Frankiesaysbye
New Member
- Aug 30, 2023
- 2
Hey everyone, I'm Frankie and I've been quietly wandering on here for a while without a user. I decided to get one and just share why.
Lately, I've always been reminded that I'm not supposed to live on this earth. My mother never planned me, I caused financial stress to my dad for being here, so far as to have him lose his job for a portion of his life. Now I feel as though he hates me deeply, and secretly he wants me gone, and my mother and I's relationship isn't too good either. She sees me as a daughter that can definitely be better, do better, and is an all around disappointment, but she doesn't vocalise it.
I've been constantly bullied and assaulted in my childhood, so I grew up with Borderline Personality Disorder and it's the most painful personality disorder to ever live with. Every day I plan out my ctb, get everything in order and then my mood switches and I don't want to do it anymore. Lately, I'm strongly inclined to ctb.
Recently, as in last week Saturday, I was r*ped by a guy who kept on feeding me drinks until I couldn't stand up straight. This trauma hit me so badly that I just want to end it all, once and for all. I'm fucking miserable all the time, I cry and get flashbacks to those moments, I want to be alone all the time. I keep saying that I shouldn't have gone out that night, I shouldn't have agreed to go out that night with my friends..
So here I am, looking for the quickest, painless way to ctb and hopefully give everyone whose lives I've fucked up, a bit of peace.
Lately, I've always been reminded that I'm not supposed to live on this earth. My mother never planned me, I caused financial stress to my dad for being here, so far as to have him lose his job for a portion of his life. Now I feel as though he hates me deeply, and secretly he wants me gone, and my mother and I's relationship isn't too good either. She sees me as a daughter that can definitely be better, do better, and is an all around disappointment, but she doesn't vocalise it.
I've been constantly bullied and assaulted in my childhood, so I grew up with Borderline Personality Disorder and it's the most painful personality disorder to ever live with. Every day I plan out my ctb, get everything in order and then my mood switches and I don't want to do it anymore. Lately, I'm strongly inclined to ctb.
Recently, as in last week Saturday, I was r*ped by a guy who kept on feeding me drinks until I couldn't stand up straight. This trauma hit me so badly that I just want to end it all, once and for all. I'm fucking miserable all the time, I cry and get flashbacks to those moments, I want to be alone all the time. I keep saying that I shouldn't have gone out that night, I shouldn't have agreed to go out that night with my friends..
So here I am, looking for the quickest, painless way to ctb and hopefully give everyone whose lives I've fucked up, a bit of peace.
