Venting The pressure to succeed (in the eyes of society) is immense

[ThatStateOfMind]

In today's world, the pressure to succeed and do well is crazy. Society has a very narrow description of success and we're expected to meet that description, and that description is typically equated to wealth, status, and a "perfect" lifestyle. We're often bombarded daily by images of success that make us feel like we're falling behind, even when we're doing our best. It's a reason I avoid LinkedIn, everyone is humble-bragging and the site as a whole feels fake, I hate that it has a good use for applying to internships.

Anyways, this pressure is very overwhelming, and I often question my self worth and accomplishments, or what seems like lack thereof. At 18, we're expected to have our life roughly planned out. For example, I'm attending college now, and I'm sure almost everyone expects me to go through my degree and afterwards, land a nice, good-paying job, but competition is fierce and it may not pan out that way. I feel there is a VERY REAL possibility that I don't get a job with my degree. As a man, I feel like this pressure is amplified (no offense intended to others), and I feel I am expected to reach a certain level of financial success and be the breadwinner.

It's hard not to feel like a failure as an unemployed college student with people pestering me on when I'm going to get a job (I don't bum off of anyone, I live on my savings).

I don't know where this post is going, my mind is cloudy and im starting to lose focus as well as my train of thought. Reality is very harsh though, and success is never guaranteed. Sometimes, the only way out of this pressure seems to be an early grave.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

i feel this one heavy. i had the unfortunate experience of going through school with undiagnosed adhd and autism and instead of getting the help i needed and the special assistance, I was put on the backburner and ignored for being "lazy"

i can only imagine what things would be like if I got the help I needed.

I wish you the best of luck man.

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

It's so frustrating and exhausting. I became "successful" by every societal constructs standard I suppose, but I was still fucking miserable. It's all bullshit. I can't stand it and I was faking everything the whole way through to get more and more money and in the end it doesn't fucking matter. I can't stand all the try hard attitude, the fake professionalism shit on LinkedIn, about people being so excited about work. Not one single person is excited about work, don't you lie to me. Unless they're one of the lucky ones who gets to do something creative that they're passionate about. Maybe I'm just bitter and angry because of my own life choices, I don't know. But it's so tiring.

I'm sorry you're going through this in your life at this time. Just know that there are others that do all of the right things and get to over six figure salaries in their 20s who still find it overwhelming and unenjoyable.
Also to add to your point about feeling added pressure due to being a man, I completely agree. I know women suffer many of their own issues and I by no means am trying to belittle theirs, but damn do I feel like they have lower expectations put upon them in this area. What I'd give to have just been born a hot woman and make my years salary in a week through OnlyFans.
What sucks is that this just continues through the rest of your adult life too. Not just right now when you're starting. There is always this continuous pressure to grow and grow and make more or whatever. I haven't even hit 30 yet and it has burnt out every last bit of love I had for this life. I simply can't give any more fucks. Anyway, sorry if I made things sound worse for you. Just an old man rambling because he's fed up.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

i feel this one heavy. i had the unfortunate experience of going through school with undiagnosed adhd and autism and instead of getting the help i needed and the special assistance, I was put on the backburner and ignored for being "lazy"

i can only imagine what things would be like if I got the help I needed.

I wish you the best of luck man.

I can relate as well. I have ADHD, diagnosed, along with a slew of mental health issues. I'm unable to afford meds and stuff, plus I'm afraid of meds so I just push through it, but it's been quite hard to do that recently.

I also wish you the best, it's hard, I definitely know that.

It's so frustrating and exhausting. I became "successful" by every societal constructs standard I suppose, but I was still fucking miserable. It's all bullshit. I can't stand it and I was faking everything the whole way through to get more and more money and in the end it doesn't fucking matter. I can't stand all the try hard attitude, the fake professionalism shit on LinkedIn, about people being so excited about work. Not one single person is excited about work, don't you lie to me. Unless they're one of the lucky ones who gets to do something creative that they're passionate about. Maybe I'm just bitter and angry because of my own life choices, I don't know. But it's so tiring.

I'm sorry you're going through this in your life at this time. Just know that there are others that do all of the right things and get to over six figure salaries in their 20s who still find it overwhelming and unenjoyable.
Also to add to your point about feeling added pressure due to being a man, I completely agree. I know women suffer many of their own issues and I by no means am trying to belittle theirs, but damn do I feel like they have lower expectations put upon them in this area. What I'd give to have just been born a hot woman and make my years salary in a week through OnlyFans.
What sucks is that this just continues through the rest of your adult life too. Not just right now when you're starting. There is always this continuous pressure to grow and grow and make more or whatever. I haven't even hit 30 yet and it has burnt out every last bit of love I had for this life. I simply can't give any more fucks. Anyway, sorry if I made things sound worse for you. Just an old man rambling because he's fed up.

Damn, so you kind of "had it," but it still didn't help. I went in LinkedIn again today and ugh, it just sucks. It's all so artificial. Not to mention, my feed is starting to have more of the "LinkedIn influencers" and "career coaches." I understand some people may genuinely enjoy their job, but I would wager the majority either hate or simply tolerate it. There's a reason you're paid for it.

Being a man is rough in the regards that I am meant to be the provider. Also, seems like they heyday of onlyfans is coming to an end, I hear a ton about people who try it and fail miserably more often than succeed at this point.

Don't worry that's rambling, I feel like that's basically what I'm doing too.

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

I can relate as well. I have ADHD, diagnosed, along with a slew of mental health issues. I'm unable to afford meds and stuff, plus I'm afraid of meds so I just push through it, but it's been quite hard to do that recently.

I also wish you the best, it's hard, I definitely know that.


Damn, so you kind of "had it," but it still didn't help. I went in LinkedIn again today and ugh, it just sucks. It's all so artificial. Not to mention, my feed is starting to have more of the "LinkedIn influencers" and "career coaches." I understand some people may genuinely enjoy their job, but I would wager the majority either hate or simply tolerate it. There's a reason you're paid for it.

Being a man is rough in the regards that I am meant to be the provider. Also, seems like they heyday of onlyfans is coming to an end, I hear a ton about people who try it and fail miserably more often than succeed at this point.

Don't worry that's rambling, I feel like that's basically what I'm doing too.

It did for a time. By all accounts I got very lucky career wise. I've had fleeting moments of enjoyment throughout my career. But it was always a day or a week sprinkled through what I'd otherwise consider boring monotony.

I guess maybe I'm just a big baby though. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact I'm supposed to do this another 40 years and be happy about it.

 

[Coin]

In today's world, the pressure to succeed and do well is crazy. Society has a very narrow description of success and we're expected to meet that description, and that description is typically equated to wealth, status, and a "perfect" lifestyle. We're often bombarded daily by images of success that make us feel like we're falling behind, even when we're doing our best. It's a reason I avoid LinkedIn, everyone is humble-bragging and the site as a whole feels fake, I hate that it has a good use for applying to internships.

Anyways, this pressure is very overwhelming, and I often question my self worth and accomplishments, or what seems like lack thereof. At 18, we're expected to have our life roughly planned out. For example, I'm attending college now, and I'm sure almost everyone expects me to go through my degree and afterwards, land a nice, good-paying job, but competition is fierce and it may not pan out that way. I feel there is a VERY REAL possibility that I don't get a job with my degree. As a man, I feel like this pressure is amplified (no offense intended to others), and I feel I am expected to reach a certain level of financial success and be the breadwinner.

It's hard not to feel like a failure as an unemployed college student with people pestering me on when I'm going to get a job (I don't bum off of anyone, I live on my savings).

I don't know where this post is going, my mind is cloudy and im starting to lose focus as well as my train of thought. Reality is very harsh though, and success is never guaranteed. Sometimes, the only way out of this pressure seems to be an early grave.

Thoroughly agreed. This rat race to the bottom is near guaranteed when a society's economic ideology of choice is largely unregulated capitalism.

 

[NonEssential]

I'm 25 and I pretty much have nothing that would be expected of someone my age. If you've been employed or dated someone at least once, you're already better than me at this society. I can't be bothered to try to succeed, instead I'm waiting for my inevitable end.

 

[mysticatedwine]

No one fits society's expectations. This immense of pressure upon our shoulders, as well as unrealistic expectations are there to make you feel like you MUST succeed. That if you don't own a house, have a wife, have two kids and a powerful job, you're a screw-up.

That's not the case however, this is all a big act. We don't owe anything to this society, and it hasn't given us much that is worth playing by its rules.

I'm a student in a somewhat obscure field of psychology, and I don't have shit planned out. I spend my days playing video games, hanging out with friends here and there, eating nice grub and doing minimal work. I wish you all to do the same and find a lot of joy from it.

 

[Electra]

Oh how I get you! Sometimes, I wonder where do people get the energy to do everything and be on top of everything? I mean, of course you'll never know how it actually is and what they feel inside (unless they tell you) but still... There's so many motivated, hard-working people out there, where do they get the internal turmoil for that?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

It did for a time. By all accounts I got very lucky career wise. I've had fleeting moments of enjoyment throughout my career. But it was always a day or a week sprinkled through what I'd otherwise consider boring monotony.

I guess maybe I'm just a big baby though. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact I'm supposed to do this another 40 years and be happy about it.

I honestly think I'll view all work like that if I'm being 100% honest, as far as mostly boring monotony. My hope is that I might be able to get a decent paying job and save aggressively, but not too aggressively as I want to enjoy life, hopefully retire early, so I don't have to do it for 40 or so years, because I think id be more miserable than I already am, especially if I can't find a life purpose.

Thoroughly agreed. This rat race to the bottom is near guaranteed when a society's economic ideology of choice is largely unregulated capitalism.

maximizing company's profits > workers QOL and the environment

I'm 25 and I pretty much have nothing that would be expected of someone my age. If you've been employed or dated someone at least once, you're already better than me at this society. I can't be bothered to try to succeed, instead I'm waiting for my inevitable end.

Its almost like its a moving goalpost. I felt unfulfilled before I achieved those things. I then achieved those things, I still feel unfulfilled. It's like no matter what I do or accomplish, the goalpost moves further.

No one fits society's expectations. This immense of pressure upon our shoulders, as well as unrealistic expectations are there to make you feel like you MUST succeed. That if you don't own a house, have a wife, have two kids and a powerful job, you're a screw-up.

That's not the case however, this is all a big act. We don't owe anything to this society, and it hasn't given us much that is worth playing by its rules.

I'm a student in a somewhat obscure field of psychology, and I don't have shit planned out. I spend my days playing video games, hanging out with friends here and there, eating nice grub and doing minimal work. I wish you all to do the same and find a lot of joy from it.

Yeah, I definitely agree with what you've said. I will say, I did choose a major that I am currently suffering in right now, but I think I'm just feeling incredibly intellectually lazy. Quite frankly, I'm mostly tired of all the math, even though I'm a comp sci major. I still force myself to take downtime, otherwise I would be very burned out, possibly dead tbh.

Fun fact: I actually considered majoring in psychology but the majority of it didn't interest me enough. I didn't know there were many if any obscure fields of psychology.

Oh how I get you! Sometimes, I wonder where do people get the energy to do everything and be on top of everything? I mean, of course you'll never know how it actually is and what they feel inside (unless they tell you) but still... There's so many motivated, hard-working people out there, where do they get the internal turmoil for that?

I know dude, and my family is full of people like you described. I drew the short end of the stick there, because I genuinely think some of it is genetic. My aunt helps people, including myself, daily, babysits for a ton of the family for free or $10 a day, and just overall keeps a lot on her plate, and I will never understand it. I have another uncle who works his self to the bone. He makes great money but he works probably 70-80hrs a week. They're on top of everything too, and I will never understand it.

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

I honestly think I'll view all work like that if I'm being 100% honest, as far as mostly boring monotony. My hope is that I might be able to get a decent paying job and save aggressively, but not too aggressively as I want to enjoy life, hopefully retire early, so I don't have to do it for 40 or so years, because I think id be more miserable than I already am, especially if I can't find a life purpose.


maximizing company's profits > workers QOL and the environment


Its almost like its a moving goalpost. I felt unfulfilled before I achieved those things. I then achieved those things, I still feel unfulfilled. It's like no matter what I do or accomplish, the goalpost moves further.


Yeah, I definitely agree with what you've said. I will say, I did choose a major that I am currently suffering in right now, but I think I'm just feeling incredibly intellectually lazy. Quite frankly, I'm mostly tired of all the math, even though I'm a comp sci major. I still force myself to take downtime, otherwise I would be very burned out, possibly dead tbh.

Fun fact: I actually considered majoring in psychology but the majority of it didn't interest me enough. I didn't know there were many if any obscure fields of psychology.


I know dude, and my family is full of people like you described. I drew the short end of the stick there, because I genuinely think some of it is genetic. My aunt helps people, including myself, daily, babysits for a ton of the family for free or $10 a day, and just overall keeps a lot on her plate, and I will never understand it. I have another uncle who works his self to the bone. He makes great money but he works probably 70-80hrs a week. They're on top of everything too, and I will never understand it.

I'm not even sure the world will be worth living in within 40 years with the way things are going anyway.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm not even sure the world will be worth living in within 40 years with the way things are going anyway.

Very valid point.

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

Very valid point.

Maybe a little ironic of me to say when I'm already on a suicide forum. Apparently it's already not worth it according to me feel like it's only gonna get worse though

 

[tpboy]

it's a shitshow and we are the stars.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

People on LinkedIn are nothing more than fake. I have a successful career and I've interacted with several people in high positions. The talented ones and the ones that provide great value, are always the ones without much Internet/schmoosing presence - always.

The ones that are constantly making posts and networking are usually mediocre - that's why they are so present online, it's compensation. The ones that provide value are too busy actually working and are passionate about their craft so they see no appeal in these "celebrity" endeavours.
(Obviously there are exceptions when your job requires you to network a lot.)

I'm a woman and I agree that there's a lot of pressure for success when you're a man. I never had pressure to have a great career, my father was more preoccupied that I didn't cook well enough to keep a man.
Instead, I was the one wanting a great career so I could live independently, so I studied and worked my ass off to achieve it.

My boyfriend and I work in the same industry, same job. I'm just in a higher position due to having worked my ass off for longer. I have a high salary, I earn double what he earns. He always had pressure to succeed because he's a man. It was hard for him to accept me as the breadwinner, he felt like he was failing, but the truth is that it is unfair to compare. I had a shitty home life so I would work 9 to 5 and then come home to study/build portfolio until midnight. I didn't even stop on weekends, I worked every weekend on my portfolio. I wanted out of that house FAST. He didn't have such a dire home life so there was no need to slave himself. He also had to spend 7 years caring for his dying mother. Comparing our lives is unfair.

I personally don't care who is more successful or who earns more. As long as we both have financial security that s what matters.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Maybe a little ironic of me to say when I'm already on a suicide forum. Apparently it's already not worth it according to me feel like it's only gonna get worse though

Ay, I'm here for the same reasons. Surely its worth it to somebody out there. I feel like once we hit complete rock bottom, nowhere to go but up (I hope!)

People on LinkedIn are nothing more than fake. I have a successful career and I've interacted with several people in high positions. The talented ones and the ones that provide great value, are always the ones without much Internet/schmoosing presence - always.

The ones that are constantly making posts and networking are usually mediocre - that's why they are so present online, it's compensation. The ones that provide value are too busy actually working and are passionate about their craft so they see no appeal in these "celebrity" endeavours.
(Obviously there are exceptions when your job requires you to network a lot.)

I'm a woman and I agree that there's a lot of pressure for success when you're a man. I never had pressure to have a great career, my father was more preoccupied that I didn't cook well enough to keep a man.
Instead, I was the one wanting a great career so I could live independently, so I studied and worked my ass off to achieve it.

My boyfriend and I work in the same industry, same job. I'm just in a higher position due to having worked my ass off for longer. I have a high salary, I earn double what he earns. He always had pressure to succeed because he's a man. It was hard for him to accept me as the breadwinner, he felt like he was failing, but the truth is that it is unfair to compare. I had a shitty home life so I would work 9 to 5 and then come home to study/build portfolio until midnight. I didn't even stop on weekends, I worked every weekend on my portfolio. I wanted out of that house FAST. He didn't have such a dire home life so there was no need to slave himself. He also had to spend 7 years caring for his dying mother. Comparing our lives is unfair.

I personally don't care who is more successful or who earns more. As long as we both have financial security that s what matters.

Really? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I'm currently networking my ass off but it's gotten me no where. I did, however, land an interview with a company as a QA tester, and it had nothing to do with my networking. This makes me think it's less important, and I have slightly discounted it, at least for now.

I'm glad that, even as a woman, you recognize the struggles that men go through, that recognition means a lot. I also agree though, that women face similar, albeit different (in a way), expectations, such as your dad saying you couldn't cook well enough to keep a man. I commend you for the hard work, I know it isn't easy moving out.

My girlfriend also currently makes more than me, since she works full-time while I attend college, so it was a hard pill to swallow that she makes more than me and sometimes supports me (I pull my weight via savings). Finally, I will also say, I'm glad you both are financially stable, especially in this economy!

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Really? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I'm currently networking my ass off but it's gotten me no where. I did, however, land an interview with a company as a QA tester, and it had nothing to do with my networking. This makes me think it's less important, and I have slightly discounted it, at least for now.

I'm glad that, even as a woman, you recognize the struggles that men go through, that recognition means a lot. I also agree though, that women face similar, albeit different (in a way), expectations, such as your dad saying you couldn't cook well enough to keep a man. I commend you for the hard work, I know it isn't easy moving out.

My girlfriend also currently makes more than me, since she works full-time while I attend college, so it was a hard pill to swallow that she makes more than me and sometimes supports me (I pull my weight via savings). Finally, I will also say, I'm glad you both are financially stable, especially in this economy!

I used to think networking was super important, that notion is shoved down people's throats like crazy. But, in my experience, unless your career has a built-in networking component (e.g. business, marketing, etc) then networking doesn't affect anything. What got me into good jobs was my knowledge and portfolio. Once I got a job due to networking and never even got a job contract, it was a shitty job.

I'm in programming and all the events and things I went to, very rarely had programmers or just good programmers. The ones I met that were networking a lot were quite mediocre businessman that knew a bit of coding.

When I started working, I met the actually great programmers and every time there was an event, they wouldn't attend, either due to shyness, being busy, desinterest or a mix of all three. Now that I'm at the senior level, it's the same for me. They've asked me if I wanted to attend events or do a presentation on something but I'm just not interested as I know that it's a lot of social anxiety for no reward. Also, pretty much all great programmers I've met suffer from impostor syndrome so they end up not feeling good enough for those events. I used to think that was crazy but now I'm the same. The more you develop your skills and get better, the more you realise how much you don't know and feel insure, even though you may be incredibly talented.

Every gender has its obstacles, but I think for men they are all tied to money: having a good paying job, good car, be more prominent when buying a house. For women, in my experience, they're all tied to having a good partner: cooking well, cleaning, having kids.

Don't worry about the salary difference, if your girlfriend loves you, she'll stay with you regardless. Once you start working full-time you'll feel like you're contributing more too.

Congrats on landing the QA interview! That's an area adjacent to mine where I'd say networking isn't that important, it's all about experience, knowledge and portfolio.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I used to think networking was super important, that notion is shoved down people's throats like crazy. But, in my experience, unless your career has a built-in networking component (e.g. business, marketing, etc) then networking doesn't affect anything. What got me into good jobs was my knowledge and portfolio. Once I got a job due to networking and never even got a job contract, it was a shitty job.

I'm in programming and all the events and things I went to, very rarely had programmers or just good programmers. The ones I met that were networking a lot were quite mediocre businessman that knew a bit of coding.

When I started working, I met the actually great programmers and every time there was an event, they wouldn't attend, either due to shyness, being busy, desinterest or a mix of all three. Now that I'm at the senior level, it's the same for me. They've asked me if I wanted to attend events or do a presentation on something but I'm just not interested as I know that it's a lot of social anxiety for no reward. Also, pretty much all great programmers I've met suffer from impostor syndrome so they end up not feeling good enough for those events. I used to think that was crazy but now I'm the same. The more you develop your skills and get better, the more you realise how much you don't know and feel insure, even though you may be incredibly talented.

Every gender has its obstacles, but I think for men they are all tied to money: having a good paying job, good car, be more prominent when buying a house. For women, in my experience, they're all tied to having a good partner: cooking well, cleaning, having kids.

Don't worry about the salary difference, if your girlfriend loves you, she'll stay with you regardless. Once you start working full-time you'll feel like you're contributing more too.

Congrats on landing the QA interview! That's an area adjacent to mine where I'd say networking isn't that important, it's all about experience, knowledge and portfolio.

I agree to an extent. I will never fully discount networking as I do know some people who got a job simply because of networking, it was a case of who you know. Of course, these people were also good at coding, but they really do say they got the job/internship due to them networking well enough. I'm not great at networking so I'm trying to upskill somewhat and develop a better portfolio because mine is not that great currently. I need more projects, and more advanced projects.

I honestly think I suffer somewhat from imposter syndrome. I was almost considering completely missing a career fair because of imposter syndrome and social anxiety. Kinda glad I didn't because I was actually able to talk, and it encouraged me to work on my resume and improve it, which will help me long-term I think. I've actually heard from many other experienced individuals in their respective fields that it really is like the more you know and grow, you realize how little you actually know, and I think that seems very overwhelming!

I also hear you on the whole gender expectations thing. It's so true that societal pressures for both men and women can look very different, and those expectations can feel heavy at times. But yeah, at the end of the day, if you have someone who values you for who you are, it's all that really matters, and I think I definitely have that.

Thanks for the thoughtful message! I appreciate the encouragement about the QA interview too! I'll probably either make a post, or a reply here after the interview.