Discussion The Robin Williams affect...

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

So I'm real life, I'm the picture of positivity. Always encouraging, seeing the bright side, laughing... but I am alone. I've come clean to a handful of people and they just... don't get it.

In my prior attempts, those people are now no longer in my life. Which is a running theme in my life... people come and go. I've moved so many times in my life that I don't have those long lasting relationships. I don't consider myself close to anyone, just to my dog.

I've learned to portray happiness and be but deep down I know that when/if my bus comes, everyone will be blindsided... or what I refer to as "The Robin Williams Affect."

Sure people will care, but ultimately, they were never there.

Anyone else struggle with this complex?

 

[Faraway1990]

I could have wrote this post myself! Exception being I no longer have a dog :( had to re home las one when I had a breakdown in 2016 and never got on my feet enough to get another dog in good conscience. Only one person I know probably won't be too shocked but in generally the same irl mostly genuine positive etc I have just decided it's time to CTB soon.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I could have wrote this post myself! Exception being I no longer have a dog :( had to re home las one when I had a breakdown in 2016 and never got on my feet enough to get another dog in good conscience. Only one person I know probably won't be too shocked but in generally the same irl mostly genuine positive etc I have just decided it's time to CBT soon.

Hugs... you are not alone.

 

[Ashpac]

Ive pushed everyone away and people have pushed me away. Ive learned people always leave in the end.
Im not close to anyone except my family and even then I am distant with them.
For all the acting ive done, i deserve an oscar for pretending im okay everyday. It just wears you out.

 

[Faraway1990]

Ive pushed everyone away and people have pushed me away. Ive learned people always leave in the end.
Im not close to anyone except my family and even then I am distant with them.
For all the acting ive done, i deserve an oscar for pretending im okay everyday. It just wears you out.

As I grow closer (speaking weeks) to my CTB timeline the acting I have to do should be Oscar nominated too lol tiring, not in my attitude mostly when it comes to conversations of the future etc I feel I have to be super careful as I don't want any interference. This place helps me keep from making an attempt sooner.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Eccedentesiast?

 

[Darkmornings]

No one will care when I ctb. No one will notice I'm gone except my employer. Everyone I know has ghosted and I have a hard time making friends. I've just lost faith in people and choose to stay to myself. Outside of that I'm sure I appear absolutely normal. I have a nice disposition. I'm always smiling, very polite. I basically wear a mask and lie to keep people at bay. I fit in for the most part and people will probably be shocked if they find out I committed suicide. I wish I could keep it a secret somehow.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Ive pushed everyone away and people have pushed me away. Ive learned people always leave in the end.
Im not close to anyone except my family and even then I am distant with them.
For all the acting ive done, i deserve an oscar for pretending im okay everyday. It just wears you out.

Agreed. I'm just so tired...

No one will care when I ctb. No one will notice I'm gone except my employer. Everyone I know has ghosted and I have a hard time making friends. I've just lost faith in people and choose to stay to myself. Outside of that I'm sure I appear absolutely normal. I have a nice disposition. I'm always smiling, very polite. I basically wear a mask and lie to keep people at bay. I fit in for the most part and people will probably be shocked if they find out I committed suicide. I wish I could keep it a secret somehow.

Same... I don't want to have people feeling bad or even my kids to know and be tortured their lives. I wish my eating disorder would take me first... at least there would be a viable reason for them

No one will care when I ctb. No one will notice I'm gone except my employer. Everyone I know has ghosted and I have a hard time making friends. I've just lost faith in people and choose to stay to myself. Outside of that I'm sure I appear absolutely normal. I have a nice disposition. I'm always smiling, very polite. I basically wear a mask and lie to keep people at bay. I fit in for the most part and people will probably be shocked if they find out I committed suicide. I wish I could keep it a secret somehow.

Hugs, btw. You would be missed here

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Eccedentesiast?

Exactly