TerminallyBroken
Member
- Jan 26, 2025
- 20
Hello all,
It's been one hell of a day for me. First I come down with a mild cold. Then my best friend who I thought cared about me and would never abandon me did. She blocked me on Instagram and blocked my cell number. She recently got a new bf so I can imagine that motherfucker has something to do with it because that's happened to me before plenty of times with other friends. It's like they adopt this attitude of "Oh I got a lover now. Don't need my friends no more." Once someone finds new love all the friends take a back seat. Especially single friends like me.
But aside from that. I noticed I'm stuck in a curse of the same kind of people entering my life. People who seem so loyal and supportive but end up ghosting me. I'm tired of being treated like shit by people. People these days are so full of shit and are so fucking selfish. The proof is all around me, that this is how people are and they don't change nor will they ever change. The proof is all around me that what I value just isn't what the world values. Above all, the proof is all around me that I'm just wasting my time and things are not going to change or get any better. I keep hanging on day after day thinking maybe I can get better, maybe I'll find true love, maybe I'll find someone who values me the way I value myself. But I'm always proven wrong. I'm only causing myself more pain and suffering staying here.
I mean how many more times do I need to get hurt? Enough already! I think I stay because of the prophesies my mother tells me of how I'm gonna help so many people with my testimony one day and how my story will help others. But why help people if they're all the same? Why help people if they aren't gonna change? Why help people who never helped me? I also think there's just this unfair stigma around suicide. I mean I could just accept that I was born to be alone my entire life. But that kind of existence is far too painful for me and I'm done trying to accept it. It's now a matter of picking the quickest and least painful method. I don't know what that could be but I assume someone on here can give me some ideas.
I also gotta dedicate some time to write my notes. I want to be able to say everything my heart wanted to say but never got the chance. Lastly, picking the right date and time. I know it's gonna be late at night after my mom goes to bed so we're looking at say 12am-3amish. But just what date? Should it be a Friday night? A weekend? A worknight? Easter or some other upcoming holiday? I still have to figure this all out. But at least I can smile planning it this time. At least I can be kind of happy knowing it's almost over. I hate to leave my mom all alone after she lost her husband, mom, dog and brother. But I lost everyone too and had to learn to live alone so she can too. She's a very strong woman and I know she'll get through it. She has the strength I only wish I had. To everyone here though, I appreciate you guys reading every post and replying or reacting. You guys are the best emotional hospice I could ask for and I will savor every moment on this platform until the light really is at the end of the tunnel.
It's been one hell of a day for me. First I come down with a mild cold. Then my best friend who I thought cared about me and would never abandon me did. She blocked me on Instagram and blocked my cell number. She recently got a new bf so I can imagine that motherfucker has something to do with it because that's happened to me before plenty of times with other friends. It's like they adopt this attitude of "Oh I got a lover now. Don't need my friends no more." Once someone finds new love all the friends take a back seat. Especially single friends like me.
But aside from that. I noticed I'm stuck in a curse of the same kind of people entering my life. People who seem so loyal and supportive but end up ghosting me. I'm tired of being treated like shit by people. People these days are so full of shit and are so fucking selfish. The proof is all around me, that this is how people are and they don't change nor will they ever change. The proof is all around me that what I value just isn't what the world values. Above all, the proof is all around me that I'm just wasting my time and things are not going to change or get any better. I keep hanging on day after day thinking maybe I can get better, maybe I'll find true love, maybe I'll find someone who values me the way I value myself. But I'm always proven wrong. I'm only causing myself more pain and suffering staying here.
I mean how many more times do I need to get hurt? Enough already! I think I stay because of the prophesies my mother tells me of how I'm gonna help so many people with my testimony one day and how my story will help others. But why help people if they're all the same? Why help people if they aren't gonna change? Why help people who never helped me? I also think there's just this unfair stigma around suicide. I mean I could just accept that I was born to be alone my entire life. But that kind of existence is far too painful for me and I'm done trying to accept it. It's now a matter of picking the quickest and least painful method. I don't know what that could be but I assume someone on here can give me some ideas.
I also gotta dedicate some time to write my notes. I want to be able to say everything my heart wanted to say but never got the chance. Lastly, picking the right date and time. I know it's gonna be late at night after my mom goes to bed so we're looking at say 12am-3amish. But just what date? Should it be a Friday night? A weekend? A worknight? Easter or some other upcoming holiday? I still have to figure this all out. But at least I can smile planning it this time. At least I can be kind of happy knowing it's almost over. I hate to leave my mom all alone after she lost her husband, mom, dog and brother. But I lost everyone too and had to learn to live alone so she can too. She's a very strong woman and I know she'll get through it. She has the strength I only wish I had. To everyone here though, I appreciate you guys reading every post and replying or reacting. You guys are the best emotional hospice I could ask for and I will savor every moment on this platform until the light really is at the end of the tunnel.
