Venting The urge not to drink

[sideswipe84]

I am really struggling not to drink, its never truly been a comfort for me as it's always led me to some serious crappy consequences. Yet for some stupid reason I'm drawn like a moth to flame to alcohol. If I could obtain "other" things I most certainly would as they've not caused me nearly as much trouble. I feel like an idiot, I want to leave this rock so badly, and If I lack the courage to do that then I don't want to spend anymore time being a wreck less drunk. But I completely lack the willpower not to consume alcohol. I'm so ashamed of myself. sorry people I know this isn't an AA meeting, I just honestly have no where else to turn.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I drink too much, but I know I can go without, but most day's esp of recent, I just want to drink myself into a whiskey coma!

Can you not just buy it, if it's not in the house or within reaching distance then you can't just drink?

 

[sideswipe84]

I drink too much, but I know I can go without, but most day's esp of recent, I just want to drink myself into a whiskey coma!

Can you not just buy it, if it's not in the house or within reaching distance then you can't just drink?

If It's in the house it's going to drunk, I honestly just can't find peace unless I do drink and I hate myself for that. Sorry, to answer your question, yes I could not buy it ( in theory) but as soon as I'm in the shop I lose ALL will power or motivation not to buy it.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I've been through heavy ass benders of it, but never got the shakes or physical withdraw. Physical withdraw from alcohol can be very dangerous.

I recommend trying to find little things to do that occupy you enough to slow down at first. Then you can slowly work back down if you want.

 

[sideswipe84]

I've been through heavy ass benders of it, but never got the shakes or physical withdraw. Physical withdraw from alcohol can be very dangerous.

I recommend trying to find little things to do that occupy you enough to slow down at first. Then you can slowly work back down if you want.

I've been through withdrawals and shakes quite a bit. To be honest i have been purposely sabotaging my liver & kidneys and not just with drink, but it's drink that I feel so ashamed of myself for doing because of all the horrible things I've said and done.
i Do enjoy things, but ever since earlier this year (my wife left with the children) I reverted back to drinking, I had been sober for our whole marriage of almost 7 years. Now, I try to read books I'm interested in but can't find contentment. I try to play video games but that just dulls the ache a bit. I go outside and I'm reminded of all the places I went with my family. It's just a nightmare all day everyday.
I'm sorry for the sob story.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I've been through withdrawals and shakes quite a bit. To be honest i have been purposely sabotaging my liver & kidneys and not just with drink, but it's drink that I feel so ashamed of myself for doing because of all the horrible things I've said and done.
i Do enjoy things, but ever since earlier this year (my wife left with the children) I reverted back to drinking, I had been sober for our whole marriage of almost 7 years. Now, I try to read books I'm interested in but can't find contentment. I try to play video games but that just dulls the ache a bit. I go outside and I'm reminded of all the places I went with my family. It's just a nightmare all day everyday.
I'm sorry for the sob story.

I just left a 13 year marriage with 2 kids behind so I completely understand... I know the "sob story" all too well, so you don't have to be sorry or try to explain it

 

[Mm80]

Op you have my total sympathy for your problems with alcohol. Pls try not to be too hard on yourself it sounds like you have gone through enough.

 

[sideswipe84]

Thank you for your replies. I think I'm trying. Being able to speak here really helps.

 

[illbehave]

There are some meds that can help curb cravings and the anxiety along with them. All by prescription. Some people I have known of used weed to help. Its now legal here, not sure where you are located.
Addiction is a horrible thing. I used to be a heroin user and coke IV. 20 years ago. Went to numerous rehabs. I am here if you want to talk. Please ALWAYS know, you can DIE from alcohol withdrawal and It Is Not Pleasant. You cant die very easy or not at all from withdrawal from opiates (though you wish you were dead).

 

[sideswipe84]

Unfortunately I live somewhere where weed is not legal, and as strange as it may sound but even smoking grass is a bad crutch for me. I can't find a medium for things it's a bad mind set of all or nothing. in my mind I was hoping the withdrawals & other things I've done, prove stronger than my body. I understand it's highly unpleasant, but I justify it by not having the courage for other methods that act more quickly.

 

[illbehave]

Unfortunately I live somewhere where weed is not legal, and as strange as it may sound but even smoking grass is a bad crutch for me. I can't find a medium for things it's a bad mind set of all or nothing. in my mind I was hoping the withdrawals & other things I've done, prove stronger than my body. I understand it's highly unpleasant, but I justify it by not having the courage for other methods that act more quickly.

It does not sound strange at all... Why I will NOT go near weed. I have seen people do crazy shite for it and been robbed because THEY ARE ADDICTS. I have high impulsivity and addiction runs in my bio family. Have you thought about meds to help? Or alt medicine? The cravings are horrible. I learned alot in the multiple therapies and shite I went throught. I don't believe AA is always 100% for everyone good concepts though... I took what I needed and left the rest. You sound like you are missing major support. I wish we lived closer. Not a pro lifer. Just someone who understands and is a natural Helper. Whatever that entails.

 

[sideswipe84]

now I'm going to come off as utterly hopeless ( atleast I hope not). I have seen my doctor quite a bit about depression & addiction. The meds they have given (multiple meds and variations) Have only made me feel much worse, it's as if the Suicide dial was turned up by 100 when I take the prescriptions given to me. I requested to speak to the mental health team months ago but they only suggest increasing said unhelpful medicine. Finding the exit sign is my way of hope, I know many won't agree but I refuse to let my children grow up with me as an example. They're my world and I just can't do right by them, so my line of thinking tells me that I really should just leave. Even my wife(we're separated not divorced) I still love her to my core, I don't want her to see me live any more shame.
I'm sorry, i just don't believe I can really be helped.

 

[illbehave]

now I'm going to come off as utterly hopeless ( atleast I hope not). I have seen my doctor quite a bit about depression & addiction. The meds they have given (multiple meds and variations) Have only made me feel much worse, it's as if the Suicide dial was turned up by 100 when I take the prescriptions given to me. I requested to speak to the mental health team months ago but they only suggest increasing said unhelpful medicine. Finding the exit sign is my way of hope, I know many won't agree but I refuse to let my children grow up with me as an example. They're my world and I just can't do right by them, so my line of thinking tells me that I really should just leave. Even my wife(we're separated not divorced) I still love her to my core, I don't want her to see me live any more shame.
I'm sorry, i just don't believe I can really be helped.

It is NOT Shameful to admit your Hope Level is low or nonexistent. No judgement here. We have joined a suicide forum. If we had high hope levels etc We Would Not Be Here. I think you are a really beautiful person. I understand your reasoning. Please know that I know my time is soon, also..I am just a natural helper. I support you and am here to listen as long as I am here.