Venting The urge to stop talking to everyone

[feder]

Does anyone else have the desire to just disconnect themselves from all social contact because they feel like a burden in a way. Also because nobody from their social circle understands their SI(Suicide ideation). I've tried to talk about ctb a couple of times but pretty much no one can relate they either get really emotional and tell me to not even think about it or tell me they never thought about it ever. One person even stopped talking to me because i was causing them to "feel bad" when I was expressing my thoughts. Overall feels like even if I talk about it and they are sympathetic I'm burdening them with my own problems so I just want to stop talking to all of them. Anyone else feel like that?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I haven't told anyone directly that I want to CTB. It must be fairly obvious to some that I'm really unhappy though. But yes- I try to avoid people. I really don't want to have to make so much effort to come across as halfway normal so that they won't worry or suspect.

 

[AsleepPreference160]

I do want to do it but it may cause them to suspect some things. I don't think they would just let me be if they somehow found I was suicidal. So I have to just keep talking to people and have the thoughts I'm "supposed" to have towards life instead of showing them what I really feel about it. :/

 

[NoStanding]

Maybe it's because they don't understand. Sure they might be willing to listen, and it seems like some of them really care. The person that stopped talking to you is just a selfish person, don't worry about them.

I guess to truly express yourself, you could find likeminded people with similar struggles on here. Also about feeling like a burden, friends are there to listen. I'm sure people tell you about their problems a lot too.

I do understand myself. When I'm feeling like that I kinda just cut everyone off and don't reply to messages for a while. It doesn't help for me because then I just feel more isolated than I did before. I hope you find people you can talk to freely about it, even if it is just on this forum.

 

[feder]

I do want to do it but it may cause them to suspect some things. I don't think they would just let me be if they somehow found I was suicidal. So I have to just keep talking to people and have the thoughts I'm "supposed" to have towards life instead of showing them what I really feel about it. :/

Yea lying about how you actually feel towards life can be really exhausting but if you don't want ppl worrying about you its the best option. I really hate when people start worrying and talking me out of ctb. I mean its not their choice if I wanna do it ill do it regardless of what they say, I just wanted to be listened to, not scolded.

Maybe it's because they don't understand. Sure they might be willing to listen, and it seems like some of them really care. The person that stopped talking to you is just a selfish person, don't worry about them.

I guess to truly express yourself, you could find likeminded people with similar struggles on here. Also about feeling like a burden, friends are there to listen. I'm sure people tell you about their problems a lot too.

I do understand myself. When I'm feeling like that I kinda just cut everyone off and don't reply to messages for a while. It doesn't help for me because then I just feel more isolated than I did before. I hope you find people you can talk to freely about it, even if it is just on this forum.

Thank you for the kind words, this forum is really helpful indeed. I'm glad I decided to crate an account.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

Does anyone else have the desire to just disconnect themselves from all social contact because they feel like a burden in a way. Also because nobody from their social circle understands their SI(Suicide ideation). I've tried to talk about ctb a couple of times but pretty much no one can relate they either get really emotional and tell me to not even think about it or tell me they never thought about it ever. One person even stopped talking to me because i was causing them to "feel bad" when I was expressing my thoughts. Overall feels like even if I talk about it and they are sympathetic I'm burdening them with my own problems so I just want to stop talking to all of them. Anyone else feel like that?

I can't even begin to explain how much I understand this. I remember coming back from a failed ctb attempt- went to message an online friend I was very very very close to, & they knew about my SI prior to my attempt, & I told them I needed support, I needed help- & he immediately shut it down, telling me he wasn't comfortable talking about it. Mind you, he had shown me fresh cuts, about his SI, all of his issues, for years, & I did my best, I try very very fucking hard to give support even if I'm just really not doing great. When I asked, & he shut it down- it was that same feeling you get when something really hurts emotionally, like that deep chest pain. In that moment, I wished I had just suffered through the pain & died.

It's very hard to talk to people about SI or suicide in general. It's honestly quite frustrating. It's a taboo subject matter to almost everyone, & getting that support you may need is really hard. I tried speaking to my partner about it & he's had SI when he was younger, but now he says he doesn't ever really think about it. I can tell he gets uncomfortable if I talk about it, so I don't.

Even in therapy- you admit too much, & you're going to an in-patient facility. I had to lie, a lot, to a lot of mental health professionals, so I wasn't stuck in the facility. This is the only place where I've been able to speak about it, raw, no sugar coating or dancing around the subject, no fear of saying something wrong. We can just talk about it here, & it's relieving sometimes.

 

[feder]

I can't even begin to explain how much I understand this. I remember coming back from a failed ctb attempt- went to message an online friend I was very very very close to, & they knew about my SI prior to my attempt, & I told them I needed support, I needed help- & he immediately shut it down, telling me he wasn't comfortable talking about it. Mind you, he had shown me fresh cuts, about his SI, all of his issues, for years, & I did my best, I try very very fucking hard to give support even if I'm just really not doing great. When I asked, & he shut it down- it was that same feeling you get when something really hurts emotionally, like that deep chest pain. In that moment, I wished I had just suffered through the pain & died.

It's very hard to talk to people about SI or suicide in general. It's honestly quite frustrating. It's a taboo subject matter to almost everyone, & getting that support you may need is really hard. I tried speaking to my partner about it & he's had SI when he was younger, but now he says he doesn't ever really think about it. I can tell he gets uncomfortable if I talk about it, so I don't.

Even in therapy- you admit too much, & you're going to an in-patient facility. I had to lie, a lot, to a lot of mental health professionals, so I wasn't stuck in the facility. This is the only place where I've been able to speak about it, raw, no sugar coating or dancing around the subject, no fear of saying something wrong. We can just talk about it here, & it's relieving sometimes.

I'm really sorry this happened to you, its truly awful when you genuinely support and care for a person but when you need even a little bit of that same sympathy they just neglect you.

I can't imagine not being able to talk to my future partner about it. Even if they are mentally stable and never think of it they can still just listen.

Yea fuck therapy that's why ill never be honest with a therapist, they always act superior, thinking that they know what is best but most of them have never experienced any of your feelings. Its sad really, the system we live in .

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

I'm really sorry this happened to you, its truly awful when you genuinely support and care for a person but when you need even a little bit of that same sympathy they just neglect you.

Yeah it's really pretty frustrating, & now I feel I'm put out on the back burner in terms of our friendship. Only speaks to me very rarely, & considering how close we were, & just, everything- it hurts talking to him sometimes.

I can't imagine not being able to talk to my future partner about it. Even if they are mentally stable and never think of it they can still just listen.

See I understand why it makes him so uncomfortable, he's had a failed attempt that very few know about, so it's very touchy, almost traumatic for him- so I only speak about it if I'm having a rough day & feel like I may be a danger to myself, so that he's aware & I don't act in impulse. But that's as far as the subject goes.

Yea fuck therapy that's why ill never be honest with a therapist, they always act superior, thinking that they know what is best but most of them have never experienced any of your feelings. Its sad really, the system we live in .

See, I believe CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can work, if it's the right therapist. If I had access to a therapist who specializes in things like depression & even BPD I would probably be doing better- but unfortunately finding resources like that, that don't cost a shitload of money, is impossible for someone like me. It's not fair to any of us, that we are denied good resources because we can't afford them. This includes anything, healthcare in general.

 

[free_at_last]

Yep. I was actually thinking yesterday about how I was in a better place during the pandemic with the lockdowns and isolation. So much so that I quit my job and moved out to the boondocks where everyone locks themselves inside during the winter.

 

[SpiderLink]

Does anyone else have the desire to just disconnect themselves from all social contact because they feel like a burden in a way. Also because nobody from their social circle understands their SI(Suicide ideation). I've tried to talk about ctb a couple of times but pretty much no one can relate they either get really emotional and tell me to not even think about it or tell me they never thought about it ever. One person even stopped talking to me because i was causing them to "feel bad" when I was expressing my thoughts. Overall feels like even if I talk about it and they are sympathetic I'm burdening them with my own problems so I just want to stop talking to all of them. Anyone else feel like that?

I relate to eveyrthing you've said, it's frustrating too

 

[thrutrekfinaly]

Whether it be life cercumstances, social programming or neologically, you'll find that most ppl can't relate or accept suicide as an option. It's taboo to even mention abd I think it's also because it's so final of a solution, we are hardwired to want to survive so somebody saying the opposite could frighten ppl in a subconscious way. Like a knee jerk reaction. Your not alone but yes it's normal to want to withdraw, due to frustration or just depression.

 

[numbnesshuman]

Yes, most people don't understand why we have suicide ideation. They just tell us to stop thinking or let us to let it go. Luckily we have this forum

 

[peachchildtenshi]

disconnect themselves from all social contact because they feel like a burden in a way

I had already done this recently, I was going through a major breakdown and decided that I didnt want any sort of contacts with any of them and closed off my social medias and contacts. I did it not because I thought I was burdening them(though partially), but because I felt very worthless and seemed like I was only looking for attention rather than help given the many times I've rejected help because I refuse to change.It was alot better than I thought leaving them behind given that now I could focus more on life itself. But loneliness hits you like a truck, you constantly self criticize, self harm, you do questionable things and because you don't have anyone else to talk to, you basically are just bottling yourself up and hoping a miracle to occur while trying to sustain your day to day life without goals or motivation.

Though, this is only what I am currently feeling, I would like to go deeper but I'm not in the mood.

 

[Mord.]

Sometimes it feels like i live in a completely different world than everyone else, no one undestand how i feel so i end up feeling alone. That's why i decided to stopped talking to everyone

 

[The anhedonic one]

I cut off all contact with my toxic family years ago. Same with fake friends.
The vast majority of conversation is incredibly boring, pointless and meaningless anyway.
Nobody understands me. When I try and talk about my mental illness, suicidal feelings they just get angry or tell me to grow up.
I feel terribly disconnected from everyone.
I avoid all human contact as much as possible now.
It's lonely, but life is much more peaceful and simple.

 

[feder]

I cut off all contact with my toxic family years ago. Same with fake friends.
The vast majority of conversation is incredibly boring, pointless and meaningless anyway.
Nobody understands me. When I try and talk about my mental illness, suicidal feelings they just get angry or tell me to grow up.
I feel terribly disconnected from everyone.
I avoid all human contact as much as possible now.
It's lonely, but life is much more peaceful and simple.

Sounds awful, im sorry that you had to cut off everyone and that you didn't find anyone who can relate to you or at least sympathise. But if they were that toxic maybe you are better off without them. Anyway wish you the best!

 

[The anhedonic one]

Sounds awful, im sorry that you had to cut off everyone and that you didn't find anyone who can relate to you or at least sympathise. But if they were that toxic maybe you are better off without them. Anyway wish you the best!

Thank you.