Venting the reason I want to ctb is being ugly

[lotus_pink]

I know some people might say that's not a good enough reason but it's honestly unbearable. It hurts to make connections with people who love my personality but always feel the need to call me ugly, rate me, and make fun of me. They leave the instant they can get someone better looking and tell me how they'd give up so much to be with someone attractive. I'm jealous. I'm tired of being mistreated and made fun of and avoided before I've even said anything and having people blame me for my failures when really, other people will always gravitate away from me. It makes me so deeply sad when I see how great attractive people are treated, how they are comforted and included and have people who care about them, and know I will never experience that. I'm smart and sweet but it simply doesn't matter because of my face. I know I would have been okay if I was born attractive.

My best friend went on a rant yesterday about how I'm 4/10, my face looks extremely old, I'm lucky I'm half white or else I'd be a 2/10, that he's "ugly asf" but he'd mog me as a girl and could easily steal anyone who liked me, that he can't get attractive girls so he's stuck with me, and gave examples of girls who he'd give up "so much" to be with who he'd "f* in front of me" and many other things. I've had so many bad experiences and I'm so tired of it. I know I wouldn't feel this way and have these experiences if I was attractive. On the outside maybe this isn't a good enough reason but my life is awful and I really don't have any hope. I just wanted to be treated like a normal human.

 

[mortuarymary]

I know some people might say that's not a good enough reason but it's honestly unbearable. It hurts to make connections with people who love my personality but always feel the need to call me ugly, rate me, and make fun of me. They leave the instant they can get someone better looking and tell me how they'd give up so much to be with someone attractive. I'm jealous. I'm tired of being mistreated and made fun of and avoided before I've even said anything and having people blame me for my failures when really, other people will always gravitate away from me. It makes me so deeply sad when I see how great attractive people are treated, how they are comforted and included and have people who care about them, and know I will never experience that. I'm smart and sweet but it simply doesn't matter because of my face. I know I would have been okay if I was born attractive.

My best friend went on a rant yesterday about how I'm 4/10, my face looks extremely old, I'm lucky I'm half white or else I'd be a 2/10, that he's "ugly asf" but he'd mog me as a girl and could easily steal anyone who liked me, that he can't get attractive girls so he's stuck with me, and gave examples of girls who he'd give up "so much" to be with who he'd "f* in front of me" and many other things. I've had so many bad experiences and I'm so tired of it. I know I wouldn't feel this way and have these experiences if I was attractive. On the outside maybe this isn't a good enough reason but my life is awful and I really don't have any hope. I just wanted to be treated like a normal human.

He sounds like a dick.
stop surrounding yourself with these ugly people.
you are not ugly. Don't let anyone make you feel that way.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i totally get where you're coming from. tbh, it's 1 of my reasons as well. i hope u don't mind me sharing my story, it's just similar in topic & i can relate.

i grew up w a beautiful narcissist mom, so i dealt w her picking out all my flaws & constantly obsessing over looks, everyone's looks. i was raised thinking it was everything, esp for women, while also knowing i didn't & wouldn't ever fit the bill. she <3s to give fake pity like, 'noooo he/they really were looking @ u too!!', & then smirking when i say ik they weren't. now that i'm an adult i have to deal w being isolated when im out w her too. in public ppl will approach her w, 'hey, are y'all sisters?', then gawk & gasp when she tells them 'haha noooo!! she's my daughter', & i have to stand awkwardly on the side for 30 mins while they flirt & chat. it def affected the way i viewed my appearance over time, & still does. this happened in school too, w other girl classmates.

society's always prioritized attractiveness 1st, & it's only continued to worsen :// i had a guy i was talking to once ask me if i'd ever consider plastic surgery, & when i said yes, he started listing operations he wanted me to get. it was a really weird, dehumanizing feeling, & it didn't help that everything he listed was already an insecurity of mine, so it just confirmed them. ik that ppl can't help it, & that looks will always play a major role in relationships & the ease @ which 1 gets them (platonic/romantic). that's why it's a factor for me. bc i think it's just how most ppl are unfortunately, esp now since it's so engrained, & i don't see it changing. they're just so cruel & rude abt it, they take joy in it. i've tried every free dating app in the world, & nothing. i've tried mingling w mutuals & @ work, & nothing. i h8 the pity that comes w it too. ppl pretending like it's not real/not as big of a deal as i make it seem, or acting like i fit the standard to make me feel better. like i don't need to lie to myself, ik reality. it sucks, but so does ppl acting as if it's just a mindset/smthg to shrug off/all in ur head. so yeah, i'm over it too.

also, no offense @ all, but ur friend sounds really awful tbhbeing around hurtful, abusive (it's verbal abuse atp), draining ppl like that will only exacerbate ur misery & the shittiness of everything else. personally i've decided to give up on ppl as a whole, it's never worth it & what u get from them is never as good as what u give. in my experience @ least. i'm sorry he behaved like that, it's abhorrent & 100% a reflection of himself, not u<3