Story the will of life or how not to ctb

[Y78]

its happened few years ago
i was walking in a city
somehow in a way i dont know
i walk accidently into a city highway with line of cars rushing in atleast 50 mph/ 80 km
stood there with no way to move in one side cars and other side cement bar(block)
i could easly step 2 steps and boom gone in seconds
standing there tear betwen go- or - no go.
it took a minute but i slowly start walking aaginst the traffic
it was scary but finnaly somhow go out of there without harm.

till today dont know how go into or how got out.
i even regret for not ctb cause since then i failed ctb.

 

[thouisdead]

I don't really know how is my situation now, but I have been out this site (and alieanting myself) for a long time. I really don't know what to think of suicide now. I'm living in a country in which the president is using Coronavirus as a biological weapon and 3.000 die every day. I have a family and if I get this virus I may infect my family and will see them suffer. The health system has collapsed and I don't want to get in the place of someone that wants to live. Death is such a real thing now, not just mine, but everyone else's. I don't know what death means anymore. I just cant stand people dying from this desease anymore.

I'm very sorry It's not completely related to what you said, but I don't know how to see death and, therefore, suicide.