The reality is that my family doesn't get me and probably never will

[Water-Lily]

So, I know they love me. Love isn't the question here. What it is, is abusive dynamics. My family means well. I know they would be there for me in a heart beat if anything happened. But they can be abusive. To each other mostly and dismissive of feelings. I have been feeling dismissed as of late.

My grandmother, she is a sweet soul. But she can be insanely controlling. Maybe its just a grandma thing, but she loves hearing my voice everyday. However, she had a fight with the family in front of my brother and I can't forgive that. Since then I haven't been talking to her as much. She's been worried that I hate her. It's not that simple, I just don't condone abusive behavior

She is also insanely paranoid. If she doesn't get on to me or my brother or dad, she goes nuts (abusive mom is out the picture because she died from concur 2 years ago). She will be frantic and want to come over and see if we are ok. It's so embarrassing that it drives me nuts. My dad tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. But I don't know how someone saying "I was calling just to make sure your not dead" is healthy

Reality is, my family acts in two ways. One is acting abusive, and the other is enabling. I see the dynamic play out every day. As far as I see it, I am done

I love you guys (my family). I really do. I know you guys love me. You all might not show it in the healthiest of ways, but I know it's there. But you guys are toxic and unhealthy and I have to keep my distance. As for you grandma, I'll try to be there when I can. But please know that I am my own person. That is all.

 

[netrezven]

I can understand you. At the moment i don't even think that my parents love me. I know that at some point in the future in months or years they will be gone and i used to want to spend some time with them. Like since 10 years such time spent with my mother is something i had to avoid. I'm avoiding my fahter since like 2 years. Or he is avoiding me. I'm not sure. But hell, they are abusive and always were like this.
I think they don't want me to be good in life. They want from me to have problems and to complain all the time, so they could control me. That's what i think. And even when everyone else around them is in trouble because of the situation, they hate me for beeing independent, they hate that my world is ok. And they hate this, because i did it my way only. They hate me because i never let them ruin my life.
And now as i try to avoid problems /and that means contacts/ with them, they pull any kind of distant strings to annoy me. I know they are my parents, but i'm not sure if i can stay like that only in defence with them for much longer.

 

[Water-Lily]

I can understand you. At the moment i don't even think that my parents love me. I know that at some point in the future in months or years they will be gone and i used to want to spend some time with them. Like since 10 years such time spent with my mother is something i had to avoid. I'm avoiding my fahter since like 2 years. Or he is avoiding me. I'm not sure. But hell, they are abusive and always were like this.
I think they don't want me to be good in life. They want from me to have problems and to complain all the time, so they could control me. That's what i think. And even when everyone else around them is in trouble because of the situation, they hate me for beeing independent, they hate that my world is ok. And they hate this, because i did it my way only. They hate me because i never let them ruin my life.
And now as i try to avoid problems /and that means contacts/ with them, they pull any kind of distant strings to annoy me. I know they are my parents, but i'm not sure if i can stay like that only in defence with them for much longer.

Sometimes family are the worst people for us. Blood isn't always thicker than water. It can be the opposite

I know my dad wants me to be independent, which is why he kinda leaves me to my own devices. Just my grandma and aunt can be ridiculous