where she basically spent the entire hour telling me about how she didn't know how to help me because I didn't communicate well enough or something. And that my phq-9 score had increased and it's basically maxed out now which obviously is a sign therapy isn't working even though that's a huge assumption and I never stated that I felt that way. I have trouble with shutting down and not being able to speak during therapy and I thought it would be different this time because I got a therapist that specializes in cptsd & DID but it's literally not everything is just the same. She kept pushing the idea that I should get a new therapist even though I had already told her there was nobody else in this niche taking clients. I would chalk this all up to her just being a shitty therapist but this has happened with literally every therapist I've seen. Like I've had to have this conversation 3 times now. I don't think I'm going to find "the right therapist" if I keep trying. I think I'm just fucked. They always ask the same questions too. Like "what made you come into therapy" "why do you keep coming in to sessions when you don't say anything" etc. It's like they're saying why are you even trying. Why haven't you given up yet. Why aren't you dead yet.
Last year I even tried to admit myself to the hospital and they literally told me it wasn't that bad and made me leave. But of course they still sent me a massive bill and everything. I used to have friends too but one of them did something to me that I literally can't make myself type out and when I tried to talk about it people told me they didn't want to hear about it and silently cut me out of everything. Nobody else knows that I exist and my family doesn't care about me either it's 1000 years of neglect over here. I tried to explain to my therapist that there's nothing left that is going to help me if therapy doesn't work but I don't think anything I said was understood. I almost wanted to blurt out that it she doesn't help me I'm going to buy a gun but I didn't want to get warded and also saying stuff like that goes against my morals. But it's really how I feel
My life is unbearable it literally hurts to think and I'm scared of like half of all normal things. I have to get high all the time to get through it but it makes me stupid and stops me from doing anything fulfilling with my life. I don't really want to die but I feel like I have to do it because all signs are pointing towards suicide as the only solution. I genuinely want help and I practically beg for it but nothing ever happens. I feel so stupid and insane that I keep trying when it never works. Like, this retard hasn't caught on yet to the fact that it's not going to get help. God is pointing and laughing. Idk. Can anyone hear me.lol?
Yesterday I had a session with my therapist where she basically spent the entire hour telling me about how she didn't know how to help me because I didn't communicate well enough or something. And that my phq-9 score had increased and it's basically maxed out now which obviously is a sign therapy isn't working even though that's a huge assumption and I never stated that I felt that way. I have trouble with shutting down and not being able to speak during therapy and I thought it would be different this time because I got a therapist that specializes in cptsd & DID but it's literally not everything is just the same. She kept pushing the idea that I should get a new therapist even though I had already told her there was nobody else in this niche taking clients. I would chalk this all up to her just being a shitty therapist but this has happened with literally every therapist I've seen. Like I've had to have this conversation 3 times now. I don't think I'm going to find "the right therapist" if I keep trying. I think I'm just fucked. They always ask the same questions too. Like "what made you come into therapy" "why do you keep coming in to sessions when you don't say anything" etc. It's like they're saying why are you even trying. Why haven't you given up yet. Why aren't you dead yet.
Last year I even tried to admit myself to the hospital and they literally told me it wasn't that bad and made me leave. But of course they still sent me a massive bill and everything. I used to have friends too but one of them did something to me that I literally can't make myself type out and when I tried to talk about it people told me they didn't want to hear about it and silently cut me out of everything. Nobody else knows that I exist and my family doesn't care about me either it's 1000 years of neglect over here. I tried to explain to my therapist that there's nothing left that is going to help me if therapy doesn't work but I don't think anything I said was understood. I almost wanted to blurt out that it she doesn't help me I'm going to buy a gun but I didn't want to get warded and also saying stuff like that goes against my morals. But it's really how I feel
My life is unbearable it literally hurts to think and I'm scared of like half of all normal things. I have to get high all the time to get through it but it makes me stupid and stops me from doing anything fulfilling with my life. I don't really want to die but I feel like I have to do it because all signs are pointing towards suicide as the only solution. I genuinely want help and I practically beg for it but nothing ever happens. I feel so stupid and insane that I keep trying when it never works. Like, this retard hasn't caught on yet to the fact that it's not going to get help. God is pointing and laughing. Idk. Can anyone hear me.lol?
