tidal1
Member
- Oct 30, 2023
- 74
I was chronically ill up until age 16 when my physical health started to improve. I was constantly in and out of the hospital, so I never ended up going to a real school and consequently I missed out on a lot of learning and development that happens when you're around people your own age.
When I was finally able to live independently, things were looking up for me. I even managed to go to college across the country, which wasn't something I'd ever thought I'd be able to do given how bad my chronic illness had been. I was excited for what the future would hold for me.
One day I went on what I thought would just be a regular date, but I ended up getting assaulted. I used to approach people and situations with a certain candor and openness but all that changed after the assault happened. I became distrustful of other peoples' intentions and would question their motives, so I distanced myself from others and began existing on the fringes of society for about 4 years until I realized that as much as I had tried to quell the desire for genuine relationships/friendships, I still wanted those connections.
I tried putting myself out there and sincerely tried making friends and dating. Inevitably, because I was scared of getting hurt, I would almost always end any connections before they had a chance to blossom. On apps, I'd talk to people but I'd eventually end up chickening out if they ever suggested meeting up. Recently, I tried to take my therapist's advice of giving people a chance and not just assume people were going to end up hurting me in some way.
Long story short, I ended up seeing someone. That fling ended because they weren't interested in anything long-term. It's really messed with me that something I tried avoiding for so long ended up happening all over again. Not only did this person break my heart but they also have just completely broken me down as a person. I went into this with a positive mindset just like my therapist advised and I still got fucked over. It feels like some sick cosmic joke where I'm the punchline.
Pain is subjective because people tend to have varying emotional distress thresholds. For me, the pain is profound. I made a sincere and honest effort but it feels like the world is spitting at my face. I just can't deal with it anymore.
When I was finally able to live independently, things were looking up for me. I even managed to go to college across the country, which wasn't something I'd ever thought I'd be able to do given how bad my chronic illness had been. I was excited for what the future would hold for me.
One day I went on what I thought would just be a regular date, but I ended up getting assaulted. I used to approach people and situations with a certain candor and openness but all that changed after the assault happened. I became distrustful of other peoples' intentions and would question their motives, so I distanced myself from others and began existing on the fringes of society for about 4 years until I realized that as much as I had tried to quell the desire for genuine relationships/friendships, I still wanted those connections.
I tried putting myself out there and sincerely tried making friends and dating. Inevitably, because I was scared of getting hurt, I would almost always end any connections before they had a chance to blossom. On apps, I'd talk to people but I'd eventually end up chickening out if they ever suggested meeting up. Recently, I tried to take my therapist's advice of giving people a chance and not just assume people were going to end up hurting me in some way.
Long story short, I ended up seeing someone. That fling ended because they weren't interested in anything long-term. It's really messed with me that something I tried avoiding for so long ended up happening all over again. Not only did this person break my heart but they also have just completely broken me down as a person. I went into this with a positive mindset just like my therapist advised and I still got fucked over. It feels like some sick cosmic joke where I'm the punchline.
Pain is subjective because people tend to have varying emotional distress thresholds. For me, the pain is profound. I made a sincere and honest effort but it feels like the world is spitting at my face. I just can't deal with it anymore.
