whotookmylexapro
Member
- Jan 19, 2024
- 72
My OCD and intrusive thoughts are so severe i feel like i am on the verge of psychosis or a mental break. Everything i do to try to distract myself leads back to these thoughts and fears. I hate it so fucking much i wish i could die.
I cant ignore the thoughts, they are too prominent and loud. They made me feel like shit. It feels like being crushed by a hydraulic press every time i get a disturbing thought. It's the reason I can't play the "acceptance" card. I don't want to accept these thoughts and i literally cannot
It makes me feel all kinds of physical symptoms. My heart rate goes through the roof. I empty my gastric contents daily because of them. I get a headache almost every time I get a disturbing thought.
I hit myself so much because of it because its the only thing that seems to ground myself back into reality temporarily.
This is torture. No amount of SSRIs, antipsychotics, benzos, etc. will fix this. There is no escape. It is too painful to continue going on in life. But it is also too painful to give up and die.
I wish i could just disappear. Or maybe the sun fucking blows up. I don't know but i wish i wasnt alive. I hate to admit it because i know i should be "grateful" for life. But i cannot tolerate this. My mental health is killing me rapidly.
I can't function anymore. I have a boatload of college assignments and projects due on top of an internship. I know that everyone can tell im not doing well but no one is gonna ask if im alright. Not like it even matters, ill just lie and say im good. What are they gonna do anyways? I wish there was a solution to this. I so badly want to die but Im hellbent on staying alive out of spite for some family members.
I cant ignore the thoughts, they are too prominent and loud. They made me feel like shit. It feels like being crushed by a hydraulic press every time i get a disturbing thought. It's the reason I can't play the "acceptance" card. I don't want to accept these thoughts and i literally cannot
It makes me feel all kinds of physical symptoms. My heart rate goes through the roof. I empty my gastric contents daily because of them. I get a headache almost every time I get a disturbing thought.
I hit myself so much because of it because its the only thing that seems to ground myself back into reality temporarily.
This is torture. No amount of SSRIs, antipsychotics, benzos, etc. will fix this. There is no escape. It is too painful to continue going on in life. But it is also too painful to give up and die.
I wish i could just disappear. Or maybe the sun fucking blows up. I don't know but i wish i wasnt alive. I hate to admit it because i know i should be "grateful" for life. But i cannot tolerate this. My mental health is killing me rapidly.
I can't function anymore. I have a boatload of college assignments and projects due on top of an internship. I know that everyone can tell im not doing well but no one is gonna ask if im alright. Not like it even matters, ill just lie and say im good. What are they gonna do anyways? I wish there was a solution to this. I so badly want to die but Im hellbent on staying alive out of spite for some family members.
