My father visited me today for only a few minutes. I sort of hate him, he was physically and emotionally abusive to me growing up. Possibly sexually too, but I don't have a clear memory of it. I've been debating if I should cut him off or not, I did at the start of the pandemic, but when I moved closer to him I allowed contact to resume, and now I'm back to pretending I love him. Anyways, the thing that is troubling me is that when he complimented my appearence I felt the same thrill that I would feel if any guy said that to me. I don't remember if it felt like this in the past. IDK, I don't really know what to do. I've done the whole "projecting your father on to your sexual partner" thing a few times, so maybe that's why things are starting to bleed across the line the other way now. IDK, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this sort of thing?
Yeah, I don't know. I think maybe I could repair the relationship, and then that would be better than having no realtionship, but I guess I could also put that energy into someone else who has treated me better. I don't even need to be nice to him for other reasons, my mother's side of the family is the one with most of the resources, and I'm on very good terms with my mom.
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